


Onward To the Past

by Aaveena



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon Compliant, Everyone Is Alive, Except Really, F/M, Family Feels, Family Reunion, Fix-It, Forgiveness Is Healing, Mentions of pregnancy in epilogue, POV Ben Solo, POV Rey (Star Wars), Poe Dameron and Ben Solo are Best Friends, Post TROS, Post-Canon Fix-It, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Struggles to Remember That She is a Time Traveler, Skywalker Family Drama, Time Travel, Time Travel Fix-It, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 51,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23534053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aaveena/pseuds/Aaveena
Summary: Just after the battle of Exegol, Ben Solo and Rey wake up in past versions of themselves a week before the Hosnian Cataclysm. With their knowledge of the future, they take it upon themselves to save the galaxy without anyone (important) dying. Time travel hi-jinx and awkward family reunions ensue!
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 208
Kudos: 561





	1. Waking Up

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing this story solely to help heal the pain in my heart brought about by the events of the Star Wars sequel trilogy. I genuinely enjoy the films, but I am weak and cannot handle loss so I decided to bring everyone back through time travel shenanigans. I've had had such a great time writing this and it has helped me keep my sanity in the madness that is quarantine. I hope you enjoy!

Rey woke up in dark and frighteningly familiar surroundings, but the first thing she noticed was the cold. She had grown so used to the hot, humid nights on Ajan Kloss that the cold air blowing around her was almost strange, but she knew this cold. She knew it like she knew hunger and broken bones and dirt under her nails.

Silver-blue moonlight shone through the opening not too far from where she lay that served as a doorway. The ice-cold hand of panic gripped Rey’s chest as her eyes adjusted to the darkness. She could see it all now – the hundreds of thousands of tally marks on the wall, the sad dying flower in the corner, the handmade doll wearing scraps of a rebel fighter’s uniform. Her breathing became erratic – this was a nightmare, it had to be – or, had everything else been a dream?

The last thing she remembered was the Emperor falling victim to his own lightning, falling to pieces and scattering to the wind like leaves. She recalled the Sith temple crumbling around her, huge chunks of it falling from the sky and crushing the acolytes that surrounded her. The last thing, the very last memory she had, was Luke and Leia’s lightsabers falling from her hands as everything left her, as she left herself. That could not have been a dream, it was too real.

Her mind and heart racing, it was difficult to center herself, but Rey reached out with the force. She could feel it still, though her connection was muddled by the emotions swirling inside of her. She felt the balance, the life and death of the planet around her – Jakku. She shuddered at the thought. How had she ended up back here? Had someone brought her here? Had Ben… where was Ben?

As she thought of him something familiar tugged at the edge of her perception. The air around her seemed to buzz with energy, a sensation she had come to recognize and, at one point hate, though now all she could feel was relief.

Her relief was soon washed away when the figure dressed all in black materialized in front of her, sitting on a piece of old machinery half buried in sand. This was not Ben, it was Kylo Ren – mask and all, looking just as he had when she had first seen him in the forest on Takodana. Rey scrambled back, reaching instinctively to her side for her lightsaber, but it wasn’t there.

“Rey,” The modulated voice said. Rey’s heart lurched at the sound. “Wait, please.” He said, throwing his gloved hands up, palms out, in a placating gesture. Reaching up, he removed his mask with a hiss – a mask that, Rey now noticed, was completely intact and without the red cracks that had run through it the last time she saw it. Dark curls framed a familiar pale face, now scar-less, his dark eyes were softer that she remembered, and it was difficult to tell in the low light but she could swear that she saw tears forming.

“Rey, it’s me – I’m not – It’s Ben.” His voice wavered as he struggled to choose his words. “Do you… do you remember?”

Rey nodded slowly knowing what he had meant immediately, and she allowed herself to relax some. She could see Ben’s shoulders relax as well. They were silent for what felt like a long moment.

“Where are you right now?” Ben asked, his eyes never leaving Rey’s face.

“I’m on Jakku.” Rey said. “In my old – where I used to live.” Rey refused to call the overturned AT AT a home. “I’m not sure how I got here, I don’t remember leaving Exegol. At first I thought that you... but you didn’t… did you?”

“Did I what?”

“You didn’t bring me here, right?” Rey could hear the desperation in her own voice and it sent a shiver of shame through her. Flashes of a ship flying away and a little girl crying out swept past Rey's vision. She was not that little girl abandoned on a desert planet anymore, she was all of the Jedi.

“No, Rey, of course not.” Ben’s head was bent but his eyes were still on her. He lifted a hand as if to reach out for her, but then thought better of it. Rey wished that he had. She wanted to feel his hand, feel that he was real, that she was.

“Where are you?” Ben flinched slightly at her question.

“It’s – you won’t believe it…” He sighed. Rey was about to tell him to try her anyway when he continued. “I think I’m on Starkiller Base.”

It took a moment for the words to hit Rey. At first, they were meaningless sound, only two words sticking out in her mind _Starkiller Base_. She’d been there, the name drummed up terrible memories, fighting in the snow, Han – But had Ben just said that he was there now? That wasn’t possible.

“That’s not possible.” Rey breathed.

“It’s not, but here I am.” Ben said, burying his face in a gloved hand. “Trust me, I remember my quarters very well.” He said, looking over to something in his room that Rey could not see. He sighed solemnly.

“Your mask,” Rey said, her voice barely a whisper. She could not get her mouth to form the rest of the words, but Ben seemed to understand anyway.

“Yeah, I noticed it too.” He nodded.

“What’s happened, Ben?” Rey asked, her voice quivering in a way she hated. He looked up at her and opened his mouth as if to say something and closed it again, his gaze dropping to the floor.

“I have a theory, but it’s a little _out there_.” He said with a small huff of breath that, if Rey hadn’t known better, she would think sounded almost like a chuckle. He looked up at her, eyes as wide and intense as ever, reminding her so much of how he looked when he had asked her to join him in ruling the galaxy on the _Supremacy_. “I think we’ve traveled to the past, or our consciousnesses have at least.”

“That’s -” Rey wanted to laugh, she wanted to tell Ben that it was ridiculous, impossible, but she couldn’t. How else could she explain waking up back on Jakku. She could not see Ben’s surroundings, but he had never lied to her before and why would he lie about _this_? “How?” Was all she could manage to say.

“I don’t know.” He sighed again, running gloved fingers through his dark hair. “I just – there’s no other explanation, unless we’re both dead and in some bizarre afterlife.”

“I think I did die, Ben.” Rey whispered. Ben’s head shot up at that. “What happened to you on Exegol? I felt you were alive after you fell, but it was so faint.”

“What do you remember?” He asked, resting his forearms on his knees and leaning forward.

“I remember Palpatine… dying, I guess. I remember falling, I felt so weak, I thought I was dying, and then I woke up here.” Ben stared at Rey intensely for a moment after that, his mouth screwed up as though he were chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“So you don’t…” He started but then stopped himself. “I died too, I remember that, and then I woke up here in my quarters. But I don’t think we’re dead, I don’t feel dead.”

“Neither do I.” Rey agreed. She wondered how Ben had died and nearly asked but figured that he would have shared had he wanted to. Perhaps he died alone and broken at the bottom of that pit on Exegol, the thought made her shudder.

“So, _when_ do you think we are?” Rey continued.

“From what I've gathered, I think we’re about a week and a half out from when Starkiller will destroy the Hosnian system.” Ben said, looking to something on his left that Rey could not see.

“A week and a -” Rey stopped short. She shot up in her shelter, causing Ben to fly back in shock. Her heart was racing again, but the fluttering was from hope – joy, not panic. “Ben,” She turned to look at her doorway, moonlight still streaming in from the quiet desert night outside. “We can stop it. We can – we can prevent all of it. The Hosnian Cataclysm, the Emperor’s fleet. We can…”

Rey turned back to Ben again, worried what she would see in his face. He had been a major player in so many off the disasters she wanted to prevent. Would she see shame or, worse yet, anger? A smile spread across her face when she saw something closer to hope swimming in his eyes, his mouth set in a soft line that was not quite a smile, but not far from it.

“Where are you?” He asked, standing. Not for the first time in her life, Rey was impressed by Ben’s sheer size. “You said Jakku, but where are you exactly?”

“Not far from Niima outpost, in an overturned AT AT walker.” Ben’s face twisted into confusion for a moment.

“Alright, I’m coming to get you.”

With that, the connection was severed. Rey plopped herself back down on her bed mat and hugged her legs back into her chest. She felt real and true hope for the first time in a long time.

* * *

When the connection severed, Ben Solo was on the move. He quickly placed his mask back on, hating the newfound claustrophobia it stirred in him. He made for the door to his quarters and paused, turning to look back at the melted mask on the pedestal to his right.

He brushed his fingers tentatively over the warped metal, not in reverence, but maybe in understanding. Something clutched his heart as he realized for the first time who his grandfather really was – not Darth Vader but Anakin Skywalker. He sighed realizing that he had been calling out to the wrong person the whole time. He had been wrong about so much, but maybe there was time to fix some of his mistakes now.

The door slid open with a soft _whoosh_. Starkiller Base never really slept, there was always activity no matter what time it was. A couple of officers had been walking down the hall just outside of Ben’s room and stopped with a flinch when he exited.

“Prepare my ship.” Ben said, his voice low and distorted by his mask. Without waiting for a response, he strode down the hall in the opposite direction from his ship, the train of his cowl billowing like a cape behind him. He didn’t need to wait; he knew that people feared Kylo Ren enough to follow his orders directly and immediately.

Ben swiftly made his way to the nearest data center on the base. There were a few of them, Starkiller was a huge base after all, but he should be able to find the information he needed in any of them. The door flew open in front of him, startled officers looked up from their work and stared, wide-eyed.

“Out.” He commanded.

The officers sat still, shell-shocked no doubt. Ben started at them for a moment, tensing his shoulders. No one moved, no one spoke, the few officers just started at him with eyes like saucers. He pulled at the rage inside of his chest, something that was always there and, he feared, always would be. He ignited his lightsaber which screamed and crackled to life by his side and struck a communication terminal to his right.

“OUT!” He roared.

The officers did not need a third prompting, which Ben was glad for as Kylo Ren would never have given it. He took a moment to compose himself, to pack away the rage and shove it back down deep inside. He looked back at the communication terminal, it’s metal frame now covered in molten red slash marks. He felt a sharp pang of shame but did not dwell on it.

It only took him moments to find what he was searching for. The partial map to Skywalker salvaged from the Imperial databanks, the plans to Starkiller base, a few military positions and plans, anything Ben could think of that would be relevant and useful information. Thankfully, he had clearance for all of this information _, one perk to being Kylo Ren_ , he thought dryly. He then deleted the map. They would notice the missing information and when they went through the logs they would see that _he_ had done it and the manhunt would be on, if it wasn’t already. Ben could feel Snoke, or was it Palpatine, on the edge of his mind, but he just strengthened his mental barriers.

His custom TIE-Silencer was fully prepared for flight by the time Ben reached the hangar. People kept their distance from Kylo Ren which suited Ben fine, that way no one could see him nervously fiddling with the data stick in his hand. He left the base and jumped to lightspeed without issue or interference.

Once Ben entered hyperspace, he allowed himself to relax, even if just a little. He could relax fully once he could see Rey, once he knew that she was safe. She didn’t remember him bringing her back to life, but he did. He remembered the watery look in her eyes, the way she gently touched his face, the kiss. He remembered it all, especially the pain at finding her cold and lifeless on the floor. He would never let that happen again.

Something like fear tugged on one of the loose threads of his composure. It frightened him how easily he had slipped back into the role of Kylo Ren, how easily the mask had fit, how easily the rage had come. His father, or Ben’s memory of his father, had told him that Kylo Ren was gone and that Ben Solo lived, but was that really true? Could the two ever fully be separated? Ben pushed that train of thought to the side.

When Ben arrived on Jakku he knew where to go, almost as if he had been there before. He flew over Niima Outpost, most likely scaring the residents and scavengers milling about below, he imagined them turning their heads up to watch the screaming TIE soaring above their heads.

It did not take long to arrive at the overturned AT AT walker and Ben recognized it instantly. He had seen it in Rey’s mind – it felt like so much time had passed since that fateful interrogation, had it really only been just over a year? He vividly remembered the small shelter turned not-quite-home, though it was the closest thing to a home it’s small resident could remember. He remembered her loneliness, her dreams of family and of the ocean.

His glimpses into her life, her dreams, her loneliness had so painfully reminded Ben of his own past. They touched a part of him that he had tried so hard and for so long to destroy. He had imagined a boy holding himself in the dark as his parents argued loudly about his future. He had imagined a boy crying in a small hut, so afraid of the voices in his head telling him everything he feared was true. He had imagined a boy old enough to be a man kneeling in front of a twisted hunk of metal, fear twisting his chest, the fear that he would never be as strong as he needed to be, never as strong as his grandfather.

Landing the TIE ripped Ben from his reverie. From the position of the sun above his head he guessed that it was mid-day. It did not take long for the intense desert heat to make Ben instantly regret the many layers of thick black material that covered him. He stripped the cowl from around his shoulders and threw it over the side of the TIE and let his mask fall into the sand beside it.

“Rey?” Ben called from outside of the AT AT’s foot. His heart hitched when there was no response. He ducked his head inside, surprised at how much of a difference in temperature the shelter gave. “Rey?”

The shelter was dark and empty. Ben took a moment, his attention captured by the many thousands of marks scratched onto the metal walls. Each was a day, he knew that, he had seen her scratch them. He felt tears threaten his eyes as her pain, now his, became more real than he had ever imagined. He had been the one to tell her of her parent’s fate, he had called her _nothing_ which he knew was one of her greatest fears. He hated himself for that, but he hated himself for a great many things.

“Ben!” Called a voice from outside; Rey.

He turned in the doorway just in time to see Rey descending from a junk-heap of a speeder. The wind whipped the sand into a maelstrom around her, making it look like she was caught in a storm, but Ben knew better. Rey was the storm.

She had rushed into his life, an intoxicating mixture of fury and compassion – though some would say it was the other way around. She had turned his life upside down, threatened to destroy every lie and fabrication he had built himself upon. The idea had terrified him, even if she, herself, had enticed him. She was his equal and his opposite in every way, but when he was near her it was like being in the eye of the storm – it was balance and peace amidst swirling chaos.

“You left.” Ben pointed out in a way that was distinctively not a question. He wanted to ask her why she had left. His heart was pounding heavily against his chest. He wondered if she had been trying to give him a heart attack; kill him for good this time.

“Did you think I was just going to sit around waiting for you?” She asked, turning her back to him to rummage through a mesh bag of junk strapped to the speeder. “You took forever.”

“You do realize that space travel takes time, don’t you?” Ben asked, hearing the unwarranted annoyance in his own voice. He crossed his arms and let his anxiety wane.

“I do, yes.” She said turning to face him again, narrowing her eyes. “If you’ll remember I’ve done quite a bit of it myself, but I can’t just sit still.”

“I understand.” Ben said. He really did understand. The adrenaline had not stopped pumping through his veins since he woke up in a past version of himself that he would have liked very much to forget. “What now, we head to the Resistance Base? Do you know where that is?”

“Of course, I do.” Rey said, rolling her eyes. “We should probably find another ship though, your TIE is nice,” Ben noted the sarcasm in Rey’s voice and did his best not to seem wounded. It really was a nice ship. “But it’s quite small and I’d rather not sit on your lap on the entire trip to the base.”

Ben was glad for the mixture of the desert heat and his far too warm, far too thick clothes as his face was most likely already a bright red from overheating.

“And I can’t imagine the Resistance leaders being happy about a TIE flying right up to the base, not to mention it would be easily tracked.” Ben added.

“They would probably shoot it out of the sky on sight.” Rey agreed with a small laugh.

“They might try.” Ben added humorlessly. Rey rolled her eyes at him yet again, but then she perked up, her eyes going wide, a smile forming on her face.

“The _Falcon_!” She exclaimed.

“What?” Ben asked, confused as to what the old ship had to do with anything.

“The _Millennium Falcon_ ,” Rey explained slowly, as though Ben had no idea what ship she was talking about. It was his turn to roll his eyes. “That’s how we escaped Jakku last time, Plutt has it we could take it and then… Han will find us! He’s got a…”

Ben could not hear anything over the rushing blood in his ears. The realization came crashing over him like a wave. Han, his _father_ , was still alive and Ben could not breathe. The full implications of their situation had not fully caught up with him until this moment. His father, his mother - both of his parents were still alive. For the first time since realizing that he _could_ go back he actually had something to go back to.

“Ben?” Rey had drawn closer, a concerned look on her face. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes.” Ben knew that he could not speak much right now, or his voice would be a wavering mess. “That’s a good plan.”

Before they left, Ben returned to the TIE to gather his mask and cowl. Rey shot him an inquisitive look but said nothing, hopping on the speeder and patting the spot behind her for him to join her. Rey covered her face with some scraps of fabric and a pair of dusty goggles, to protect herself from flying sand, Ben realized, placing his own mask over his face. They sped away from the abandoned shelter and First Order ship and Ben’s mind was too lost in thought to be flustered about Rey being in his arms.


	2. The Falcon

As they approached Niima outpost, Rey skidded the speeder to a halt at the crest of the hill overlooking the buildings below. She lifted her goggles, which did protect her eyes but also impaired her vision quite a bit, and squinted her eyes, trying to make out where the _Falcon_ was and the best route to it from where they were now. Rey wanted to avoid as many people as possible. Ben was not yet – and never would be, she reminded herself – the Supreme Leader of the First Order, but he was an intimidating figure none-the-less, and highly memorable at that. The fewer people that could give descriptions of the pair, the better.

Luckily for them, the _Falcon_ , was out of the way mostly, located with other junked out ships and freighters that Plutt had collected. Unluckily for them, it was the middle of the day and Niima was bustling with activity.

“So, what’s the plan?” Ben asked. Rey wondered if the sound of his electronically distorted voice would ever not send shivers down her spine. “Just walk up and take it?”

“That would be difficult,” Rey began, biting her lower lip nervously. “We had the _lucky_ distraction of a First Order attack when we stole the _Falcon_ the first time.”

“You’re welcome.” Ben said followed by something that sounded suspiciously like a mechanical huff of laughter. “Sorry, I don’t think we’ll have that this time.”

“No, you’re probably right.” Rey agreed with a smirk. “So, Plutt’s thugs will probably try and stop us this time.”

“I think we can handle them, Rey.” Ben said, unimpressed.

“Oh, I’m sure we can, but I’d prefer to leave here without a body count if possible. If that’s alright with you.” Ben said nothing so Rey continued. “I could go down and cause some sort of distraction, perhaps? While everyone is distracted you can sneak onto the ship and get it prepared for take-off. Once it’s ready I’ll join you and we’ll go. They won’t be able to find us, right?”

“What kind of distraction?”

Rey huffed; she hadn’t really thought one up yet. Could she just go down there and start raving madness at everyone? Surely that would catch their attention for a moment, but would it keep their attention? She thought about using the force to throw some things about. That would certainly draw attention her way, maybe too much though. She could imagine it now, some sun-worn local telling a stormtrooper captain “Oh, yeah, the Jedi girl? She went that-a-way.” No that wouldn’t do.

“I-I don’t know, something distracting.” She could figure it out when she got down there.

“You know what, those do tend to be the best kinds of distractions.” She could see Ben shake his head out of the corner of her eye and decided to ignore it.

“Just focus on the _Falcon_ , okay?” She said, annoyance tinting her voice. “I’ll get us down there, just sneak around and start the ship, easy as that.”

“Yes, I’m sure I’ll blend right in.” Ben responded dryly.

“That’s not my fault, I didn’t pick your wardrobe.” Rey laughed. “I have to say, I much prefer the shorter tunic to this dress.” Rey said, indicating the long ankle length robe he was currently wearing. “But fair enough, I’ll take us round back first.”

“It’s not a -” Ben growled but cut himself short with an exasperated sigh. “Fine, just please hurry. It’s very hot out here.”

“Again, not my fault.” Rey laughed again as she moved her goggles back into place. “How many layers are you wearing, anyway?”

If Ben answered, she could not her him over the engine of the speeder as it roared back to life under them. She did, however, feel him sigh yet again against her back and tighten his grip around her waist as he prepared for their descent towards Niima.

Rey skirted the outposts perimeter and stopped in an unpopulated (for now) spot on the south side of the outpost as close to the _Falcon_ as possible. Ben hopped off and ducked behind a nearby pile of junk. With a quick nod from him, Rey was off, only glancing back once to see the great, hulking, black-clad figure trying to sneak around a sand-covered outpost. Rey shook her head and sighed. This was a _terrible_ plan.

Rey circled back so that she was planted smack-dab in the middle of the outpost. Distraction, she needed a distraction. Her mind raced. Out of the corner of her eye, Rey saw a flash of black. It was gone as soon as she turned her head, but she knew who it was.

“I’m going to kill him.” She muttered to herself under her breath. “I really am.”

Others were turning and looking in the same direction, whispering and pointing among themselves. Okay, it was definitely time for that distraction. Without thinking, Rey hopped onto the speeder and kicked the speed as high as it would go. She pointed to an empty, nearly decrepit shell of a building, taking care to make sure there were no people around. She jumped off of the machine just in time, tucking and rolling into the sand below, as the speeder hit the building with a fiery and deafening crash.

People were shouting and running all about, but they were definitely distracted. Rey popped up into a low crouch and swiveled in her spot. Seeing the bright blue glow of the _Falcon’s_ sublight engine blowing the sand tarp off of the ship she started running. Ben was at the bottom of the ship’s ramp, mask off, dark hair blowing in the wind. His eyes were wide, staring past Rey and his mouth was forming words Rey was too far away to hear.

“What happened?” He cried as she rushed past him.

“A distraction!” Rey called back. Rey was about to plop down into the pilot’s seat when a large hand clamped down on her shoulder.

“No, you’re co-pilot.” Ben said shoving past her. Rey was frozen for a moment, her hands tightening into fists as frustration boiled in her chest.

“I _know_ how to fly this ship.” She said. Rey had been the unofficial pilot of the _Falcon_ after Han’s death. Chewie hadn’t wanted it, though Rey had still had a hard time thinking of the ship as her own. Seeing someone else in the pilot’s seat prickled her. Ben looked back at her, shaking his head.

“Yeah,” He laughed humorlessly. “So do I.”

Sudden embarrassment hit Rey’s gut. Of course, Ben knew this ship, it was his fathers. He knew this ship better than she ever would. Ben probably learned how to fly in this ship. She imagined chubby hands reaching for the steering controls, a younger Han encouraging the boy who was far too young to be flying anything. Voices from outside seemed to be growing closer now. _Stop them! That’s my ship!_

“You may want to sit down now.” He said, flipping a switch causing the ship to rise shakily into the air. “Oh, this feels terrible. How long has this thing just been sitting here rusting?”

“A few years now.” Rey said, taking her seat in the co-pilot’s spot. A memory came over Rey, gasses mixing to form a poisonous concoction. “The motivator’s shot. Among a few other things, but that is the main concern.” She sighed, flipping on the deflector shields. Just in time too, she could hear the tell-tale sound of blaster fire outside of the ship. “As soon as we’re up in the black, I’ll have to take care of that.”

“That’s… not great.” Ben grumbled as he pulled back the yoke, pointing the ship straight at the sky. The ship shuddered for a moment but, thankfully, did not stall.

“Whoa, take it easy.” Rey said, gripping the armrests with white knuckles as the ship tore up into the sky, breaking through the atmosphere.

“Don’t worry,” Ben’s voice seemed completely unaffected. “This ship’s been through a lot worse than this.”

Rey laughed, remembering Poe returning the _Falcon_ on Ajan Kloss, the majority of it in flames after he had tried lightspeed skipping – succeeded in lightspeed skipping, she supposed. Rey had been so furious with him. Of course, this had been after a year of Rey catching up on all of the maintenance the ship had so sorely needed. Who knew how much it could take now? With the way it shuddered through the atmosphere, it felt like a stiff breeze could blow it to pieces.

Rey’s teeth stopped vibrating as the ship cleared the planet’s gravitational pull and settled into the inky blackness of space. Millions of stars dotted the void beyond. Rey’s breath caught in her throat. She wondered if she would ever get over the beauty of space, if she would ever grow used to it. She turned to see Ben watching her curiously.

“The motivator?” Ben reminded her slowly.

“Oh!” Rey shot up in her seat, rushing over to grab the ship’s tool kit. Ben followed, his pace far less frantic. Rey looked back to see that, at some point, he had removed his long outer robe and arm guards, leaving only the loose, plain black tunic and trousers. Ben stretched his shoulders and rolled his neck. Rey shook her head slightly, returning her attention to removing the correct floor panel.

Rey jumped down, taking a Harris wrench with her and got to work on stabilizing the motivator. Luckily, it had not yet started leaking, but she could tell that it would soon. Ben sat down on the edge of the floor panel above, one leg hanging into the opening.

“Now what?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Now… we wait.” Rey said, focusing on the necessary repairs. A list began forming in her mind of everything that needed to be taken care of, the _Falcon_ was in poor shape currently, but it would fly so long as she could fix this now.

“We just wait around?” Ben asked with a huff. “Some plan.” He muttered under his breath.

“Listen,” Rey said, tearing her focus away from the ship for a moment to point her wrench in Ben’s direction. “I’m just telling you what happened last time, okay?” Rey turned back to the motivator. “There’s a beacon on the ship, it snaps on when the ship is powered up. Han will see that and come to us… so long as he’s nearby I suppose.” Rey set down the wrench and held out an empty hand. “Can I -” She was cut off by a Pilex driver being placed in her open palm. “Thanks.”

“And if he’s not nearby?” Ben asked. Rey could almost hear the smirk on his face. She groaned, almost preferring the emotionless tones of Kylo Ren.

“We’ll just head to the base. I just thought… Could you -”

“Bonding tape?” Ben asked, already handing her the tape. Rey took the tape and flashed Ben a poisonous smile.

“I just hope he’s not still off rounding up rathtars.” She muttered.

“What is my father doing with rathtars?” Ben asked, his tone incredulous.

“Apparently selling them to a king.” Rey sighed, having finished her repairs and lifting herself up onto the floor panel across from Ben. He looked at her one eyebrow quirked; a corner of his mouth turned up slightly. “And screwing over two different gangs in the process.”

“Yeah,” Ben snorted. “That sounds like my father.”

Rey stood, brushing the dark oils stains from her hands onto a piece of the fabric that crisscrossed over her torso. Ben also stood, gathering the tools and replacing the floor panel.

“Your father is in danger, Ben. That’s one of the reasons I want to make sure he finds us. Those gangs are looking for him, and they aren’t interested in talking.” Rey said, taking a step towards Ben. He looked at her for a moment, a soft smile forming on his lips.

“My father is always in danger,” he said with a quiet sigh. His dark eyes grew distant, as though he were looking off into a far-away horizon. “That’s the story of his life.” Ben's lips curled into a smile that reached his eyes which crinkled in the corners and Rey wasn’t sure if she had ever seen anything so incredible. “Did you know that he spent a whole year frozen in carbonite?” He laughed. “I can’t even tell you how many times he told me the story.”

Ben’s face fell in an instant. His eyes grew cold, glistening with ghosts of the past, some of them from a past that would never come to be. Rey could not say for sure what had changed his mood so instantaneously, but she had a guess. She reached out and touched his sleeve. Ben looked at her and for a moment she thought that he might cry.

“Ben,” She said softly, but she had no other words.

Rey could feel Ben’s sorrow and it had nothing to do with their bond. It radiated off of him, like heat from a star. She wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. Ben seemed thrown for a moment, but soon relaxed, placing his hands on her back and melting into the embrace. Rey could feel him sigh against her, a deep and ragged thing.

“Killing,” he began, his voice too tight to continue. “Killing my father was the worst mistake of my life. I knew it instantly, I knew it before I did it, I think.” Rey could feel his heavy heart like it was a stone in her hands. She wished she could reach in and take the pain from him as she had done on the wreckage of the Death Star, but this was not the kind of wound she could heal.

“Things are different now,” Rey said, burying her face in his tunic. “Your father is _alive_.”

“That doesn’t change what happened.” Ben pulled her against him tighter. “That doesn’t change what I did.”

“You can’t change the past,” Rey began, but then dissolved into laughter at the irony of their situation. Ben began to laugh as well. They stood there for a while, holding each other and laughing at the absurdity of what was happening. Tears streamed down Rey’s cheeks. As soon as they both calmed down, Rey pulled away to look up at Ben’s face, keeping her hands at his waist.

“You can’t change what happened. You can’t undo the decisions you made.” He looked away from her. “But, you can start to make the right ones.”

Ben’s mouth quirked and he sighed.

“That’s my plan.” He closed his eyes. “Will that be enough?”

“It has to be.” They pulled apart and Ben sighed as if gathering himself.

“So, how much longer do you -” Ben started, but he was interrupted by the ship’s lights dimming.

Ben and Rey looked at each other, eyes wide, and a wide smile spread across Rey’s face. Both rushed to the cockpit to see a huge, bulky ship had trapped them in its tractor beam. Ben looked warily at Rey who simply nodded in response. Ben turned back to the ship. Rey saw him take a deep, shuddering breath and took his hand in hers and squeezed once. Ben squeezed back and they waited in silence until they were in the hangar of the larger ship and the _Falcon’s_ cabin door _whoosh_ open.

“Chewie, we’re home.” Han’s voice came from the lounge. Rey’s heart soared and tears stung the corners of her eyes. Ben squeezed Rey’s hand again as they made their way towards the sound.

“Come on out, all of you.” Han called out. Chewie roared in agreement.

The door flew open and they saw Han, his blaster pointed straight at them, his face screwed up in determination. It took everything Rey had in her not to burst into tears. It was one thing knowing that Han was alive, it was quite another to see him in front of her in the flesh.

“Alright, hands up. Where’s the rest…” he trailed off, his blaster falling to his side and his eyes going wide. Han’s jaw went slack as his eyes searched the two people in front of him, or maybe just one of them. “Ben?” he asked, his voice quiet and trembling. He sounded as though he were worried speaking too loudly might scare away the man in front of him or break the illusion.

There was a moment of silence that must have felt much longer than it was. Ben let go of Rey’s hand and approached his father, his lower lip trembling. Ben wrapped the older man in an embrace. Han’s arms wrapped around his son instantly. Neither Chewie nor Rey moved, neither felt they had the right to break up such a moment.

“Dad,” Ben said, his voice shaking just as much as Han’s had. His back heaved in a silent sob. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything.” He whispered.

* * *

Ben was not sure who pulled out of the embrace first, himself or his father. Han cupped Ben’s cheek and Ben nearly burst into tears again, but he did not allow himself to. He took a deep breath and stared into his father’s eyes. His father was alive, he wasn’t a memory or a dream, this was real.

“Ben,” Han said again. Ben’s father was not a crying man, in fact, Ben could not remember his father ever crying before, but tears threatened the corners of his eyes now. Ben's father's eyes flicked all over his son's face, searching him, perhaps memorizing every detail in case this was all a dream. “What are you doing here? How did you…” Han trailed off. Ben shook his head with a half-smile.

“It’s a long story.” He said thickly. “You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“Try me, kid.” Han said with a laugh, slapping his son’s arm. “At this point, you’d be surprised what I’d believe.”

“We’re headed to the Resistance Base.” Rey said behind them, quietly. Han took a step back, looking at Rey as though he had only just noticed her. Han looked her up and down and then shot a quick look at Ben.

“Are you, then?” He crossed his arms, a signature smirk settling on his face. “Where’d you get the _Falcon_ , anyway?”

“We stole it from Unkar Plutt, on Jakku.” Rey stepped forward so that she was side-to-side with Ben. Ben’s fingers twitched as he nearly reached for her hand again, but he thought better of it. Rey had held his hand in solidarity, to comfort and support him, he did not want to take advantage of her kindness.

“Gah,” Han shook his head. “Plutt, I should have known.”

“You should come with us.” Rey offered. Ben looked down at her and she smiled at him. She nudged him with her elbow.

“Yes,” Ben agreed awkwardly. He did want his father to go with them, but he didn’t know what words to use to express that.

“Of course,” Han said, patting Ben on the shoulder. His face turned downcast and he started chewing on the inside of his cheek. “Well, Chewie and I are in the middle of a pretty important job right now, maybe you and…”

Chewie interrupted Ben’s father with a roar. He had said Han was being ridiculous and of course they should go with Ben. Then, Chewie stepped forward and wrapped Ben in a warm, fuzzy embrace, lifting Ben off of the ground as only Chewie could.

A familiar pain pierced Ben’s heart. He felt like a child again, his father choosing a job over his own son. Ben pushed it down. That kind of pain would open a doorway to Snoke and Palpatine, he knew that all too well.

“The Guavian Death Gang and Kanjiklub are after you, Han.” Rey piped up as Chewie set Ben down again. Han narrowed his eyes at the girl, his hand flicking to his blaster, instinctively.

“How’d you know that?” He asked, his voice laced with suspicion.

Rey seemed taken aback. Ben realized that Rey had not thought of how to explain her insider knowledge to a person who had never met her before. Rey looked at Ben, her eyes pleading. Ben opened his mouth, but as he did so, Rey spoke.

“The force.” She explained quickly. Han crossed his arms and his eyes narrowed even further.

“That’s not how the force works…” He started, but then his eyes flicked up to Ben. “Is it?”

“It is.” Ben nodded. “Sometimes.”

“Well, that’s not good news.” Han laughed. “I suppose they want their money.” He sighed and rubbed one hand on the back of his neck. “Yeah, it’s probably for the best that we go with the two of you.” Han smiled up at Ben and Ben though his heart might break.

Han and Chewie left to disengage the lockdown they had placed on the _Falcon_. They agreed to gift the _Eravana_ to the crew onboard as well as the job they had lined up, Ben suspected this was mostly to throw the two gangs off of his father’s scent for as long as possible. Ben looked at Rey and felt a smile spread across his face, but it must have looked sadder than he intended.

“Hey, everything’s alright.” Rey said, rubbing his arm. Ben wondered when their relationship had warranted so much physical contact, not that he was complaining. He had no words, so he simply nodded at her.

When Chewie and Ben’s father returned the four strapped in for takeoff, Han in the pilot seat, Chewie co-pilot, and Ben and Rey in the seats behind.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Ben asked, turning to Rey.

“The base is on D’qar.” Rey responded.

“D’qar, huh?” Han said absentmindedly, punching in coordinates. With a flash of stars streaking across the sky they hit lightspeed. Once they were in hyperspace, Han swiveled his chair around to face Rey.

“We were never properly introduced,” Han said. Ben suppressed an eye roll. Only his father could sound so sarcastic when being polite. He stuck his hand out to Rey. “What’s your name?”

“Rey,” She responded, taking his hand.

“Han Solo.” Ben’s father said with a roguish smirk. “And this is Chewbaca.” He gestured to the wookie who grunted a greeting.

“I know.” Rey laughed. Ben’s stomach dropped, but then he realized that Rey would have good cause to know who his father was. For one, Han Solo was a famous war hero and general, also, Rey was traveling with Han’s son.

“Of course, you do.” Han said with a sly look towards Ben. “So, you’re with the Resistance?” Rey blanched at the question.

“Yes,” She responded tightly.

Rey looked to Ben for help, but for the life of him he could not figure out why, and then it hit him. While Rey _had_ been a part of the Resistance, she was not _currently_ part of it, and yet she knew the location of their base. When they arrived and no one knew who she was, that was going to raise questions.

“How long to D’qar?” Ben asked his father.

“Oh, a few hours at least.” Han was still looking at Rey. Ben knew that look all too well, the suspicious eyes of a smuggler.

“Rey and I have had a very long day.” Ben said, faking a yawn and stretching his arms over his head. “I think we should get some rest. Rey,” he reached out a hand to help her out of her seat and instantly wondered if it was too much. “I can show you where the crew quarters are.”

“Actually, son,” Han started and panic gripped Ben’s heart. “Chewie can show her, I’d like to speak with you for a moment if that’s alright.”

Rey stood reluctantly and looked back at Ben, who swallowed hard, as Chewie led her back towards where the crew bunks were. Of course, Rey already knew where they were, but he and she needed to talk, needed to get their story straight. They couldn’t go around telling people that they were time travelers, they would look completely insane, even to Ben’s own father. Ben stood slowly and sat in the co-pilot’s seat, feeling like a small boy again.

“Ben,” Han began, taking one of Ben’s hands in his own. Han’s hands were older than Ben remembered. His fingers were still tough and calloused, but the skin was wrinkled and loose. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy to see you, you can’t imagine, but what happened? One minute you’re with the First Order and the next – here you are.”

Ben swallowed hard and thought on this for a moment. What could he tell his father that would make him understand without compromising his and Rey’s secret? Ben decided to tell the truth.

“I realized a lot of things weren’t the way I thought they were. My reality had been so twisted and I…” Ben didn’t know how to finish that sentence, but his father seemed to understand anyway. Han nodded in understanding and acceptance.

Painful shame shot through Ben so violently he almost winced. Snoke had made it seem like it would have been impossible to return home, that no one had loved him or cared for him or would ever forgive him. If only Ben had known how easy it was to come home.

“Son,” Han’s voice faltered, and tears spilled from his eyes. “I am so proud of you. You know, when you’re going where you need to be, sometimes the path isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes, you’ve got to zig and zag and sometimes you get lost along the way. But the Solos, we always make it in the end.”

Ben’s father embraced him yet again. Ben wrapped his arms around his father.

“So,” Han sat back, laughing, regaining his composure. “Who’s the girl?” He cocked an eyebrow and Ben realized instantly that his father had the wrong idea.

“She’s” Ben sputtered, searching his brain for a word that described his and Rey’s relationship. “A friend.” Ben hoped that by this point he and Rey could be described as such. A gnawing doubt in his stomach whispered in his ear that, to her, he was nothing more than one half of a dyad she unwillingly shared. He pushed that voice away.

“Sure, she is.” Han laughed, tapping Ben’s arm with a fist as he winked at him.

Ben sighed and thought about reiterating that his father had the wrong idea, but he knew that his effort would be wasted. He rose and shot his father a small smile.

“I really am tired; I’m going to go rest my eyes a bit. Wake me before we get to the base.” Han nodded and Ben made his way back to the crew quarters.

The lights were dimmed, and Ben could see that Chewie was not around, but he also saw that Rey was fast asleep on one of the lower bunks. She had curled herself into as small of a ball as possible, her legs tucked tightly into her chest, and laid on top of the blanket, he doubted she had intended to fall asleep. Ben considered waking her up for a moment, but she looked so peaceful.

His traitorous mind flashed an image of her cold on a stone floor, her eyes wide open and lifeless. He sat on the edge of the bed, feeling like the air had been knocked from his lungs. He tentatively touched her hand, it was warm, she was alright. Still, his jaw trembled, and his breathing came shallow. She would be fine, he assured himself. Nothing would happen to her this time; she would be safe. He would make sure of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive the very cringe-inducing Harry Potter reference (i.e. 'eyes glistening with the ghosts of his past') - I do apologize, but every time I would read over it in editing I would crack up, I couldn't help myself. So far I have been switching back and froth pretty evenly between Rey and Ben's POVs and I plan on having one POV for each in each chapter. I have no plans to include any other character's POV, if that changes or if I change the POV order I will let you all know at the start of the chapter. This was a super fun chapter to write, so I really hope you enjoy reading!
> 
> Also, I've updated some of the tags and warnings. I've chosen to rate this story as 'Mature', I don't plan on any smut but there will be some violence down the road and that rating seemed most appropriate. I'm very new to the fan-fiction scene, so I apologize if I've mis-rated or mis-tagged anything.
> 
> Also, Also, the line "You know, when you’re going where you need to be, sometimes the path isn’t always a straight line. Sometimes, you’ve got to zig and zag and sometimes you get lost along the way." Is a paraphrased quote from, I believe, Aftermath: Empire's End. So, as much as I love the line, I cannot take credit for it!


	3. Family Reunion

Rey awoke several hours later to Ben gently shaking her shoulder. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep, really. She’d sat on the bed waiting for Ben, but the lights had been dimmed and she had been so tired, she couldn’t help herself. If the dark circles under Ben’s eyes were anything to go by, he hadn’t slept at all. It had to have been over a full day since they woke up in this time, he had to be exhausted.

“Sorry,” Rey mumbled sleepily. Her voice was thick, and her limbs felt heavy as she lifted herself.

“Don’t worry about it.” Ben said, sitting beside her. “What I said was true, we have had a long day.” Rey gave him a groggy smile.

“You should get some sleep too.” Rey said. Ben looked at her and shook his head with a sleepy smile.

“I’m fine, really. We’re almost there, anyway. That’s why I woke you.”

“You should have woken me sooner.” Rey curled her legs into her chest and hid her face behind them. “What are we going to do? No one is going to recognize me. How will I explain knowing the location of the base?”

“Well,” Ben started, running a hand through his hair. “Maybe a Resistance member or recruit told you?”

“Ben,” Rey sighed. “I don’t know how things were run in the First Order, but the Resistance doesn’t just go around telling everyone and anyone the location of their top-secret base.”

“Yeah, a very well-kept secret.” Ben muttered under his breath. Rey kicked his side, but not too hard. Ben laughed an apology. Yet again, Rey was amazed at how much younger Ben looked when he laughed or smiled.

“Seriously, what are we going to do?” Rey cupped a palm over her eyes.

Ben sighed beside her. Rey peaked out between her fingers to see Ben staring intently as his own folded hands, hair shielding his eyes like dark curtains.

“Maybe we tell them the truth?” He suggested. Rey shot up at that.

“Are you serious? They’ll think were crazy – they’ll never believe us.”

“We’ll just have to find some way to make them believe us. I’ve been thinking about it and I don’t see another way of explaining the Sith fleet and the Emperor to them without coming clean.” Ben’s shoulders slumped forward.

Rey took a deep breath and relaxed her shoulders. Ben was right, she knew that, but the idea of explaining everything seemed an insurmountable task, especially when she and Ben hardly understood what was happening themselves.

“You’re right. But I think we should try to speak with your mother in private about it first.” Rey admitted. “This should be on a very need-to-know basis.” Ben huffed out a small laugh, something Rey was realizing he did a lot.

“I hadn’t planned on briefing the other generals upon or arrival anyway.” Ben said, his mouth forming a half-smile that so reminded Rey of Han.

It was then that Rey noticed Ben’s black and chrome mask sitting beside him on the bed. She scrunched up her face at the sight of it.

“Why are you keeping that thing?” Rey had almost added ‘ _Good memories?’_ but stopped herself before she made that mistake.

Ben quirked an eyebrow at her, seemingly confused, before looking to his right at the mask beside him. He sucked in a breath in realization, picking up the mask.

“I was storing this in it.” He pressed something on the side and thin, black data stick slid out from a hidden compartment.

“Why was it in your helmet?” Rey asked, tilting her head.

“It was the most secure place to keep it,” He began, but then he sighed and rolled his eyes. “… And, my clothes don’t have pockets.” Rey cracked up at that.

“Your clothes don’t have pockets?” She wheezed. “They really were form over function in the First Order, weren’t they?” Ben did not respond to this, just shook his head and chuckled.

“Come on, lets get out there. We’ll probably be dropping out of hyperspace soon.” Ben stood and offered her his hand as he had done earlier in the cockpit, and once in their lives before, a time Rey did not particularly care to revisit now.

Normally, she would find the gesture unnecessary at best and insulting at worst. She could get up herself, thank you very much. However, she knew that Ben knew she could get up by herself. He knew exactly how strong she was, like no one else did. He knew her like no one else did. Rey took his hand and stood.

They took their seats the cockpit just as the _Falcon_ entered realspace above D’qar. As they pierced the atmosphere above the base, they received a communication asking for identification. After a bit of back and forth, Han finally said,

“I need to speak with General Organa. It’s her husband, Han.” Han sounded tired and more than a little anxious.

They were given landing permission almost immediately. After landing, the four gathered by the ramp as it lowered. Han gave his son a quick nod and a pat on the back before descending with Chewie. Rey stayed back with Ben. She could tell how tense he was just by looking at him. She wanted to hug him, let him know that everything was going to be fine, but she knew that she had been overly physical yesterday and she didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. Instead, she offered her hand, which he took, and led him down the ramp and into the waning daylight.

Rey heard the general before she saw her. Just as when she saw Han, Rey’s heart swelled with joy. Rey hadn’t been back to the base after the battle, but she had felt Leia’s loss all the same. It had torn at her in almost a physical way. She had felt as though she had lost a mother and she had felt the same pain in Ben as he had lay dying as the waves of Kef Bir crashed around them. Seeing the General in front of her, alive and in the flesh, looking healthier than ever, brought a huge smile to Rey’s face.

Ben squeezed Rey’s hand and she could feel his anxiety flow through her. She looked back and shot him a warm smile, one that he tried to return, but it only looked pained and sad. She squeezed his hand back.

Leia had been too focused on greeting Han and Chewie when Rey and Ben had descended the ship’s ramp, but as they drew nearer, Han nodded in Ben’s direction and Leia turned around. Recognition hit her instantly. Leia’s eyes few open wide and it looked for a moment as though she may faint. Apparently, Han saw that too as he steadied Leia by grabbing an arm, but she shook him off, shooting him an indignant look in the process.

Leia ran to her son, throwing both of her arms around his waist and hugging him tight. Rey let go of Ben’s hand and stepped away towards Han and Chewie who were also hanging back. This moment didn’t belong to any of them.

Rey could tell Ben was tense and uncomfortable at first. His arms stayed straight and firm at first, pinned down by his mother’s arms. After a while though, Ben melted. His back hunched, his arms reached around his mother and held her back. They stayed like that for a while.

“Hey, kid.” Han whispered into Rey’s ear, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. Rey turned to face Han, he grinned at her softly. “I wanted to thank you for bringing our boy home.” Han placed a hand on Rey’s shoulder.

“No,” Rey tried to shake her head. “I didn’t…”

“Listen, deny it all you want, but I know that you had something to do with it. I don’t know who you are, or how you did it, but I know that you were a part of it.” Rey smiled at that. She wanted to say that he and Leia had also played a significant part in helping Ben see his way back to the light, but Han wouldn’t understand, not yet. “You mean a lot to him, I can tell.”

Han turned back just in time to see his wife and son break their embrace. Rey’s face fell. Rey knew that she meant a lot to Ben and he meant a lot to her. It was the nature of their bond. What had Han meant, though, when he said that he could _tell_? Rey was ripped from this line of thought by a gentle hand on her shoulder, one that she knew all too well. She stared down into the kind, brown eyes of her former master, Leia. Rey smiled.

“Dear, my son tells me that we have a lot to discuss…” She turned back to face Ben who was standing right behind her, towering over the diminutive woman. “In private, apparently.” Leia smiled slyly at her son.

Leia ushered them through the base and into a private meeting room. It wasn’t much to look at, plain concrete walls, exactly what Rey had come to expect from a Resistance base. She was fine with it, it felt like home to her, or as much like home as anything else had. Ben seemed a bit more uncomfortable, but he had other reasons to be as well. Rey could see him fidgeting with the thin data stick in his hand.

Han followed, at Leia’s insistence. Ben had agreed and Rey had said nothing, she knew he was trustworthy, though she was wary of his understanding the situation. Leia understood the force while Han seemed to have a tenuous grasp at best. Leia and Han sat on one side of a long table and Rey and Ben sat at the other. Rey began to feel as though she were being interrogated, and she supposed she was. To the two across from her, Rey was basically an unknown element, and Ben, while he was their son, had been a high-ranking member of the First Order as of just a couple of days ago.

“So, what is it you need to tell us?” Leia prompted, folding her hands on the table in front of her.

Ben took in a deep breath but said nothing. Rey looked at him, wondering if she should start the conversation, but he looked just as lost as she felt at that moment. Rey turned back to Leia; an apologetic smile slapped on her face.

“Sorry, we’re not really sure where to start.” Rey said, laughing nervously.

“The beginning is usually as good a place as any.” Leia said, smiling.

Rey and Ben looked at each other and each let out a short, awkward laugh.

“That might be a bit more complicated than it seems.” Ben said, exhaling deeply.

Leia said nothing in response to that, but looked from Rey to Ben quizzically, one eyebrow raised. Rey sighed, she may as well get it over with, rip off the metaphorical bacta patch.

“Ben and I are from an alternate timeline.”

* * *

The air left Ben’s lungs as Rey spoke. He heard the crazy. Fear pierced his heart, maybe she had been right, maybe this had been a mistake. The two across from them were certainly looking at Rey like she were not firing on all thrusters. Ben opened his mouth to defend Rey’s position, or completely go back on it, he hadn’t quite decided yet, when she spoke again.

“I guess it would be easier to say that we are from the future… a future, one that we are currently trying to prevent.” Ben sighed, shaking his head. That didn’t sound any saner.

Leia tilted her head and looked between Rey and Ben for a moment, her eyes narrowed and quizzical. Ben knew that look. Leia had always been able to see through anything, every lie, every piece of mis-information. Ben had never been able to get away with anything as a child, it had always seemed as though Leia had known what he was planning before he had even done it, sometimes before he knew what he was even planning to do himself. Part of that was obviously the force, which had allowed Leia to read her small son like a book, the other part was that she was his _mother_. He relaxed slightly, relived that they had decided to go with the truth, even as crazy as it sounded.

“You’ll have to excuse me,” Leia said, ever the diplomat, “if I find that very hard to believe.” Han laughed.

“Hard to believe?!” Han asked pointedly, looking at Ben. “It’s a bunch of bantha dung! Ben, what’s going on here?”

“She’s telling the truth,” Ben said, finally finding his voice. Rey shot him a look that was a confused mixture of annoyed and appreciative.

“Okay,” Rey sighed heavily. “Listen, I know this sounds… impossible, but just hear me out.” Rey took a deep breath and collected herself. “Before yesterday, Ben and I were alive just over a year in the future from now. We both, well, we died and woke up here – or, now, I suppose. I’m not sure if this is an alternate timeline, if this is the past. Honestly, we’re completely in the dark about what is happening.”

“All we know is that there are terrible things about to happen and we want to try to prevent them.” Ben slid the data stick across the table towards his mother. “The First Order has built a planet-killing weapon. They call it Starkiller Base, the plans are on that data stick. They are set to target the Hosnian system about a week from now, but once they realize I’ve defected and stolen the plans they will probably push the date up as soon as possible, though I am fairly sure the weapon is not currently fully operational.”

Leia regarded her son in silence, reaching tentatively for the data stick between them. She looked as though she has seen a ghost, her face was white as a sheet.

“There’s other information on there too, military planning and positions. The rest of the map to Luke. I took everything I thought would be valuable.” Ben finished. He noticed Rey looking over at him, here eyes wide in something like awe. He shot her a confused look and she turned away, facing Leia.

“Last time, the First Order found the location of this base by tracking a reconnaissance ship back here, so I would caution against sending one of those, I would imagine with the information I have provided it will not be necessary.” Ben lowered his head and with a slight shake added, “It ended very poorly for the Resistance last time.”

“Well, thank you, Ben. I’m sure this information will prove very useful, and I do appreciate it.” His mother cleared her throat before continuing. “I can sense that the two of you are telling the truth, but I’m having trouble understanding, I suppose.”

“I’m having trouble believing.” Han mumbled under his breath.

“I know where Luke is.” Rey sputtered almost too quickly for her words to be perceived.

Both Han and Leia looked at her, wide eyed, mouths agape.

“I know where Luke is because you sent me to get him last time. I can find him now, we don’t even need the map.” Leia stared intently at Rey as she continued. “He told me why you never finished your Jedi training.”

Whatever Rey meant was left unspoken, but Ben’s mother seemed to understand. She nodded, accepting that Rey was telling the truth.

“You were right.” Rey said, solemnly. Ben’s mother exhaled deeply and some light in her eyes dimmed. She looked very quickly at Ben and then back to Rey, taking the younger woman’s hand in her own. “But we can stop it this time, we can fix everything.” Rey sounded like she was almost pleading.

“Sweetheart,” Leia began, her voice was low, almost grave. She looked stricken. “I’m not sure that’s how these things work.” She patted Rey’s hand.

“Then why are we here? Why did this happen?” Rey’s voice broke on the question. Ben wanted to reach out to her, to his mother. He could see that they were heartbroken about something, but he had no clue what. He looked up at his father who looked just as lost as he was.

Leia Organa pulled back, folding her hands in front of her once more. She studied Ben and Rey from over her nose, another look Ben knew all too well. She was sizing up not just the two in front of her, but the whole situation. Ben’s mother’s mind was always working, always figuring something out, and even after nearly thirty years of being her son, Ben had no idea how it worked.

“I can’t tell you why this happened. I’m no Jedi master,” Leia chuckled, amused at the thought. “I doubt even Luke could explain what is happening. There are some things about the force, I think, that are impossible for us to understand until we become part of it.” Leia sighed. “What I do know, is that you kids are telling the truth, I believe you. I also know that we need to get to work on a plan to stop this cataclysm you mentioned.” Ben’s mother stood; the data stick he had given her clutched in her fist.

“Wait!” Rey cried; one hand reached out towards Ben’s mother. “There’s something else we need to tell you. Something…” Rey paused, considering her choice in words. “Really big.”

Rey looked at Ben, her eyes full of fear and worry. He knew what she meant, the very thought of it hung around his heart like a stone. It was the dark cloud that hung over both of them, that hung over the galaxy. Rey breathed in deeply.

“Palpatine is alive – the Emperor, he’s alive.” Leia sat back down at that. Her expression nearly blank, but her eyes held deep fear, confusion, disbelief. “He’s behind the First Order, behind Snoke, behind all of it. He always has been.” Rey looked down into her lap and took a deep breath in. “He’s after -”

“Both of us.” Ben interrupted. He couldn’t let Rey take all of the burden like that. He knew how badly finding out she was a Palpatine had affected her, he knew because he had told her, and he had told her to elicit that exact reaction. He knew what it would do to her mind and to her soul, the darkness and pain that it would stir in her because the same thing had happened to him when he learned Darth Vader was his grandfather. “Palpatine needs both of us.”

“Why?” His mother whispered. “Why does he need the two of you?”

“We’re a dyad in the force – two that are one.” Not for the first time, Ben wished he knew more about what a dyad actually was. It was such a rare thing, and there was very little literature about it – and he had looked. “The power of our bond, it’s like life itself. The Emperor can use it to restore himself. His body is decaying, he is dying. He needs us.”

“If he doesn’t – if he can’t get to you,” Ben’s mother looked him directly in the eyes, her own were swimming with tears. “He’ll just die?”

“The main problem is the Sith fleet.” Rey added solemnly. Ben awkwardly took one of his mother’s small hands in his own.

“He has thousands of ships – _thousands_ of star destroyers, all of them are equipped with Death Star technology.” Leia deflated at this; her shoulders slumped. Han pounded a fist on the table, mouth set into a hard line. “I’m sure those ships are already completed; he’s only waiting on us. I don’t think he knows that we know about him yet, but as soon as he does…” Ben trailed off, he knew he did not need to finish the thought.

After a moment of quiet, Ben’s mother sat up straighter. She looked over at Han and took her husband’s hand, her other hand still clasped in Ben's. The three looked between each other silently, connected, a team, a family once again, united by a common foe if nothing else in this moment. At some point during the conversation, the color had drained from Han’s face, but with one look from his wife he also steeled himself. Something inside of Ben softened, his mother was the strongest person he knew.

“A fleet like that, it could destroy the galaxy.” Han breathed.

“We’ve beaten him once before,” Rey said, sounding almost like she was trying to convince herself as much as Ben’s parents.

“I think we just need to do it without dying this time.” Ben laughed in a failed attempt to ease some of the tension in the room.

“We need to find Luke.” Rey said, plainly. Ben flinched at the sound of his uncle’s name. He could feel his face fall. He wanted to say something, wanted to protest, but he knew that Rey was right. To Ben’s surprise, Rey looked at him with a sympathetic smile and placed her hand on one of his own. He rubbed a thumb over her knuckles and relaxed some, though he was still grinding his teeth.

“That, I agree with.” Leia stood again and paused, as if waiting for some third shoe to drop. When neither Ben nor Rey spoke to stop her, Leia sighed. “We’ve got quite a bit of work ahead of us. For now, I need to go debrief the other generals on the Starkiller Base situation. Ben,” Leia looked to her son. “I’m not sure how much I will need to tell them to explain how you were able to get this information but thank you. It will be very helpful.”

Leia’s smile deepened the wrinkles around the corners of her eyes. Ben’s heart sank. She was so much older than he remembered. He had already lost so much time. He tried to return her smile, but he knew that the look he gave her was too sad to truly be called a smile.

“No,” Rey protested, standing beside Ben. “No one needs to know about… You’ll only be endangering Ben. Tell them he was an officer or something, they don’t need to know -”

“I don’t care what you tell them,” Ben said, his voice deep and toneless. Rey sighed at that. She seemed as though she wanted to say something else, but Ben shook his head.

“I will do what I can.” Leia said, turning her attention to Rey. “Ben _is_ my son, I will do what I can to protect him, of course. But I can’t compromise the lives of an entire system either.” Ben could feel Rey shrink back in her seat. “Ben, you look exhausted, please go get some rest.”

With that, Leia left the room, Han trailing close behind. Ben could hear his father growl " _What the hell was that, Leia?"_ Before the door closed behind them. Ben sighed deeply.

“That was easy.” He drawled. Rey laughed which lifted his spirits some. Ben stood, his muscles aching with exhaustion. He had to keep going.

“Come on,” Rey said, also standing and gesturing for Ben to follow her. Ben huffed, but knowing nothing about their surroundings he had really no choice but to follow her. _Enemy territory_ , he thought dryly while a sly smile played across his lips and he bit back a laugh.

This place was dilapidated, falling apart at the seams. The base, as it were, seemed to be nothing more than a series of concrete bunkers built into the hills, connected by a series of underground tunnels. The walls were cracking around them, great chunks were missing from the floor and ceilings of many of the tunnels. Ben had never been to any of the other bases, nor did he know where they were, but to think this was the main one, the best one? The idea was unbelievable. How could this group possibly beat the First Order and the Sith fleet, how _had_ they?

Rey led Ben to another small underground room. It was sparsely furnished, a few uncomfortable looking cots and footlockers lined the back wall. The room was empty, save for Ben and Rey.

“Your mother is right; you need to get some rest.” Rey said, leading Ben by the arm to one of the beds. Ben pulled his arm out of her grasp, a little more harshly than he had intended to.

“I’m fine.” He growled. “There’s too much to do.” Ben could feel the anxiety growing in his chest, it was scratching at him, clawing to get out, just as the twin evils of Snoke and Palpatine scratched at his mental barriers, desperate to get in.

“Not right now,” Rey reached out tentatively. Ben flinched subconsciously but did not move when she placed a hand on his arm. “You’re exhausted, Ben. You can’t keep going like this.” Ben laughed.

“I’ve gone far longer without sleep, I’m fine.” He insisted. Ben had not had a good night’s sleep in over a year. When he was able to fall asleep, it was restless, filled with nightmares. He’d watched his father falling from the walkway on Starkiller Base more times than he could count, Rey had left him alone on the _Supremacy_ , nearly as many times. Nightmares full of fire and screaming and blood haunted his subconscious. It was Rey’s turn to laugh.

“Yes, I know.” She said, looking up at him and shaking her head. “You’ve really been in top form the past few months, I can tell.” Sarcasm dripped from her words. An old, angry beast roared to life in Ben’s chest. He wanted to smash something. He balled both hands into tight fists and set his jaw. He would not let the darkness inside win, not this time.

“Rey, stop.” Ben warned, his voice tight. He could feel the muscles under his left eye twitch.

“No, Ben.” Rey said, planting herself on the bed in front of them, crossing her legs under her and patting the mattress in invitation. Ben’s breathing was quick, deep and angry. He could feel his nails biting into the flesh of his palms, suddenly missing his gloves. “You’ll be useless like this, you’ll get yourself killed. You need to rest.”

“I CAN’T!” Ben roared, his voice deafening even to his own ears. He instantly cringed at his overreaction. Rey did not flinch, her face was schooled into a calm, even expression. She patted the mattress again gently, her hazel eyes never leaving Ben’s face.

Ben collapsed onto the mattress beside her, his elbows on his knees and his hands buried in his hair. His breaths came in deep and thick. He _was_ exhausted, he had been for so long, but he couldn’t sleep, not now, not when it could endanger everything.

“I can’t,” he breathed, his voice no more than a whisper. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Rey raise an arm and hesitate, only momentarily, before placing a hand on his back. Ben felt some of his tension ebb instantaneously.

“Why not?” Rey asked softly as she rubbed slow, concentric circles on his back. Ben sighed deeply.

“They’re trying to get in,” Ben breathed, feeling almost relieved to say the words out loud, to have someone else know. “Snoke and Palpatine. I’m keeping them out, but if I fall asleep, I don’t know if I can.” Ben could feel his voice cracking over the last few words.

“Oh, Ben,” Rey said, her voice thick with emotion. She pressed her forehead to Ben’s shoulder and his heart quickened. “You need to sleep, you need to try.”

Rey let go of him and Ben felt a coldness wash over his body from the lack of her touch. She scooted back so that she sat at the head of the bed, her legs still crossed underneath her. She reached out for Ben and pulled him down, resting his head on her lap. Ben lifted his legs onto the bed, which was far too small for his height.

“Please try to sleep.” Rey said, sounding almost desperate. “I won’t leave you, I’ll stay right here.” She ran a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp. It felt like her hand was shaking slightly.

Ben sighed and closed his eyes and, despite the worry and anxiety boiling in his gut, he fell asleep almost instantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't you just love family reunions? I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I love Leia as a character in general, but adding in the... complex dynamics of the Organa-Solo family? Oh, too much fun! I hope you enjoy! 😊


	4. Preparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note: There are some very vague, slight spoilers to the Rise of Kylo Ren comic storyline in this chapter. It is contained entirely within the paragraph starting with "Ben flinched as the memories...", so if that's something you would prefer to avoid just skip to the next paragraph!

Rey did not know how much time passed with her sitting in the dark, running her fingers through Ben's – incredibly soft – hair before the door cracked open. At first, Rey was worried it was some Resistance pilot or officer and that she would have to explain what was going on, who they were and why they were not dangerous. Thankfully, it was Leia. Rey smiled and Leia eyed her suspiciously before returning the smile. Rey's heart sank, she was not used to Leia and Han having no idea who she was.

"You got him to go to sleep," Leia said, quietly, as she entered and slowly shut the door behind her. "I'm impressed. My son is very stubborn, not sure where he gets that from." Leia laughed quietly, almost sadly.

"Trust me, I know." Rey agreed with a quiet laugh of her own. She looked down at Ben who was fast asleep in her lap. He looked more relaxed and at peace than she had ever seen him before. The years melted away from his face, he looked like a boy.

"I'm sure you do." Leia laughed knowingly, casting a look between Rey and her son as she took a seat on the bed across from Rey.

"So, you've spoken with the other Resistance leaders?" Rey asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"I have," Leia began, setting her walking stick against the bed and folding her hands in her lap. "They are aware that Ben was a high-ranking official in the First Order, he would have to be to have access to the information he provided, and that he has defected. I did not mention the name Kylo Ren." Leia shuddered at her son's former alias. "However, I am not sure how long we will be able to keep that up." Leia added. "Especially, once they've seen that."

Leia gestured to Ben's lightsaber which Rey had unclipped from his belt and had set on the bed beside his sleeping form. Rey furrowed her brow at the thing, remembering the horrible, crackling red blade pressed up against her own, the heat from it burning her face as snow fell slowly all around them.

"It is quite distinctive, isn't it?" Rey scrunched up her nose, causing Leia to laugh.

"That it is," Leia agreed with a smile and then she sighed. "We can't protect him forever, Rey." Her voice was sad, the voice of a mother whose son's life was up in the air. "This war is bigger than any one person, bigger than you or me, bigger than him."

Rey's hand stilled, her fingers twisted in Ben's dark curls. She knew that Leia was right, she had known that when she died fighting the Emperor, so why did it hurt so much? Surely there was a reason they were given a second chance, they could make things right this time, that _had_ to be the reason. Rey simply nodded, acknowledging what Leia had said.

"Were we very close in your time, you and I?" Leia asked with a warm smile. Rey couldn't help but smile back, her eyes welling. She still couldn't believe that Leia was here in front of her.

"Yes," Rey nodded. "You were my master."

"Oh?" Leia looked at Rey quizzically. "Why was I…" Then, a sudden realization and sadness fell over her face. "Ah, never mind."

Rey was grateful that Leia did not probe further. As close as Rey felt to Leia, Luke, and Han, she did not feel that their fates were hers to tell. If that was something Ben wished to share with them at some point, that would be his choice to make.

"When are we headed to Starkiller?" Rey asked, Ben mumbled something below her, but he seemed relaxed still. Not a nightmare, she felt confident about that. If anything changed, if she would wake him up immediately. Ben was right that they couldn't risk Snoke and the Emperor breaking into his mind, but he also needed to sleep. Ben would run himself ragged if no one stopped him.

"In the morning, there are a few things to prepare still." Leia said tensely. "I didn't have a chance to ask Ben and you before I ran off earlier, but I assume you will be joining the mission?"

"Of course!" Rey said almost too loudly. Ben stirred but did not wake. She continued more quietly, "I mean, who here knows the base better than Ben and I, well besides…" Realization hit Rey all at once. She inhaled sharply. " _Finn_!" She whispered. Confusion was written over Leia's face.

"Finn is – was – is – my friend. He was a stormtrooper but he deserted when, oh but that won't happen now because…" Rey looked at the man sleeping below her with wild eyes. Finn would never be at the siege on Jakku because that wouldn't happen now. Rey was certain that he would still want to leave the First Order, that's just who Finn was, his heart was too big for the stormtrooper corps. Now though, there would be no Poe around to help him. He could _die_. Rey was close to hyperventilating.

"Rey, slow down, breathe." Leia said, her voice low and slow and comforting.

"I've got to help Finn, I have to." Rey said finally. She had no idea where he was. He had once been positioned on Starkiller, but Rey doubted that he still was. Would Ben know where Finn was? She was almost sure he wouldn't, but she would have to ask him anyway.

"Rey, I'm sure everyone here would be happy to help your friend, if we can." Leia stressed the last part. _This war is bigger than any one person._ Rang in Rey's ears. She knew that was true, she really did, but Finn had risked his life to save her when she was imprisoned on Starkiller Base. She _would_ find him, and she _would_ help him escape the First Order. There was no other option.

"Now," Leia said standing, leaning heavily on her cane. "I think the both of you could use a change of clothes before you head out."

"I can't move," Rey said, looking down at Ben who slept soundly in her lap. She did not have the heart to wake him, not when he was at peace like this. "I promised him I would stay." Leia smiled and something warm touched her eyes.

"Of course, I've already asked Han to grab some clothes for Ben. I'll do my best to guess your size." Leia opened the door and looked back just once before closing it. "And thank you, for taking care of my boy."

Before Rey could respond the door closed. Rey's mind raced, there was so much that had to be done. They had to destroy Starkiller Base, save Finn wherever he was, kill Snoke… or did they have to do that? Was Snoke an actual entity outside of Palpatine's influence? If they destroyed the Emperor, would Snoke go with him or would he keep running the First Order, unaffected by his master and creator's death? Was he a puppet or a minion? There were too many unanswerable questions, too many variables. Rey's head pounded. She laid her head back on the wall behind her and closed her eyes.

When Rey woke, because apparently she had fallen asleep at some point – _again_ , she had to stop doing that, Ben was looking down at her. It would seem, they had shifted at some point and now Rey was laying on the bed with her head resting on Ben's chest. He was just watching her, his eyes soft in the dark light. She shot up into a sitting position.

"I'm sorry," She muttered. Ben quirked an eyebrow at her. "I tried to stay awake."

"It's fine." He said blankly.

"How did you sleep?" The corner of Ben's mouth curled up into something that was almost, very nearly a smile.

"Better than I have in a long time." He sighed and then he looked away from her. "Thank you." He added softly. "I think we're safe, I mean, I think that my barriers held."

"That's good," Rey said as she stood and stretched out her arms. Her whole body had grown stiff after sharing an uncomfortable cot with Ben for several hours. "Obviously, that's very good, and I'm glad that you slept well too. We should get going."

Rey saw two neatly folded piles of clothes sitting at the edge of the bed to her right. She picked up the pile that she assumed was for her and handed Ben the other pile who took it, a curious expression on his face.

"Your mother arranged these for us, apparently. I'll go find another room to change in and meet you in the hall."

The clothes Leia picked for Rey did fit well enough, but they weren't what she was used to. Even as a member of the Resistance, Rey had preferred loose, breathable clothes, much like what she had worn on Jakku. She had been provided this time with pretty basic resistance garb, a plain, light-colored, long-sleeved shirt, a tan vest covered in pockets and brown trousers. Rey wasn't exactly happy, but it would do for now. She was eager to wash her clothes from Jakku.

Rey clipped her utility belt around her hips and panicked for a moment. Her lightsaber – it was gone. Except, she remembered a moment later, that it was not. She had not gotten it yet. Luke's old lightsaber was still tucked away in a dusty box under Maz Kanata's palace. She sighed, frustrated.

Rey stepped out in the hall to find Ben already waiting. He wore a dark-blue jacket over an off-white shirt, that seemed almost a bit tight, and brown trousers, similar to the ones she had been given. Rey clapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from laughing. Ben shot her an incredulous look.

"What?" He asked, indignantly.

"I've just never seen you in anything but black." She said, choking back another laugh. She did not find his look humorous, in fact, he looked quite nice. It was just, in this outfit, he looked the spitting image of his father aged down thirty-so years.

"Yeah, well, I prefer black." Ben muttered, rolling his eyes.

"I don't know, I think this suits you." Rey said without thinking. She instantly felt some heat rise in her cheeks.

"Good to know," Ben said, looking down the hall behind him. "We should probably get going though. I imagine they'll be leaving soon."

"Oh, speaking of," Rey started, her hand pawing absentmindedly at where her lightsaber _should_ have been. "We'll need to make a pit-stop before heading to Starkiller, if possible. I need to get my lightsaber."

* * *

Ben and Rey entered the main complex of the base just as group of Resistance fighters, _or perhaps the entire Resistance_ , Ben thought with an internal shudder, were being briefed on the mission to destroy Starkiller Base. Ben listened halfheartedly. He, Rey and a few insurgents would enter the Base, all of them armed with explosives. Han had offered to fly the group in, he knew how to get past the shields, though he had warned Ben's mother that she would not like how he did it, but Ben had refused. He would not let his father anywhere near that base. Ben knew the clearance codes anyway, if they took a stolen First Order cargo ship – how the Resistance had gotten ahold of one of these, Ben had no idea – they could slip in unnoticed.

Inside, they would deactivate the shields and give the go-ahead to the pilots to start their runs at the base. Ben and Rey's group would also place explosive strategically around the base, just as his father had been doing before… No, Ben would not follow that train of thought, not right now.

Once the shields were down, Ben and Rey would head down to the thermal oscillator. The weapon was charged and fired, of course, from the command center, but there was a manual bypass on the oscillator in case of emergencies. The bypass was used to shut the process down, but after studying the plans and schematics Ben had provided, Rey and the two mechanics that would accompany them, were confident that they could reverse the bypass, turning the weapon on.

Many were nervous about this particular part of the plan, what if the weapon fired before the X-Wings landed the killing shot? It would end in catastrophe. One of the generals, a man Ben did not recognize and whose name he did not remember, explained that it was really the only way. Ben had agreed. Hitting the weapon when it was fully charged and exploiting the weakness of the Base was the only way to destroy it. And either way, the weapon was not fully operational. If Ben remembered correctly, they had tried powering it up, a test run, about a week ago, and the thing early blew itself apart.

"He's right," Ben said, breaking his silence. All eyes in the room turned to him, the First Order defector. Some narrowed their eyes while some, surprisingly, watched him with the same amount of respect they had given the generals. "It's really the only way. The weapon needs to be charged, otherwise, good luck blowing up a planet with a few X-Wings."

Ben's comment earned him a glare from the pilot, Dameron. It was clear that the man did not like or trust Ben. When it was announced to the group gathered that Ben had been a high-ranking official within the First Order before deserting and bringing this information to them, Dameron had been one of the few to call out their distrust of Ben's loyalty. Ben did not particularly care one way or the other what Dameron thought of him. It was clear that the pilot was cocky, arrogant and overconfident in his abilities.

There had been a bit of an uproar when Rey had explained that they would need to stop on Takodana beforehand. A few had even turned around to throw insults at Ben when he explained how it was imperative that Rey had her weapon if they wanted this mission to be successful. Most everyone calmed down when Ben's mother stepped in, though a few still grumbled complaints to themselves. Dameron seemed the most agitated.

"What do you need a lightsaber for, anyway?" Dameron asked indignantly, his arms crossed in front of his chest, staring daggers at Rey whom he seemed to dislike out of her association with Ben alone. He wore a dark red and brown leather jacket. Ben recognized it vaguely, perhaps Dameron had been wearing it when Ben had interrogated him? "What are you, a Jedi?" He smirked. Ben looked at Rey who was silent for a moment.

"Yes, I am." She answered finally, her voice brimming with a sureness, a confidence that Ben envied. Dameron laughed.

"That's not possible," The pilot shook his head, a humorless laugh escaping him. "Luke Skywalker is the last Jedi, that's why we're trying to find him. I grew up on Yavin IV, sister. Luke's temple burned down, everyone died."

Ben flinched as the memories flooded back. Luke's lightsaber above his head, the hut crashing down around them, the freak storm, the fire spreading – he hadn't wanted any of that, but he couldn't save them. Voe, she had called him a murderer. She wasn't wrong, Ben supposed. If Rey responded, Ben was too lost in is own mind to hear her, he only snapped out of it when Dameron turned his attention to Ben directly.

"What about you, First Order? You a Jedi too?" Dameron smirked his eyes darting to the hilt attached to Ben's hip. Ben had half a mind to deck the pilot here and now, but he held back.

"Nope," Ben said, one corner of his mouth quirked up. "Just a guy with a lightsaber." Dameron did not like that response, Ben could tell, and satisfaction swelled in his chest. Rey looked up at Ben and rolled her eyes. He just chuckled back at her.

Rey saw the Jedi as ideals, paragons of good and justice – perhaps some were, but Ben wasn't as sure. He had once told her that it was time for old thing to die, the Sith _and_ the Jedi. Those two, outdated, overly strict religions had caused the galaxy enough heartache to last until the end of time, Ben thought. Some of Ben's opinions had changed, of course. When he had said that originally, he had intended for the two of them to rule through the darkside of the force. Ben had returned to the light, but he did not consider himself to be a Jedi, and he doubted that he ever would. Maybe part of him felt that he was not worthy of the title.

"Alright," Leia Organa's commanding voice echoed through the room. She clapped her hands once and the crowd went silent. "I think we've wasted enough time here, let's get moving."

The Resistance members, aggravated but compliant, stood and began shuffling towards either the cargo ship or their own X-Wings.

Tearing away from Rey for just a moment, Ben approached his mother who looked up at him like she still could not believe he was here.

"I can't imagine the First Order knows the location of this base currently, however, I would prepare an evacuation anyway. Once the destroyers get here it's too late, did you see the information on hyperspace tracking?" Ben was staring to feel the anxiety now, he wasn't used to this – feeling nervous before a battle.

"I did. We're looking into ways around that, but you're right." Leia smiled warmly at her son. "Ben, do you have any idea how incredible the information you've provided will be? How many people you'll have saved?"

 _People I've already destroyed once_ , Ben thought painfully. It didn't feel like he was saving anyone, maybe sparing them, but that was a different thing entirely.

"Be careful, please." His mother said, placing a hand softly on his sleeve. Ben hand no words. He nodded and turned to find Rey.

Rey was waiting for him outside of the bunker, chatting with one of the Resistance fighters that would be in their squadron. The fighter, casting a nervous look at the former First Order officer, waved Rey a quick goodbye before scurrying off to the ship. Ben saw a small orange and white BB droid rolling towards the X-Wings, keeping close to Dameron's heels. He pointed a finger at it and leaned down close to Rey.

"Its that the droid?" He asked, his voice low so that only she could hear him. Rey just shook her head. "I finally found it; I feel fulfilled." Rey laughed at that and elbowed him in the side.

"Ouch!" He said with a laugh, drawing away from her, though it hadn't hurt at all.

"Is that what we're doing," Rey started, trying to look serious and failing. "We're joking about it all now? Glad to get the memo."

"Hey," Ben shot back. "If you can make jokes about my wardrobe and my ship," he started counting out each offense on his fingers. "I think it's only fair that I get to crack a few jokes myself."

They were both laughing now as they climbed into the cargo ship and the pilot ran through the launch sequence. Ben could not remember the last time he had just had _fun_ with someone. It felt great. He smiled despite himself.

"Just a guy with a lightsaber?" Rey whispered in his direction, shaking her head in amused disbelief. "Where did you come up with that one?"

"That's what I am." Ben whispered back, shrugging his shoulders. Rey exhaled a laugh.

"I suppose. Poe is furious with us." She sighed.

"I'm unconcerned with what Dameron thinks of me." Ben said, as the ship took of and headed towards the atmosphere.

"I know." Rey said, rolling her eyes. "Poe can be – difficult, for sure, but he is kind. He's a good man."

Ben bristled at that. He wondered how Rey would describe him. He knew that the words 'good man' could not be used for Ben Solo. 'Pretty alright, considering,' was probably the best he could get. Ben could feel his face fall. Rey must have noticed the change in him as she looked up curiously, Ben did not meet her eyes, pretending to be focused on the pilot. She placed a gentle hand on his arm. He was blown away by how much it comforted him. He sighed and allowed himself to relax some.

Luckily, Takodana was more-or-less on the way to Illum and it did not take all too long to arrive. It would have taken less time had the pilot not transitioned so inefficiently between hyperspace lanes. During transit, Ben had mapped out at least 3 quicker routes to Takodana and _none_ of them included taking Hydian Way to the Gamor Run, but Ben held his tongue. He knew that his companions were already upset about the delay, there was no need to upset them further.

"Keep the ship running," Rey said, already halfway down the ramp as soon as they landed. "It will really only take a minute."

"I'll come with you," Ben offered, not excited about being trapped in a transport full of Resistance soldiers, even if he was fighting with them now. Rey nodded in agreement and he followed her silently.

Maz's palace was as bustling with activity as always, the air was filled with music, shouting and various flavors of smoke. It was Ben's least favorite kind of place. It was an exact replica of every seedy cantina and back-ally bar Ben's father had ever taken him to. Ben disliked being surrounded by so many people, he always felt as though he were being watched.

They were approached by a short, orange alien who eyed them suspiciously behind huge lenses that were either goggles or glasses, or perhaps they were both. Her clothes were simple and most likely hand made, and many metal bracelets clattered together as she rested her hands on her hips.

"Maz," Rey said in greeting. Maz Kanata narrowed her eyes appraisingly. Ben recognized the look, the smuggler's gaze. Maz was sizing them up, were they threats, easy marks, unlikely allies? _Not threats_ , Ben thought as he noticed Maz's shoulders relax.

"You know me," Maz said, her attention on Rey. "I don't know you." Rey shook her head in response. "You're here for something."

"We are," Rey agreed. "Luke Skywalkers lightsaber. I can't explain why but I need it. I can feel it, below the palace, it's calling to me." Ben's eyes flicked to Rey. She could feel it? He would think she was making up some excuse to take it if he didn't know Rey better, she was a terrible actress, she was too honest.

"I do know you." Maz said, pointing to Ben. "You were this big the last time I saw you," Maz raised her hand only just slightly over her own head. "Hiding behind your father's legs, Ben Solo."

Maz smiled and turned. She waved a hand indicating Rey and Ben to follow her, which they did. Maz lead them down a spiral staircase into the depths of the palace. A short dimly lit corridor with a single locked door waiting at the end. Ben could feel it now, the air vibrated around them with energy, a familiar presence surrounded him, one that he could not place. He turned to say something to Rey but shut his mouth when he saw her.

Rey's face was blank, her lips parted slightly, her gaze far off in the distance. It looked to Ben as if Rey were somewhere else, as if she were in a daze. Ben's pace slowed and Maz stopped as Rey reached out to the door at the end of the hall. The lock popped open and fell to the stone floor with a loud clang.

The room beyond was filled to the brim with boxes and artifacts, all covered with a thick layer of dust. A small, plain wooden box stood out to Ben, it was the box Rey approached. Inside was Anakin Skywalker's lightsaber, the lightsaber that Luke had taken up during the Galactic Civil War, the lightsaber that had chosen Rey in the snow on Starkiller Base. Rey reached for it tentatively. When she touched it, the energy in the room changed, it became dark and electric.

Rey whirled around and screamed at seemingly nothing, her arm extended, reaching out to no one. She fell to the ground, throwing her arms in front of her face protectively.

"No," She cried. The fear and pain in her voice tore at something in Ben.

"Rey," Ben breathed, taking a step towards her. A small hand reached out and stopped him. Maz said nothing, just shook her head slowly. Ben's lip trembled. Rey was afraid, in pain. He had to help her.

Rey sat up and her gaze turned to something in the distance beyond Ben. He turned his head, but all he saw was an empty hallway. Rey's face grew softer, sadder, tears formed in her eyes. Her hand reached for her chest and grasped at the fabric there, twisting it between her fingers. Slowly, a smile spread across her face, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. Ben knelt beside her and reached out a hand but hesitated. Rey's smile fell, she grasped at the empty stone floor in front of her.

"No, no, no," She whispered, tears falling fast and hard now. The lightsaber fell from her hand, clattering against the stone.

Rey's face whipped up to Ben, she was back. Her eyes glowed with sorrow and something else Ben couldn't quite place. Without a word, Rey wrapped her arms around Ben's neck, she buried her face in his shoulder and wept, her back heaving with heavy sobs. Ben was shocked still at first, unsure of what to do, how to handle this. He delicately placed his arms around her and held her close, let her cry. They stayed like that for some time, neither speaking. After some time, Rey pulled back, using the cuff of her sleeve to wipe her face.

"We should get going." She said, her voice raw and hoarse.

Ben nodded in agreement and helped Rey up onto her feet. He thought to ask her what had happened, what she saw, but thought better of it. It wasn't his place to ask. Ben stomach dropped remembering how disastrously it had gone the last time he and Rey had talked about their visions.

Rey approached Maz and held the lightsaber hit out in front of her in both hands. Rey said nothing, her breathing still heavy and ragged, she sniffled once or twice. Lifted the goggles from her face and placed one hand on the lightsaber hilt. A ray of light fell through a crack in the ceiling and landed on their hands.

"This lightsaber, it belongs to you." Maz said, her voice soft, her words chosen carefully. "I think that it has for a long time. Take it." She pulled her hand away and Rey attached the saber to her belt. "I can sense that you are afraid." Ben saw Rey stiffen; her hand frozen at her side. "I am not a Jedi, but I do know the force. Do not let fear guide you. Do not fear the future, it is what we make it. Destiny is a path you choose."

Maz stepped aside to allow Ben and Rey to pass. They entered the transport silently. No one said a thing, even though Rey and Ben had been gone far longer than a minute. The ship rose and entered the black in a tense quiet. A few nervous faces flicked their attention to Rey but just as quickly turned away.

"Ground team in the air." The pilot said, communicator pressed to his lips.

" _Finally,_ " Crackled the irritated voice of Poe Dameron. " _What is your ETA?_ "

"Are you alright?" Ben turned to Rey, his voice softer than he thought possible. She still looked incredibly shaken, her bottom lip trembled, and her cheeks glistened in the cargo ship's lights with fresh tears. She said nothing, just looked back at Ben with large watery eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah! I had a good time writing this chapter. Leia is one of my favorite characters in Star Wars in general, so more of her is always welcome, but I loved that she became Rey's master in TROS and I really wanted them to have a bit of a one-on-one even if Leia doesn't remember it. 😢 Rey's got her lightsaber, baby! We're ready to get into the action in the next chapter, it's sure to be exciting! Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed this one! 💕


	5. Attack on Starkiller

Images flashed before Rey's eyes, Ben, his body frozen and floating in the air, his own lightsaber pointed towards his chest, making to strike his heart. The surroundings were familiar, red walls and shiny black floors. Red-clad guards lined the room.

A familiar place, huge and cavernous, statues towered around her. The air tinged with an oppressive darkness that seeped into every pore, crevasse and crack it could find. White-blue lightning cracked across the room accompanied by a horrible, ragged sound too perverse to truly be called laughter. A flash of green and a flash of blue, a lightsaber Rey did not recognize clattered to the ground.

A masked man dressed all in black, his hand extended in supplication " _Join me,_ " he said, his voice deep and rich and heavily distorted. Though the scene was familiar, it was not Kylo Ren and his words were not meant for Rey.

The vision that had haunted her though, the one that broke her was all too familiar. It was Rey, cold and limp on a stone floor, washed in blue light. Ben was there too, broken and limping, but alive. He cradled Rey's body in his arms, tears swimming in his eyes. He held her close for a moment before setting a hand gently on her stomach. He breathed life back into her and she rose. Ben looked at her like she was the most precious thing, the only thing in the world that mattered, and she had kissed him. Ben smiled, but it only lasted a moment.

Even though Rey was only watching, she could feel Ben grow cold in her hands, she felt the life leave his body as he fell. Her heart too numb to be broken, she watched in stunned silence as he faded away to nothing. Rey had screamed, clawed at the floor, at the dark swath of clothing he had left behind. She felt the bond sever; it was more painful than anything she could have imagined. She had felt broken, truly lost and empty. Like a piece of her soul had been ripped away.

"Rey," A soft voice ripped Rey back from the void. Rey looked up at Ben, alive and well, his eyes swimming with concern. "We're here."

Rey turned to look out of the view port. Starkiller Base rose before her. She looked in disgust at what the Empire and the First Order had wrought on the planet once sacred to the Jedi Order. A deep, wide crevasse carved along the equator of the planet; a horrible weapon capable to wiping out an entire system shoved down the center of it. Rey's stomach suddenly seized with fear at the thought of returning here.

" _Please state your identification and purpose."_ The ship's communicator buzzed.

Ben jumped up and grabbed the comm roughly, Rey worried that he would rip it from the ship's terminal.

"Cargo Ship DE - 7538, requesting permission to land for drop-off and delivery. Clearance code Aurek Dorn 974." Ben said in an affected accent. Rey quirked an eyebrow at him and he shrugged in response looking almost embarrassed.

" _That code is out of date._ " The voice on the other end, obviously a First Order officer replied, her tone neutral.

"I – It is?" Ben replied, his eyes going wide, his voice strained with an obvious attempt to not sound rattled. He shook his head, his mouth silently forming the words _of course it is._ "I haven't received any new communique."

" _Yeah,_ " The voice on the other end laughed, their neutrality breaking. " _They changed all of the codes yesterday. I know, it's completely off schedule. Something big must have happened, everyone was panicking. Of course, no one tells us anything_ "

"Oh. I think our lines went down sometime yesterday, some freak malfunction." Ben said, a smile playing on the corner of his lips.

" _I bet._ " The voice responded, her tone playful. _"Listen, I'll give you clearance but just be sure to keep your comm lines open in the future. You know how top brass is, and security will only get tighter once we're operational."_

"Thanks," Ben responded, the relief obvious on his face. "We'll be sure to."

Ben plopped back down next to Rey with a relieved sigh as the cargo ship began it's descent onto the planet's surface. Ben shook his head once, his dark hair tumbling over his eyes and then set his shoulders as if steeling himself. He unclipped his lightsaber from his belt, thumbing the ignition without turning it on. He looked to Rey, his eyes asking if she was ready. Rey nodded, grasping her own lightsaber. Suddenly, she remembered something she had been meaning to ask.

"Ben," Rey hissed, her tone frantic. "Finn, do you have any idea where Finn is, do you think he's here?" Ben furrowed his brows and shook his head.

"Finn?" He asked. Of course, he didn't know who Rey was talking about.

"My friend, the stormtrooper." Ben's eyes lit up in recognition and then he glowered at her.

"FN-2187?" He asked, his nose scrunched up. "No, I have no idea where he is." He turned away as Rey's heart sank and then sighed. "I doubt he's here. I don't know where he is but the squadron that accompanied me to Tuanul," Ben's voice lowered further. "They were a newer one, it was their first mission. He's probably still in training, he wouldn't be here."

Rey tried to grasp at relief in that revelation, but she found none. She still had no idea where Finn was, even if he wasn't here. She sighed, shaking her head to clear her mind.

"Okay," She said, not meeting Ben's eyes. "Okay, thank you."

The ship landed with a shudder and Rey's heart jumped into her throat. The Resistance soldiers lined the walls along the ramp entrance. Ben pounded a fist against a large red button on the wall and the ship's ramp lowered with a hiss. The group waited in silence.

Two stormtroopers armed with blaster rifles entered the ship. Ben's lightsaber flashed to life, casting a flickering red glow over the interior of the ship. " _What the…"_ one of the troopers managed to say before Ben struck both of them down with one swipe of his blade. Rey looked up at Ben as she ignited her own lightsaber, his eyes were dark and focused. He nodded down to the planet's surface.

Luckily, they had landed at a relatively unpopulated outside landing platform. Certainly, Ben had chosen this one for that specific reason. There were a few more troopers nearby, two of them flew back into the snow hard at a flick of Ben's wrist. Rey deflected blaster fire easily, sending the bolts back at their attackers.

"Ground team headed towards shield control now." Ben said, raising his comm to his mouth. "Let's go," He gestured the group forward.

Ben took the lead, knowing the terrain best it was an obvious choice, Rey covered the rear. Rey noticed a couple of fighters casting nervous glances at Ben's unstable red lightsaber. She wondered how well known Kylo Ren was at this point in time. _She_ had never heard of him in the time before, but she was trapped on a nowhere planet with no access to communication with the outside world save for the rare trader or explorer.

They entered a sleek, shiny hallway, the walls, ceiling and floor all matching, spotless black. It looked the same as every other First Order hallway to Rey, but Ben knew where he was. After ensuring the area was secure with a quick probe of the force, Ben nodded them forward and to the left.

After a few hallways and staircases that proved too easy to navigate, they found themselves in a four-way intersection with teams of stormtroopers coming at them from every direction but behind. The Resistance fighters fell back into doorways and behind whatever cover they could find.

Rey and Ben took the lead, both blocking and reflecting shots expertly as they advanced slowly on the troopers. Every once in a while, Ben would raise his off hand and a few troopers would fly up, paralyzed by the force, making them much easier targets for the Resistance marksmen and women.

Rey could sense confusion rolling off of the troopers, more than once she heard one shout a question to his comrades, while Rey could not hear much over the blaster fire, she did hear the name _Kylo Ren_ several times. They knew, of course the First Order troopers would know, especially those stationed on Starkiller. With a sinking feeling, Rey realized it was only a matter of time before the Resistance knew as well.

A scream from behind her shocked Rey enough to twist her head and look back, one of her squadron laid dead on the ground, the hole in his chest still smoking from the heat of the baster bolt that hit him. Another fighter tried to rush to him, but the person next to her held her back. Rey felt a hot wave of shame for not knowing any of their names.

Momentarily distracted, Rey did not see, nor did she sense the red-hot bolt of plasma headed straight for her. Ben reached over to her, one hand around her waist, he pulled her into himself, but she stumbled, falling to the ground behind him. Ben let out an animalistic grunt as a bolt of blaster fire grazed his arm, singeing his jacket sleeve and leaving a red-black mark of charred flesh in its wake.

Ben turned around and roared. With a violent twist of his arm, the remaining troopers flew to the end of the hall where they crumbled to the ground, lifeless.

"Ben!" Rey exclaimed, rushing over to him. He looked at her, his eyes full of fire and passion. Rey took a step back. He shook his head, his sweat-soaked hair flying into his eyes, his face softening as he breathed hard.

"Let's go." He breathed, low and rough.

They placed explosions as they went. Small beeping discs that lined the wall and marked their exit.

When they reached the shield bay, Ben burst through the door. There were only two officers manning the shields and both of them turned towards the commotion, their eyes wide with fear and confusion.

"…Sir?" The older of the two asked before gripping his head and screaming in pain. Rey looked over to Ben who had one hand extended, his eyes cool and calm, his mouth set into a tight line.

The officer fell to the floor, seemingly unconscious, the younger officer slumped over in her chair not long after. Ben stormed to the console and punched in a sequence of codes before raising the comm to his lips.

"Shields are down, you are good to go, Black Leader."

Poe's voice on the other end laughed.

" _You did it, First Order, I'm impressed. Let me know when you're planning on blowing those charges. You've got air support._ "

Ben rolled his eyes at that, but said nothing. He then raised his lightsaber and destroyed the console entirely, reducing the machine to a twisted piece of molten metal. Rey eyed him, her brows furrowed and confused.

"What?" He asked with the shrug of one shoulder. "Now they can't fix it. Rey just sighed.

"We should go, we need to get to the oscillator, we can plant some more explosives along the way, but then we've got to get out of here." Ben said, mostly addressing Rey.

"Would they have information on where different stormtroopers are stationed, where they would be training, things like that?" Rey asked, hearing the desperation in her own voice.

"Not here," Ben shook his head. He looked at her, his eyes pleading. "Rey, we don't have time for that now. I'll help you find your friend, I promise, but we have to go."

"I know," Rey said, refocusing herself. Starkiller was about to blow. Ben was right, but her heart ached. When was the next time she would be in a First Order base, so close to that kind of information – the information that could help her rescue Finn?

Ben placed a hand on Rey's shoulder and offered her a gentle, reassuring nod before leading the group from the room and down another sterile, black hallway. Rey was glad that Ben was here to guide them, she remembered how easily she had gotten lost the last time.

Ben led them to a room that Rey knew all too well. A tall, wide cylindrical room lined and crisscrossed with metal catwalks which led all the way down to the oscillator. Ben said something to the fighters about placing explosives on the support beams, but Rey wasn't listening.

She walked to the edge of the catwalk, clutching the railing for support, her knuckles white. She stared down at one of he paths that bisected the room, the air below it falling off into deep nothing. Had this been the place? She could see it playing out like a vision in front of her eyes. Father and son, the light outside quickly fading, bathing them in darkness. A flash of red and a shooting pain Rey could not understand.

Rey glanced over her shoulder to see Ben watching her, his shoulders tense, a muscle working in his jaw. He turned his attention to the same pathway that had caught hers. His eyes were cold, he looked lost, his mouth twitched. Rey tore herself from the railing and walked over to him, grabbing the sleeve of his jacket.

"Come on," She said firmly. She knew that if he stayed here, he would allow himself to spiral, she would have too. They had to save each other.

Ben snapped out of it, but the expression on his face did not change.

"Rey and the two mechanics come with me. Everyone else, keep planting those explosives. If we don't blow this place open, the flyers won't be able to get down to that oscillator." Ben called out to the group, half of whom were already halfway across the cylinder from where he and Rey stood.

Luckily, the X-Wings attacking above provided enough of a distraction that they ran into no more interference as they placed their remaining charges and headed down to the thermal oscillator. Only a few maintenance workers were present this deep in the base's core, Rey subdued them nonviolently. It had felt like the right thing to do at the time even though, as Ben pointed out, they would die when the planet exploded anyway.

Rey, Tia and Daro – the two Resistance fighters/ mechanics that had joined their team – got to work instantly on bypassing the manual override. It was actually quite a simple procedure, made all the more easy by having studied the blue-prints Ben had provided. Rey was still in shock over that, by how much he had brought to the Resistance, how much he had helped the cause. Rey had known that he was on their side now, her side at the very least, but she hadn't realized how much he was willing to help, how much he was willing to give.

The machine hummed to life slowly as the manual override kicked the weapon's power on and it slowly began to glow red with energy and raw, dark power. Daro, being particularly clever, was able to set the machine to only be able to be shut off through the manual override to ensure no interference from the command center

"Are we good to go?" Ben shouted from the doorway. A group of stormtroopers were approaching from the opposite end of the hall in front of them, but Ben dispatched them quickly.

Back at the top of the cylindrical room they met back up with the other members of their party who informed them that all of the charges were set and ready to go. They quickly made their way back to the ship.

The light outside was fading quickly. Rey's eyes turned skyward to see very essence of the sun above her being sucked into the planet below her feet. It was an awe inspiring and terrible sight. The ground trembled from the very act of it, or perhaps that was just Rey shaking. Ben, seemingly reading Rey's mind hung back.

"Don't worry, this is all part of the plan, right?" He said, snow falling into his dark hair and eyelashes. Half of his face glowed red and orange from the column of fire that shot from the sun into the planet. His eyes were a different kind of fire, dark burning coals. They had been here before, in the dark, in the snow, but this time was different – everything was different. Rey smiled at him despite herself. They stood there, just staring at each other for a while before Ben grabbed her hand and lead her back into their transport.

* * *

"Setting the charge now." Ben spoke in to the comm pressed to his lips. TIEs and X-Wings screamed above them as the cargo ship's pilot frantically ran through the launch sequence. Without being prompted, Ben threw himself into the copilot's seat. They would have the enemy on their tail this time, and luckily this rig had been modified with deflector shields, probably after it had been stolen by the Resistance. The pilot acknowledged Ben with a quick, thankful nod before continuing.

Ben pressed the button on the small ignition switch he had been keeping in his pocket. Everything seemed too quiet for a moment, before the planet shuddered around them.

" _Whooooo!_ " Dameron's celebrative call crackled from the other side of the comm. " _Good job, ground team. We'll take it from here."_

As the cargo ship took off, they were pursued by two TIE fighters. Unfortunately, there were no guns equipped on this ship, so they just had to hit hyperspace as soon as possible.

"Burn sky until we see lines," Ben shouted, though the voice he heard was his father's. Ben concentrated on the two enemy craft, using the force to slam one into the other. Both ships hit the ground in a fiery explosion. The pilot cheered, fists wildly punching the air, as the stars blurred into white-blue lines in the front viewport. Ben smiled despite himself.

Ben stood and turned; Rey was talking with four of the fighters that had joined them. They seemed relived but also sad. Some laughed, some cried, one of them was doing both while Rey rested a hand on her shoulder. Ben remembered that one of their crew had died. He screwed up his face, wondering if he should join them, what he would say. Instead, he took his seat awkwardly and sat silently, staring at his hands.

He thought back to the room on Starkiller. He'd known that they would go there, he'd tried to prepare himself to be back in that space, but it had still hurt. What had hurt more was something he hadn't anticipated – Rey's reaction.

She had looked like she was about to collapse, like she was watching it happen all over again. He had known that Rey had felt close to his father, he had seen it. So few people in her life had been kind to her in the way that Han Solo had been that she had come to truly admire him in the short time since he had found her. She had imagined that Han was her father, or what she would have wanted a father to be like.

It broke something in Ben to see her nearly doubled over in pain at the memory. He saw how she must have seen him then, how she must now see him. She had called him a monster and she had called Poe Dameron a 'good man,' a sad, shriveled part of Ben told him both were true.

"His name was Marcus," Rey said, sitting down next to Ben, pulling from his spiral.

"Hmm?" Ben turned to look at her, brows furrowed in confusion. Her eyes were red-rimmed, but she didn't look sad.

"The man that died. His name was Marcus." She said with a tearful smile. "Tia was his sister," Rey gestured to one of the fighters who was now openly sobbing into the chest of another.

Ben didn't know what to say. He though for a moment to say that they were at war and this is what happened in war – people died. Thankfully, he was not a _complete_ idiot and knew not to say that, even if it was true. To be completely honest, Ben had not thought much of people dying. He had not actually _known_ may people that had died in battle and the ones he did know had usually died because of him. The thought sent a sharp spark of pain through his stomach.

"Oh," Was all Ben could manage.

The rest of the flight the fighters and Rey passed around stories of loved ones lost. They laughed and they cried. Tia shared the story of how she and her family had found the resistance. They had been part of a mining colony in the Unknown Regions that had been taken over by the First Order. When her mother learned that she was expecting their younger sibling, Kai, they had known it was time to get out. A Resistance member had organized for their family and a few others to be smuggled out into the Outer Rim, but things had gone wrong. The First Order had attacked, and their father had died. When Resistance support arrived, Marcus had offered to join up right away.

Ben stayed quiet, he figured that stories of sieges and slaughtered villages and burning temples would not fit well with the bittersweet mood in the air.

Ben's stomach turned over and over again all through the flight. They had received no communication on whether or not the mission had been a success, but he knew that they wouldn't until they dropped out of hyperspace. He tried to remind himself of that, tried to reassure himself that everything had to have gone well, but his nerves were shot.

When they landed back at the Resistance base it was raining and the sun was setting. They received no messages when they dropped out of lightspeed and into realspace over D'qar which either meant that the X-Wing battalion was still on their way back or the worst had happened. Either or, no big deal really.

They descended the ramp to cheers. A crowd of people swamped the cargo plane, throwing hugs and back pats around to the conquering heroes. Realization hit like the rain falling from the sky above and something inside of Ben soared. They had done it; they had really done it. Ben had led many successful campaigns in his life, but he had never felt like this afterwards.

"We did it!" Rey looked up at him, her hazel eyes glowing. The way she said it was half like a question and half a celebration. Ben could only think to nod back at her.

Rey reached up, threw her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. It took Ben a long moment to realize what was happening before it sank in. He put one hand on the back of her head and one on her lower back and pulled her closer.

Ben had kissed Rey once before, but this time was so much better. The last time they were both sore and broken. Ben had kissed her like a dying man, like it was the last thing he would ever do because, well, it was. He was _very_ glad he was not dying now.

The heavy rain fell around them, soaking them to the bone, but Ben could hardly feel it. He could only feel Rey and the warmth that spread through him like a rising sun.

Rey pulled away from him, all too soon in Ben's opinion, and smiled up at him. She was crying again, but they were happy tears that disappeared into the raindrops that fell on her face. Her cheeks had taken on a light-pink blush and he desperately wanted to pull her in for another kiss but was afraid of being greedy. Ben had convinced himself that he was lucky enough to get one kiss from her, two was more than he ever deserved.

Rey pulled Ben close again, burying her face in his, now sodden, shirt. "We did it." She mumbled against him. The crowd cheered around them yet again as the X-Wings descended, but Ben could hardly hear them over the rushing in his ears.

Ben was pulled from his bliss by a strong hand clapping him hard on the back. He pulled away from Rey and swirled around to see Dameron, a huge smile pasted on his face and dripping wet from the rain.

"I can't believe it, can you believe it?" Dameron said to Rey and then turned his attention to Ben. "Good job, First Order. We really did it, buddy." The pilot laughed and threw his arms around both Ben and Rey. Ben, no idea what to do, kept his arms straight at his side. "Just a guy with a lightsaber, look at you." Dameron winked and playfully punched at Ben's chest without making real contact before turning and waving at someone in the crowd.

"Vix!" Dameron yelled, throwing his hand up into the air. "That was some fancy flying – you madwoman!"

"What," Ben began blankly, turning to Rey. "Was that?" Rey closed her eyes and laughed.

"I think you've made a friend, Ben." She playfully elbowed him in the side and Ben wondered when people would stop pretending to hit him.

"I thought he hated me." Ben said, shaking his head.

"That's Poe." Rey laughed again. As confused as he was, it was worth it to hear her laugh.

Ben and Rey parted ways to change into dry clothes after the celebration had died down some, but she had agreed to meet him back up in the mess hall. Unfortunately, there wasn't much choice clothing-wise in Ben's size, though he did manage to snag a light-grey shirt, a dark grey vest, and black pants. Looking at the clothing, Ben knew that he would never want for pockets again.

He grabbed a metal tray piled high with nearly inedible looking beige colored 'food', if it could be called that. 'Slop' is the word Ben would have used. He found Rey sitting alone at a table, poking curiously at the pile on her tray. He was glad to see that she had managed to find clothes that were a bit looser, which he knew she preferred. She had even managed to find some fabric to fashion the crossbody sash he had come to associate her with. The colors were new though, the shirt was a dusty green and her calf-length pants tan, which matched her arm wraps, but the fabric that crossed her body loosely was a dark grey. She smiled when she saw him and waved him over.

"Looks good, doesn't it?" Rey laughed as Ben sat down his tray across from her.

"It looks inedible." He said dryly.

"It almost makes me miss the portions on Jakku – almost." She laughed again. "The texture is worse but the flavor is better. Just try it. Apparently, it's fairly similar to what they feed the stormtroopers, according to Finn, at least."

Ben hummed in response and poked at the pile of 'food' on his tray. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn that it was moving on its own.

"I have no idea what stormtroopers eat." Ben said flatly. "Speaking of," he looked up at her over his nose, dropping the tone of his voice. "I have an idea of _maybe_ where your friend might be."

Rey's eyes lit up and she nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Really?" She asked in a whisper that was nearly a squeal.

"I can't say for sure." Ben said, picking up the piece of bread on his tray that felt so stale, he feared it may chip a tooth. " _But_ , the squadron that was assigned to accompany me to Tuanul – the village on Jakku – they were fresh, just out of training. Phasma told me that they had recently, very recently, suppressed a strike in Pressy's Tumble." Ben took a tentative bite of the slop. Rey was right, the texture was terrible, but he was starving. "It is possible that he could be there."

"What do you think?" Rey asked, her voice full of hope.

"Like I said, it's possible. After the attack on Starkiller, they may move everyone together to regroup, I don't know." He shrugged, spooning some slop onto the stale bread before taking a bite which did make it slightly more palatable.

"That's something," Rey said, crumbling her own bread into the slop – an interesting technique. "It's better than nothing," She paused. "And you'll go with me?" She looked up at him through her lashes.

"I promised you, didn't I?" As if he could have said no to her.

Rey beamed at him as she scooped a spoonful of her concoction into her mouth. She looked as though she were about to say something but clammed up when a tray hit the table on Ben's right. The sudden noise caused Ben to nearly jump. It was Dameron, that same cocksure grin spreading across his face.

"What are we talking about?" He asked, sitting down without being invited.

"Nothing." Ben and Rey both said at the same time. Dameron's eyebrow quirked and his smile grew devious.

"That's my favorite subject." He said, his voice low, his eyes narrowing. "What kind of nothing? Illegal nothing?" He cast suspicious eyes around the room.

"No," Rey laughed. Ben just rolled his eyes. "Nothing like that."

"It's none of your business," Ben said tonelessly without looking up from his food.

"I know that, buddy." Ben bristled at the word. "Don't worry, I won't pry." He winked at Rey and Ben hand half a mind to wrap his hand around the pilot's throat. Instead, he took in a deep breath and breathed out the bad impulse.

"Actually," Rey began, Ben eyed her in warning, but she paid him no mind. "I have a friend, he's in… trouble." She said carefully.

"Anything I could do to help?" Dameron asked. Ben found himself rolling his eyes again as he took another bite.

"You'd help us?" Rey asked, her voice bright. Ben sent a warning through the bond to _stop it, Rey_! She just shook her head subtly.

"Anything for the heroes that brought us that victory against the First Order." Dameron laughed, slapping Ben on the back for the second time about as many hours. Ben hardly noticed, something in him stirred at being called a 'hero'. "Plus," the pilot leaned in conspiratorially, "I love a good rescue mission."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo! Goodnight, Starkiller Base! Just a note, action is not really something I would consider my forte. So, I apologize if it was a bit rushed, I much prefer writing dialogue! This chapter was one of my favorites so far because of Ben and Poe's dynamic. I had no idea how much I would love the idea of them being friends (begrudgingly on Ben's part, of course), but it's my favorite thing ever. Poe's part had definitely gotten larger in this story because of how much I enjoy writing interactions between him and Ben. 
> 
> Also! First kiss (in this timeline at least, haha!) 💕💕💕
> 
> As it stands right now, this story is following the movies pretty closely in terms of plot, however, we will begin to deviate from here a bit.


	6. A Good Rescue Mission

Since their arrival on D'qar, Han and Chewie had been working painstakingly on catching up with all of the repairs and overdue maintenance the _Falcon_ had so sorely needed. It would have been an understatement to say that he had been unhappy when Ben and Rey had approached him and asked to borrow the ship for a rescue mission in First Order territory. Thankfully, Han had relented, begrudgingly. But he made Ben swear to bring the ship back in one piece, this time. Rey made a mental note to get that whole story at some point.

Ben had not been happy to find Poe in the pilot's seat when he and Rey entered the cockpit after procuring some rations for their trip from storage.

"Up. Out." Ben said, curtly. Rey merely stepped back, folding her arms across her chest. She would let the boys duke it out. Poe looked up at Ben, his eyebrows quirked, a cocky smile playing across his lips.

"I don't think so." Poe swirled his chair around so that he faced the both of them fully, his arms crossed lazily. "This is the pilot's seat, I'm a pilot. It's pretty simple stuff, buddy." Rey felt Ben bristle at the word 'buddy', as he always did. She had to bite back a laugh.

"You are not flying this ship." Ben said, his voice dripping with an unspoken threat. Poe didn't flinch, he merely leaned back, his smile growing wider. If Rey didn't know any better, she would think that Poe enjoyed pushing Ben's buttons – but who was she kidding, Poe enjoyed pressing everyone's buttons.

"I'm the best pilot in the Resistance." Poe said with a laugh, as if that were the end of the conversation.

"Maybe you were." Ben said, leaning forward slightly, the corner of his mouth twitching up in a scoundrel's grin.

Poe shot up at that accusation. He pointed a finger in Ben's face, so close it nearly touched the tip of his nose. " _You_ -" Is all he said, the rest of his words lost in some indignant rage.

All Rey could do was lean back against a wall panel and shake her head. Both of these men were at least ten years her senior and here they were, squabbling like children. She sighed.

"Boys," She said coolly. Both of them looked at her, Poe had the sense of mind to look ashamed at least, she had to give him that. Ben, on the other hand, looked at her with eyes that screamed " _what, am I wrong?"_

"This _is_ Ben's father's ship," Rey pointed out. Ben looked both annoyed and embarrassed that she would play that card, but Poe relented and allowed Ben to pilot the ship. " _Children,_ " She muttered under her breath as she exited the cockpit.

A few hours into the trip, Rey laid herself across the curved seat in the lounge and closed her eyes. She tried not to worry about Finn or any of the other things that needed to be done and absolutely needed to be worried about, and she was failing miserably. She was more than relieved when Poe, a friendly distraction, entered the lounge and sat across from her.

"So," He said, leaning closer as Rey sat up, resting his forearms on his knees. "What's the deal with you and First Order?"

"What do you mean?" Rey asked, taken aback.

"I mean, how did the two of you meet, what's his deal, what's yours? You don't seem like you were a part of -"

"No," Rey cut him off. "No, I wasn't." _Though, not from lack of trying on his part_ , Rey thought but knew better than to add.

"Then how did you and the big guy meet and wind up running away to the Resistance base?" He asked with a laugh.

"It's a long story," Rey laughed back. "We weren't friendly at first, not at all."

"But you are friends now?" Poe asked, a smile Rey didn't understand spreading across his face.

"Yes," She agreed almost indignantly. If she thought about it, 'friends' was definitely not the most accurate word for what she and Ben were, if such a word existed, she did not know it.

"You seemed like you were a little bit more than friendly last night." Poe said with a wink and suddenly Rey hated him. She could feel the blush spreading along her cheeks.

Yes, she had kissed Ben and, apparently, it hadn't been the first time - she still wasn't ready to think too long and hard about what she'd seen in her vision. She knew, somehow, that it was what had happened in the time before. What she didn't know was why she didn't remember it or why Ben hadn't said anything. Well, that second part wasn't as difficult to figure out. Ben was almost certainly as confused as she was as to the status of their current... relationship.

She cared for Ben, deeply. She had ever since they'd touched hands through the bond a lifetime ago, and it was clear that Ben cared for her as well, perhaps for even longer than she had, as confusing as that was for her. She'd wanted _so badly_ for him to go with her after the fight in the throne room on the _Supremacy_. She'd imagined him running with her, back to the Resistance, taking down the First Order, being _with_ her - whatever that had meant to her at the time. Something in her had broken when he'd chosen power over her, called her nothing, made her fight him. When she'd sensed him on Exegol, when she'd sensed that he was _Ben_ , it was like her heart had started beating again for the first time since Crait.

Still, every now and again she would be hit hard and fast with the memory of Kylo Ren and it was difficult to concede Ben's past with the man he was becoming... It was all very confusing, and she still hadn't sorted out her feelings completely, and she sure as hell wasn't about to do that with Poe Dameron. She glowered at him, but he didn't seem cowed.

"That's -"

"None of my business, I know." Poe laughed. "Don't worry, I get it. He's a handsome fella, for a First Order type." Rey's blush grew hotter under his scrutiny. "Sorry, I didn't mean to fluster you." He lied; she was sure that was exactly what he had been doing.

"So, what? He was the First Order officer; you were the damsel in distress and he left his life behind to save you?"

"No," Rey laughed softly, trying not to take offense to being called 'a damsel in distress.' Then she laughed again, harder this time, at just how very absurd the idea was. "No, that's not at all –"

"I'd say that's pretty much exactly what happened." Ben interrupted her. She looked up to find him leaning nonchalantly against the doorway to the cockpit.

"It absolutely is _not_ what happened." Rey turned to face him, arms crossed defensively across her chest.

"Oh," Ben said, his voice laden with faux shock and confusion. "Do you not remember me rushing into a certain somewhere to save you from doing a certain something. I'd say that you were in distress," Ben said with a cocky half-smile. "But I certainly wouldn't call you a damsel."

Exegol, he was talking about Exegol. Rey sighed, frustrated. That _is_ 'pretty much exactly what happened', him rushing in like some sort of dark knight to rescue her from killing and then, subsequently becoming possessed by the Emperor – not to mention him bringing her back to life, though she could not allow herself to think of that. It hurt too much still; it confused her heart too much. Instead, she doubled down on frustration.

"That is _not_ how we met though, is it? I was certainly in distress then, though, who's fault was that?" She asked with a pleased nod.

"Fair enough," Ben snorted.

Someone coughed. Both Ben and Rey turned to face Poe who looked between the two of them, more than a little entertained. Both she and Ben had completely forgotten about the Resistance pilot's presence in the room. Rey shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Ben, for his part, seemed unfazed.

"Wow," Poe said, throwing his head back in laughter. "I'll bet it _is_ a long story. You two are great, I love it." Poe stood and strode towards the cockpit. "Won't be too much longer, First Order. You gonna get back in there or do you want me to pilot this baby the rest of the way?"

"Not a chance, Dameron." Ben growled as Poe passed him through the threshold and into the cockpit.

Pressy's Tumble was, apparently, an asteroid field. It was home to a mining colony currently under First Order occupation and the workers were striking which is why Finn was down there – _maybe_ , Rey had to remind herself. He might be down there, but he could be anywhere. She could not get her hopes up. It was just… the idea that he wasn't down there was too much to bear. If he was not down there, she had little to no hope of ever finding him.

"It's just down there," Ben said, pointing out an especially large asteroid in the viewport. "I mean, it should be, I've never actually been myself."

"You mean you didn't actually visit every colony your group terrorized?" Poe asked, his tone was light to offset the harsh words.

"No, I'm sure that's hard to imagine." Ben grumbled. "And they are not _my_ group."

"Not anymore, eh buddy?" Poe said, lightly tapping Ben's shoulder with his fist. Rey watched as Ben's shoulders tensed at the contact and smiled. Rey thought that being friends with Poe would do Ben some good, if Ben didn't kill him first, that was.

"So," Poe turned his chair to face Rey who was sat in the seat just behind Ben. "Your friend is a stormtrooper? You certainly have a type." He laughed.

"He is," Rey said, ignoring Poe's second point. "He doesn't want to be. Actually… He may not seem like he recognizes me at first, it's a -"

"A long story, I get it." Poe threw his hands up in the air, palms facing Rey. "I think I'm beyond asking you questions at this point. Let's get your friend out of there, and if we can make things harder for the First Order in the process, well, that might just make my day."

Rey smiled, as difficult as Poe could be – and he was, often – he was a good friend, a good person. He really, truly cared about people. That was why she had agreed to him tagging along. She knew Ben thought it was a bad idea, and it probably was. She still wasn't sure how to explain to Finn how she knew him, let alone Poe. She would figure it out. If she had to sound crazy to the both of them, it would be worth it to save Finn.

As they drew closer to the asteroid's surface, they could see the mining operation and the town that supported it along with the First Order camp just outside of the town.

Ben landed the _Falcon_ on the ridge of a tall cliff overlooking the town. All three of them exited the ship and crept to the cliff's edge overlooking the town. They could see people gathering en-masse in the town's center, preparing for something, a last stand of sorts if Rey had to guess. In the distance, Rey could see the First Order gathering as well. A couple of AT-AT walker and several dozen ground troops looked to be headed towards the town.

"Looks like we're here right in time for the action." Poe said, holding his pair of binoculars to his face. "You all ready?".

Suddenly, Ben grabbed his head, wincing in pain. Rey grabbed his arm and he looked up at her, pain and fear flooding his eyes. With a quick shake of his head he schooled his face back into a neutral expression, but it did not calm Rey's heart.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," Ben said, one hand still gripping his head, the other reaching for his lightsaber. "Headache."

* * *

" _Did you think you could run from me?"_ The deep voice, rough like it was breaking over rocks still rang through Ben's head, his heart still raced, his hands were trembling.

"Are we going or not?" Ben asked, willing his voice to stay calm as he strode past Rey and Dameron down the rocky path towards the mining town.

Something had happened, something had shattered. His mental shields had broken, just for a split second and Snoke had wormed his way inside. Ben could not be sure how much Snoke knew at this point, he knew where they were, that was for sure. He should tell Rey, he knew that, they were all in so much danger, but he couldn't.

Ben could hear the two follow him, pebbles clattering against the asteroid's rocky surface as they approached the town. There was shouting, but not the frightened or angry screams of battle - rabble rousing, he'd heard it before, though Ben had never before been on the side of the rabble.

"… And we will stand for it no longer!" A male Rodian screamed to the crowd who cheered in response. He was stood on a pile of boxes, steadying himself on a flagpole nearby. The black and white flag of the First Order burned in his free hand.

"Are you the leader here?" Dameron asked the man who eyed him suspiciously.

"Who are you?" The Rodian asked, not answering Dameron's question.

"We're from the Resistance, we're here to help." Dameron said with a cocky smirk. The Rodian just shook his head.

"The Resistance sent three fighters?" He scoffed.

"We don't have time for this." Ben said grabbing Rey's wrist and weaving through the crowd.

"Hey, where are you going?" Dameron's voice called out from somewhere behind them, but Ben had neither the time nor the patience to explain anything to the pilot.

"Ben, what's going on?" Rey asked, ripping her arm from his grasp.

"Finding your friend, _that's_ why we're here, isn't it?" Ben asked, whirling around. He could feel how frantic he must have looked. "Come on, we need to go."

"Ben," Rey began again slowly, not moving from her spot as people bumped into her from all sides. Ben could feel her trying to meet his gaze, but he couldn't look her in the eyes. "What is going on?"

"It's Snoke – he knows where we are. He's coming." Ben sighed heavily. He wanted to scream, to lash out, to destroy something, but he couldn't. He would not allow himself to. He tried breathing deeply, but that did little to calm his nerves.

"What?" Rey breathed, her eyes going wide.

"He broke through back up on the ridge, I'm so sorry Rey, I'm -." Ben should have been stronger, should have been able to keep him out. How had he let this happen? He'd endangered the mission, endangered Rey. If he thought he could convince her to leave without her friend they would be back in hyperspace already, but he knew that there was not use.

"No," Rey said softly, placing a hand on his arm. "It's not your fault." She said, even though it was his fault, it really was. Ben shook his head but said nothing.

"Can you sense him, your friend? Is he here?" He said finally.

Rey closed her eyes and steadied her breathing. He could feel her presence in the force engulf him, swallowing him like a brilliant, inescapable light. She opened her eyes and nodded.

"He's here." She said. "But how will we tell which one he is?"

"I've got a plan and it might be terrible," Ben said, shaking his head, knowing that his plan was, in fact, definitely terrible, but he saw no other option. "But we've got to take out those AT-AT walkers first. Can you take the one on the left?"

"What if Finn is inside one of those?" Rey asked. Ben growled, it was a good question, one he hadn't considered. It would have been much easier to just smash them.

"Okay, we'll just have to be gentle then." He sighed. Rey nodded and they ran towards the edge of town. The troopers were just about within firing distance.

Ben took a deep breath and he felt Rey do the same beside him. He readjusted his feet so that they were square with his shoulders, his heels digging into the rock beneath his feet. He raised his arm and his whole body tensed as he called on the force. The AT-AT walker on the right rose slowly in the air, not much only a few inches. It was such a large, heavy object, his hand began to shake from the effort. He saw the walker on the left wobble, but not rise.

"Concentrate Rey, it's just like Pasaana, like the transport." He said, his voice strained with effort.

"Hopefully not _just_ like Pasaana." Rey grunted. Ben tried to laugh, but he could not under the strain.

"A little lightning would actually be helpful right now." Ben said as his AT-AT began to gently lower itself to the ground. It would be so much easier if he could have just let it fall.

"No, it really wouldn't." Rey said through gritted teeth. Her walker finally began to raise and lower onto its side as well.

The troopers, once they'd noticed what was happening broke ranks, ran from the huge machines that seemed to be floating and falling on top of them. Ben heard a familiar voice in the distance yelling, he knew that she would be here.

Ben and Rey, once their jobs were done stood still and shaking, their bodies exhausted and covered in a fine sheen of sweat. Ben's arm trembled as he lowered it, but there was no time to waste. As he turned to tell Rey just that a green blaster bolt flew past his shoulder. He looked back, the strikers had taken up arms, they had become a full-on revolt.

"Well, we'd better go find your friend." Ben said, igniting his lightsaber which crackled and burned with untamed power beside him. Rey nodded as she ignited her own, the blue blade flashing to life beside her. They charged into the oncoming army, screaming.

This was decidedly _not_ what Ben had in mind for this 'rescue mission'. The plan he'd been forming in his head during the trip from D'Qar to the asteroid cluster had been a much more covert operation, involving more subtlety - though, Ben would be the first to admit this was not his strong suit. He'd hoped they'd be able to sneak in and out with out detection or, at the very least, have the element of surprise on their side. Not once during his planning had he accounted for charging a squadron of stormtroopers head-on - because that was a _bad_ plan, well, really, it wasn't much of a plan at all. They didn't have the luxury of plans on their side now, not with Snoke so hot on their tails.

A good amount of the stormtroopers were still too stunned and confused to realize that they were being attacked, but some had already taken up their rifles and were returning fire. Normally, it was easy for Ben to deflect a few blaster bolts, but when he was also reaching out with the force trying desperately to find an energy signature he may or may not recognize it was quite a bit more difficult.

Ben knew very little about FN-2187. He had noticed him, his hesitation, during the siege of Tuanul. He had felt the fear rolling off of the stormtrooper but had done nothing, the feelings of one stormtrooper had been meaningless in the grand scheme of Snoke's plan – how wrong he had been. Ben had also fought him in the forest of Starkiller, though calling that a fight was being generous to be sure. Ben had been toying with the trai – trooper until, of course, FN-2187 had landed a lucky strike.

Ben reached out for the same fear he had felt on Jakku, the same resistance, the same hesitation, but, to his genuine surprise, he felt it in so many of the troopers he couldn't pin-point just one source.

"Fi – FN-2187?" Rey called out, her voice cracking with worry. Ben doubted very much any of the troopers could hear much over the sound of blaster fire.

"FN-2187!" He called out, his own voice loud and low and booming.

The troopers surrounded them now and many turned to face Ben at the sound of his voice, quiet a few of those taking steps back in confusion at the sight of his blade.

"STAND DOWN!" He ordered them, channeling his anger, channeling the piece of Kylo Ren that was still inside of him.

Many actually did, mostly out of confusion, most likely, their weapons clattering to the ground at their feet.

"FN-2187!" Ben called again. One trooper looked up and held Ben's gaze, blaster still in hand but pointed at nothing and no one. Ben knew instantly that this was the right trooper.

Ben ran to the man, roughly grabbing his wrist. The trooper tried to fight him off, the blaster in his other hand trembling terribly. With the flick of a wrist, Ben sent the blaster skidding across the rocky surface of the asteroid below them. He couldn't have FN-2187 getting any crazy ideas and getting one or both of them hurt.

"Wha - What are you doing?" FN-2187 asked, his fear no masked by the mechanical distortion of his helmet's audio processors. He saw the trooper's masked gaze shift towards Ben's lightsaber and the man began fighting in real earnest. Ben just held on tighter. He might bruise Rey's friend's wrist, but he was sure, given the situation, this would be forgivable. He continued shuffling them through the crowd of confused and frightened troopers towards the energy source he knew to be Rey.

"I found him, I found…" Ben started, but a familiar voice, one dripping with hatred and disgust called out a name he had once used.

"Ren!"

Ben called on the force and pushed the stormtrooper the rest of the way towards Rey. She helped her friend back up to his feet and made to rush over to Ben who shot out one hand in a gesture that said _stay back_. She hesitated but he ensured her through their bond hat he could handle it, he was fine, to get FN-2187 to the ship.

Golden sunlight shone violently off of Captain Phasma's signature chromium covered armor. Her stance was offensive, shoulders straight and square with her feet, command baton in both hands held diagonally across her body, black and red cape flying in the wind.

"Stand back," She motioned with one hand at the troopers behind her to back off, they did so obediently.

"I'd heard you'd turned traitor, Ren." Phasma said, her shoulders rolling as she and Ben began to circle each other. Ben pulled his lightsaber up in front of him in a defensive position. "A foolish move."

"Brave of you to fight me yourself, Captain." Ben said, quirking his lip into a half smile.

"What would you know about bravery, coward?" Phasma said, jutting the butt of her spear-like baton into the ground. "Running to hide behind your mother's skirts." Ben took a step back, but quickly righted himself. She knew, of course she knew. "Yes, I know all about your rebel scum parentage, word spreads fast, Ren." He could almost hear her smiling.

"Are you going to fight me, or did you just want to talk, Phasma?"

As soon as the words left Ben's lips, Phasma charged, screaming, her baton raised high. Ben quickly blocked her overhead strike and used his position to overpower her, driving the tip of her spear hard into the rocky ground. Before Ben could return with a strike of his own, Phasma jumped back, dodging his crossbody swipe.

It was Ben's turn to be the aggressor this time, he turned his saber around in his hand in one deft movement. He twirled, his blade held backwards, into Phasma. His reversed movements nearly tripped her up, but she blocked him and tucked the end of her blade under his foot, _literally_ tripping him up. Ben recovered easily dodging a swipe and rolling away.

"I had wondered why the Supreme Leader was coming here of all places." Phasma said. Her voice dripping with poison. "He mentioned the Jedi girl, is that her?" Ben felt something hot and angry growing in his chest at the mention of Rey. Snoke knew about her? Had he found out through Ben's own traitorous mind? His jaw set hard and the muscles under his left eye twitched as he struggled to keep the flames within him tamed. "He'll kill her, you know, and the rest of the pathetic Resistance. He's told me to leave you for himself, but I -"

Ben had had enough. He raised his off hand and Phasma rose with it. She dropped her spear, the silver baton clattered on the ground below her feet as Phasma clutched at the invisible hands wrapped around her throat. She coughed and sputtered, and Ben felt the darkness rising in him and he did nothing to fight it. His blood was hot and he reveled in the anger and hatred that coursed through him. _No one_ would harm Rey, he would do anything to ensure that. He closed his fist, Phasma fell limply to the ground, and he pushed the darkness back where it belonged, deep inside. He breathed deeply for a moment as hot shame washed over him. How could he have ever pretended that he was anything but a monster?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got Finn! Yay! I know that Ben ended this chapter in a bit of a... dark place, but you've gotta hurt to heal 😉. I feel like his journey sort of has to be more of a roller-coaster than a straight path, you know? Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed! 😊


	7. No More Sacrifices

"Are you alright?" Rey said to Finn once they were far enough away from the fighting. She reached up to help him remove his helmet, but he shot away from her.

"What's going on?" He cried; his voice partially distorted by the stormtrooper helmet. "Who are you?" She could feel the fear rolling of of him, swallowing him whole. She could hear his breathing, sharp, quick intakes, and was worried he might pass out.

"Hey, hey," She said, approaching him slowly as though he were a wounded animal, liable to strike, her hands held in a placating gesture. "I'm not here to hurt you - I want to help you."

Finn only scurried back further, his head whipping around wildly, surely looking for a means of escape or defense.

"Please," Rey begged, her tone plaintive. "I'm telling the truth."

Finn stopped and shot up to his full height, possibly in an attempt at intimidation.

"What is going on?" He practically growled through the mask, emphasizing every word.

Rey pondered how to answer that question. _Don't worry, we know each other from an alternate future and we are best friends, we're always saving each other like this!_ Didn't seem like it would go over well. She sighed.

"You don't want to be a stormtrooper - right?" She said and Finn took another step back. "You don't want to kill for the First Order, do you?"

Finn was silent for a long moment and then shook his head. He removed his helmet and stared at her for a moment. He was sweaty, disoriented, and distressed, but it was Finn, it was really Finn. Rey could feel tears welling in her eyes but blinked them away, they would be too difficult to explain - as if the rest of this wasn't.

"How did you know that?" He asked, sounding almost breathless, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. "Why do you care?"

"I can't really explain how I know, it's just…"

"Just a feeling?" He asked, cautiously. Rey nodded slowly. Understanding seemed to dawn on his face, that and maybe acceptance.

Rey suddenly began to wonder what Finn had been about to tell her as they were sinking on Pasaana. For a horrifying moment, she had thought it was some confession of love. She _did_ love Finn, like a brother. The more she had thought about it though, she began to wonder – was Finn force sensitive?

"Yeah, like that." Rey agreed and Finn's face softened. He looked down at her lightsaber hilt which she had clipped back onto her belt before whisking Finn away from the fray. He lowered his voice and looked around as though there were anyone around that could hear him "Are you a _Jedi_?" He breathed.

"I am." Rey said, straightening her posture. It was always Rey's first inclination to shrink away from the title, but she _was_ a Jedi, she was all the Jedi.

Finn's eyes widened, at first Rey thought it was in awe but then she realized it was fear. He took both of her shoulders in his hands and stared at her intently.

"That guy you're with, he's…" But a low voice from behind cut him off.

"I'm what?" Ben asked, his voice dark. Rey could feel darkness rolling inside of him, she could also feel him trying to center himself, trying to push it away. Finn only sputtered in response, backing away from Rey, from Ben, from both of them.

"Ben, are you alright?" Rey asked, stepping towards him. Ben looked down at her, his eyes dark and stormy.

"I'm fine," He lied. He was obviously lying, and Rey was getting tired of it.

"Stop lying to me." She said sternly. "You never lied to me before, why now?" Ben looked at her, his eyes growing cautious before he turned back to the town.

"We need to find Dameron, he's had his fun leading this revolt, but we've got to go -"

Ben's thought ended abruptly as a shadow was cast over the entire valley. Something huge was blocking out the sun completely. Rey slowly turned her head to the sky to see the massive _Supremacy_ floating above their heads. She heard Ben's breath catch, she could practically hear his heart going wild, or maybe that was her own.

"No," Finn cried as he stumbled backward. "No, no… _Why_ is the Supreme Leader here?" He shot a look over to Ben, but Ben's focus was caught too intently by the ship flying over their heads.

Rey grabbed both of their hands and started sprinting towards town. As she neared the edge of the town, she could see a small figure, growing larger by the second, running towards her group. Poe looked a little worse for the wear, a small cut on his temple that was bleeding, and the sleeve of his jacket was torn, but he seemed to be alright.

"What the _hell_ is going on?" He called out to them, pointing at the huge ship dominating the sky above. "That's the First Order flagship, what is it doing here?" He turned to Finn and flashed a smile. "I'm Poe, by the way, nice to meet you."

"FN-2187." Finn said, sounding clearly confused and out of breath. Poe shook his head and furrowed his brow at the man in stormtrooper armor.

"FN-2… No, we'll have to work on that." Poe said.

"Later." Ben snapped. "We need to…"

Ben was cut off by a half dozen TIE fighters screaming overhead, firing at whatever targets they could hit. Poe cursed under his breath.

"Yeah, okay, we've got to go." Poe said, gesturing them all towards where they had left the _Falcon_.

"We can't." Ben said tensely. "Hyperspace tracking, they'll just follow us wherever we go." He shook his head and sighed.

"WHAT?!" Finn and Poe both cried in unison, confusion and terror etched onto their faces.

"He's here for me," Ben said, his lightsaber igniting beside him. Rey noticed Finn filch out of the corner of her eye. "I'll distract them. Get the ship up and in the air, I'll figure another way…"

"Absolutely not!" Rey said firmly. She turned to Finn and Poe, point towards the ridge where their ship was hiding. "Poe, take Fi – FN-2187 back to the _Falcon_. Leave. We'll hide out here, we'll find a way to signal you."

Rey turned back to see Ben already walking off into the danger alone, the battle between the dwindling stormtrooper battalion and the revolting miners was still well underway. She ran after him, her own lightsaber singing to life by her side.

"Ben!" She called out, but he ignored her. "Ben, stop!"

Ben just flung a hand out behind him, pushing Rey back gently with the force, her feet skidding across the rocky surface of the asteroid below their feet.

"Rey, stop." He did not turn to look at her, but he did stop walking away. Rey called on the force to turn him around in his spot. He eyed her, annoyed.

"Ben, stop sacrificing yourself!" She demanded.

"Rey, Snoke is _here_ ," He pointed up to the sky above them. "He will kill us, you have got to get out of here!"

"You would rather he just kill you, then?" Rey asked. Just then, she noticed a squadron of stormtroopers approaching them. She blocked the first shot and dodged the next.

" _Yes._ " Ben growled through gritted teeth before turning his attention towards the approaching troopers. "You won't die again; I won't let you."

Ben leapt into the air, coming down with a hard strike that slashed through two stormtroopers at once.

"I won't let you die either, Ben. You can't keep sacrificing yourself for me. We're a _dyad_ , we need to work together." Rey said, reflecting three blaster bolts back to where they came from, hitting two troopers directly in the chest. They feel to the ground, lifeless. "I can't lose you again either."

He turned to look at her for just a split second, his eyes soft, the muscles in his jaw working on something.

"You remember what happened on Exegol… after?" He asked, almost too softly for the moment. Before Rey could answer, Ben twirled around, swinging his lightsaber with his body, cutting down four troopers that had tried to surround him.

"I saw it," Rey said, working her way through the growing number of troopers, struggling to get closer to Ben. "At Maz's place. I won't leave you alone." Relief flooded through her as she felt her back pressed to his. They worked best together; they were a team. "And I won't let you leave me."

Rey could feel Ben cringe at the words, but she didn't have time to understand. They were surrounded, trooper after trooper coming at them, others shooting at them from afar. Rey worried that it was more than they could handle. Rey felt Ben press his back against her as he pushed back a whole line of troopers with the force.

"I can fight, Ben, you don't need to protect me." Rey said, trying to shove some humor into her strained voice. Her lightsaber swung around her wildly, deflecting and reflecting shot after shot. "You of all people should know that. I don't recall ever losing to you."

"What are you _talking_ about?" Ben roared, swinging his lightsaber to the left to cut down an approaching trooper. "That is," he grunted, driving his lightsaber in to the chest of a second trooper. "That is not true!"

"What? Starkiller, I won," Rey said, whipping her blue lightsaber around to block a few more shots and to parry an incoming attack.

"I was badly wounded on Starkiller, and," Ben leaned over, allowing Rey to arch herself onto his back to deliver a kick, she pushed out with the force sending a line of troopers skidding across the ground. " _Very_ distracted." He added with a grunt.

"I _won_ on the Death Star," He said, picking up a few stormtroopers and sending them into a group of their comrades.

"Oh," Rey said, ducking the swing of a stormtrooper's electrified staff. "I'll have to remember winning involves getting stabbed in the stomach."

"That's not fair," Ben roared, bringing his lightsaber down again hard. "I had you pinned down, I was _distracted_!"

Rey was about to chide him for being distracted far too often when both of them were suddenly and violently lifted into the air, their arms and legs stuck pin-straight, their lightsabers clattering to the ground at their feet. Dark fingers of the force curled around them.

" _Bring them to my throne room._ " A terrible chill ran down Rey's spine as she felt the familiar, deep, gravely voice run over her. Just out of the corner of her eyes, she could see the faint blue flickering hologram of Snoke, just his mangled face was visible. _He's not even here_ , she thought to herself. He had this much control over both of them and he wasn't even there.

Someone below that Rey could not see clamped heavy metal binders around her hands and wrists. She could feel Ben struggling against the force, against Snoke. She wanted to tell him to stop, to soothe him, but she couldn't move, couldn't form the words.

Just as instantly as they'd been raised, Ben and Rey dropped to the hard ground below. Rey hit her head on her metal cuffs on the way down. She could hardly stand as two rough hands grabbed her from either side, raising her up. She couldn't walk properly, had to be dragged. She was seeing stars, the world around her was a dizzying, blurry mess.

By the time Rey could see properly, she and Ben had been carted off in a command ship and they were surrounded by troopers on all sides. Ben's head was lowered, his hair curtaining off his face. He was breathing heavily.

"Ben," She said softly. He looked at her with watery eyes, eyes that screamed an unspoken apology. "We did it once before, right?" Her mouth trembled into a semblance of a smile.

Ben's eyes grew dark and dangerous with intensity, he nodded once briskly, and that was all the confirmation she needed. They would kill Snoke again today, or they would die trying, but either way, they were in this together.

* * *

Fourteen, Ben counted fourteen stormtroopers surrounding them in the command ship, one of them was a captain and the captain had their lightsabers. The muscle under Ben's left eye twitched unconsciously as he worked his jaw, teeth grinding each other flat. They could probably take them, probably, Ben thought, but the _probably_ was the issue.

He chanced another glance at Rey. She was looking down, her head nodding subtly side-to-side, blood trickled down slowly from her temple. She very likely was suffering from a concussion. Ben was unsure how many he could take out on his own, he was already physically exhausted, not to mention encumbered by the binder cuffs around his hands, though those would be easy enough to remove.

She was intent on killing Snoke, Ben knew that, and he agreed that it was what they probably should do, but the idea still struck him with a bone-deep fear. He had been able to distract and mislead Snoke last time. He had used Snoke's own arrogance and mis-placed faith in Kylo Ren against him, but that wasn't possible this time. Ben considered for a moment pretending to be Kylo again, lead Snoke to believe that Ben had merely been deceiving Rey in order to bring her to Snoke, but he knew that this was unlikely to work. How would he explain Starkiller in that case or stealing all of that sensitive information?

No, they would have to fight Snoke without tricks, without deception – and they would probably die. They would die and all of this will have been for nothing. Well, not nothing, Ben sighed. His father was alive, his mother was alive, the New Republic was still alive which meant that even without himself and Rey the Resistance stood a chance.

When the command ship landed in one of the hangar bays of the massive _Supremacy_ , Ben was forced to his feet by rough hands grabbing him at each side. He tried to shrug them off instinctively which only earned him a blaster butt to the stomach causing him to double over, mostly from the shock of it. Rey shot him a sympathetic yet warning stare. _Save your energy_ , he felt her say through the bond.

The hangar was filled with rows upon rows of stormtroopers, all in even, neat lines facing Ben and Rey; a hallway of white plastoid-composite armor and blaster rifles. They were certainly putting on a show for his homecoming. Ben wondered who had orchestrated this display, Snoke or Hux.

Ben's question was answered as they reached the end of the hangar. The man stood tall in the mouth of the hallway leading to the throne room elevator, his uniform as crisp and tidy as ever, his ginger hair combed back perfectly, his face schooled into a cold yet smug grin. Ben's stomach turned at the sight of him, he _knew_ how much Armitage Hux was enjoying this.

With a quick, curt nod from Hux, Rey and Ben were forced hard onto their knees. Ben wondered how many times Hux had dreamed of Ben in this exact position, at _his_ mercy for once. Ben calmed himself with the image of Hux's face growing red as he choked and gasped for air while Ben had declared himself Supreme Leader. That was not a time Ben remembered fondly, of course, nor one he liked to think of often, but his hate for Hux at this time overwhelmed the shame and sting of rejection that normally accompanied memories of the throne room incident.

"How the mighty have fallen, eh Ren?" The pale-faced man sneered, he was enjoying this too much, that was very clear. "I had heard you'd turned tail and run, but I had to see it for myself." Hux's smile only grew wider.

"Don't test me, Hux." Ben said lowly, but it was an empty threat. Unfortunately, Hux seemed to realize this and only continued grinning.

"I've always known you were a sniveling coward, Ren. Hiding behind a mask and your ancient religions." Hux snorted. "It's good to finally see definitive proof of it - _Traitor_." He spit the last word like it was poison.

"You're one to talk." Ben grumbled under half choked-down laughter. He knew he shouldn't antagonize Hux, not in his current position, but he couldn't get over the _irony_ of it. Hux had been the traitor last time, he'd been the spy for the Resistance, the mole in the First Order. Ben still didn't know _why_ , and oh, he'd wanted to, almost as much as he'd wanted to be the one to finally kill that little worm.

"I'm sure I have no idea what you mean." Hux said, his mask of superiority and smug satisfaction slipping for a moment to reveal true confusion, and then turned his attention to Rey.

"And who are you, Jedi girl?" Hux stroked a gloved hand over her cheek and Ben lunged forward, only to be held back by the troopers at his sides.

"Don't _touch_ her." Ben growled. Hux smiled wider, white teeth showing behind parted lips.

"Have I struck a nerve, Ren?" His hand did not leave Rey's face. She stood still as stone, her eyes never leaving Hux's face, even as he turned to Ben.

"It's fine, Ben." Rey said, her voice soft and smooth, comforting, but it did not ease Ben's tension. He wanted to throttle Hux, wanted to slam him into the wall, run him through with his lightsaber. He was shaking with anger.

"Ben, is it?" Hux said, returning his attention to Rey. "How much do you know about your companion, girl? Do you even know who he is, what he's done? He's a _monster._ " Hux said, lingering on the last word, drawing it out, savoring every syllable.

"I know _everything_ I need to know about him." Rey said, spitting in Hux's face. He seemed taken aback by that for a moment, too shocked to act, but then he reared back and slapped Rey across the face, hard. After the slap, Rey rose her head to meet Hux's glare with one of her own, cold and calm, her cheek already glowing red.

With a flick of his head, Ben lifted Hux into the air and slammed him face-first into the wall. The butt of a blaster rifle collided with the back of Ben's skull and Armitage Hux dropped to the ground, clutching his face, blood pouring from his nose like a faucet. He stared at Ben, wide eyed and surprised, maybe a little afraid. Ben hoped that he was afraid.

"I don't need my hands free to kill you, Armitage." Ben said, his voice nothing more than a low growl.

Hux sprang to his feet and towered over Ben, blood spilling down his front. His face was turning red and he was shaking, most likely with rage. Snoke was right about one thing, Hux was a rabid cur, crazed and wild when angry, unpredictable. His eyes screamed for blood and vengeance, he was very nearly frothing at the mouth.

"I almost wish you would live to regret that, Ren." Hux said, his voice raising in anger. Blood-filled spittle rained down on Ben's face but he did not flinch, he never broke eye contact with the general. Hux shook his head, composing himself, he smoothed his hair back, the blood on his hands smearing into the ginger locks. "But I can be content in knowing that you won't. Take them to the Supreme Leader." Hux pushed past the stormtroopers that hauled Ben and Rey to their feet, quickly striding from the hallway as the troopers led them towards the elevator.

Ben and Rey were nearly shoulder to shoulder in the elevator, he looked over at her and was transported to a past that would never happen, an elevator ride so similar to this one. On that ride, he had already made up his mind, he would kill Snoke and he would do it with her - though he'd ended up doing it _for_ her, to save her life. He had thought they were on the same side, that she would turn and join him, that they could create something new from the ashes of the galaxy once everyone who opposed them had been crushed into star dust – but he had been wrong.

Rey had been on Ben's side; she had been since they touched hands across time and space. She had seen the good in him and wanted to help him. Even after closing the door on him literally and metaphorically after Crait, she never truly gave up on him. She had been on his side, but hadn't been on hers, he had only cared about himself. That was different this time, they were truly on the same side, they were on the same team. Maybe they could do this, Ben tried to convince himself even as a terrible doubt coursed through his veins.

Rey looked over at him, her eyes shining, though not with tears. She looked peaceful, confident. He wanted to reach out to her, to take her hand, to soak in some of her peace, but cuffed as he was, that was impossible. He stared at her and offered a small, sad smile.

"This feels familiar." He breathed. Rey nodded and laughed quietly, solemnly.

"No talking." A trooper shoved Ben from behind with his elbow.

There were only four troopers in the elevator with them, who were horribly and unknowingly outmatched. Ben shot Rey and meaningful look and she nodded quickly. In an instant, he swung his arms around, the heavy metal cuffs colliding with the top of one of the trooper's helmets. Ben heard another trooper fall to the floor on his right as Rey dispatched them. Ben turned to the trooper on his far left, knocked the blaster from his grasp and dug the bulky cuffs into the trooper's throat until he felt the man go limp. This trooper had been the captain carrying their lightsabers, which clattered to the ground.

When Ben whirled around, ready to help Rey, he found that she had already incapacitated both of her troopers. With a flick of his fingers, their binders came undone and joined the troopers on the ground. She offered him an exhausted smile and rolled her eyes.

"Was that all together necessary?" She asked, rubbing her wrist.

"Four down." Ben said, trying his best to keep his tone light. She did not need to know how very, very terrified he was of Snoke. She probably _did_ already know though; she knew everything about him.

Rey took another step closer to him, her eyes looking up into his. _I should kiss her_ , he thought, his heart racing. It was very possible that this would be the last chance he ever got, might as well take it, right? Very slowly, Ben leaned forward and, if he was not mistaken, Rey began rising to meet him. The elevator doors opened, and they were frozen in place, not by fear, but by the invisible hand of the force.

Ben and Rey whirled around, frozen and floating in midair, to face Snoke. His dis-formed face was screwed up into a misshapen scowl, black robes trimmed with red and gold billowed at his feet. With the slightest flick of his fingers, Ben and Rey flew towards him, falling to the ground, on their knees, their bodies still frozen in place. Their lightsabers flew from the elevator floor onto the armrests of Snoke's throne, one on each arm. Ben almost smiled, remembering the last time he had Snoke in this position, the satisfaction of slicing his former master in half.

"Ah," Snoke began, his voice rolling through the room like a boulder. "The prodigal apprentice returns." His malformed lips twisted into a cruel smile

"You've run back to those who abandoned you, those who sent you away with your would-be-murderer, with your tail between your legs." Once, those words would have hurt Ben. His feelings of abandonment had been one of the many knives Snoke had used to carve up his psyche into easily managed and manipulated pieces, it didn't work anymore. "You are _weak_ , Kylo Ren, in all of the ways I have always known you to be. Perhaps that merely reflects poorly on me as a master."

"You _were_ a poor master." Rey said, her voice straining against Snoke's hold over her. Ben wondered how she found the strength. "You underestimated Ben Solo, you always have."

"And who is this little spitfire you've brought with you?" Snoke growled, raising Rey higher into the air, her arms and legs as stiff as boards. "The young Jedi girl, I've heard quite a bit about her – though not nearly enough. Where do you come from, _girl_?"

Rey tilted back, her face screwed up into a pained grimace. She screamed, her voice a horrible, ragged thing. She twitched slightly, fighting against Snoke's influence, but it was no use. Ben reached out through the bond, to do what, he wasn't sure, but he was blocked.

"Jakku?" Snoke purred. "A lonely sand-covered wasteland. And you were alone, too, weren't you, girl? _Abandoned_." Rey continued to shriek, tears pouring down her cheeks.

"NO!" Ben's scream ripped at his throat, tearing it raw. Snoke's attention did not waiver.

"Trained with Skywalker? Ah, clever man, he's hidden himself well. Don't try to hide his location from me, I will find him."

Ben fought against the hold that surrounded him, his entire body shaking with the effort, his face going red.

"You – you've been here before…" Snoke's eyes narrowed, his expression puzzled. "How is that?"

In his confusion, Snoke's hold over Ben wavered, only for a moment, but it was long enough. Ben reached out through the force to turn his lightsaber hilt, he did not have the luxury of time on his side, so it swung around quickly, the metal on metal scrape of the hilt twisting on the throne arm screeched through the room. Ben went to ignite the blade but it was too late, Snoke had regained control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh no! Sorry to leave you on a cliff-hanger! I've got the next update ready for tomorrow, so the wait won't be too long! 😜 I hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading!


	8. Broken and Bleeding

Rey crumpled to the ground, boneless and exhausted from trying, in vain, to resist Snoke's mental probe. It felt like someone had run a starship through her skull at lightspeed. Sound and vision were blurred. Her eyes refused to focus. When they did she saw Ben raised into the air, his own lightsaber hovering in front of him, pointed at his chest, the blade ignited, a crackling bloody red.

Rey tried to stand, but her body would not obey her. The best she could do was prop herself up on her elbows so that she was at least halfway sitting up. She tried to cry out for Ben, a useless gesture, her voice was little more than ragged air.

"You thought you could betray me, you pathetic child?" Snoke roared. His voice grating against Rey's pounding head. "You thought you were the heir to Vader? You were nothing more than a boy in a mask – weak and foolish enough to have his heart turned by a girl, one who could never truly care for you. Returned to the light for a pair of pretty eyes that could only ever look at you with derision. I've seen inside her mind, she _knows_ what a monster you are."

Ben cried out in pain as his body jolted under Snoke's iron grasp.

Rey breathed in deeply, calling on the force, calling on the past Jedi, the generations that lived inside of her, to give her strength. She stood. It felt like the ship shuddered beneath her feet.

She extended her arm, let the force flow through her, she pulled at the lightsaber pointed at Ben's chest, let the fingers of the force wrap around it. It trembled in the air, but it did not move. Rey bent her knees, steadied herself and pulled at the saber with all of her might. Her arm was shaking with exertion, her head was still pounding, and this concentrating only made things worse, but she had no other choice. If she failed, Ben died, that was it.

"Such spirit." Snoke said, no obvious strain in his own voice. However, the fact that he had not put his hold on her yet meant that he was extending too much energy in keeping Ben and the saber in place. "Pitiful girl, less than half a Jedi. You think that you can fight me? I cannot die, I cannot be beaten, I cannot -"

Rey felt a familiar burning sensation rise through her. Her blood screamed in her ears, her heart pounding violently against her rib cage as every fiber of her being fought against Snoke. She would _not_ let him take Ben from her. She could see him now, his smile fading, he was falling, he was disapearing before her very eyes. One moment he had been everything she had ever wanted and needed and the next he was gone. She couldn't survive the pain of losing him again, a pain she didn't even fully remember, but one that ached within her even now. It was more than the bond, she realized, it was Ben, who he was becoming – it was who he _was_. Heat rose in her chest, familiar and angry and dark. A great and terrible energy ripped through her body and she twisted on the balls of her feet to face Snoke.

Veins of violent blue electricity shot from Rey's fingers as she roared something entirely incomprehensible. Rey couldn't see it, but she knew that Ben and the lightsaber had been released from Snoke's hold. The tendrils of raw power wrapped themselves around Snoke's form, stunning, perhaps killing him, rendering him immobile, while at the same time threatening to consume Rey from the inside. The world shook around her, explosions going off in her head. Rey's vision went white and the lightning died.

Snoke's body fell to the ground, twitching from residual lightning coursing through his corpse. Ben pulled himself off of the floor, his lightsaber flying to his hand. He rushed over to Rey, wide-eyed, hair wild. Has face had taken on a sickly pallor from fighting Snoke's influence. He searched her face. Rey drew her own lightsaber to her hand.

"The guards," She breathed.

Sure enough, they were currently being surrounded by the red-armored Elite Praetorian Guards. Ben and Rey nodded quickly at each other and turned, pressing their backs together, a mirror image of their last fight against the guards.

The guards approached slowly, brandishing their weapons, all crackling to life with red electricity. Ben and Rey were both breathing hard, bone tired, but they weren't done yet.

"This is the easy part." Ben said, hoarsely. Rey would have laughed if she had the strength.

Rey swung at a guard carrying an electrified great sword. The sword flung back and Rey buried her blade into the guard's chest, kicking their body away. She pushed two of them back using the force, sending them careening into the far wall, their weapons igniting the red fabric which hung there, the fire spreading quickly.

She pressed her back further into Ben, who pressed against her in return. The way they fought was like a miracle. Two people completely in synch with each other. Their minds and hearts melding into one complete unit, stronger than either of them were separately. They danced with the elite guards; each swing of their blades was like a song. They were unison, they were _balance_. A spot of peace and tranquility in the fiery chaos that burned around them.

As the last guard fell, Ben whipped around and threw a hand behind Rey, both of their lightsabers dying in their grasps. Rey's legs felt wobbly and she thought that she might crumble at any moment, but Ben just held her closer, he wouldn't let her fall. She felt as safe as she ever had before. Her heart soared as she looked up at him, his dark eyes searching her, adrenaline pumping through both of their veins.

Ben leaned down and kissed her. The kiss was soft and gentle in stark contrast to the fire, destruction, and death that surrounded them. It was intimate, sweet – _loving_ , Rey thought. Rey's body was trembling so hard it felt like the world was shaking around them. It really, _really_ felt like that. Ben pulled back quickly.

"Is the ship shaking?" He asked, with shuddering breath.

They were quiet and still for a moment, both of them staring up at the ceiling. An explosion sounded somewhere nearby and the ship shuddered violently beneath their feet.

"What's happening?" Rey croaked, her voice a mangled mess from screaming.

Both of their attentions turned to the large transperisteel viewport at the back of the throne room. Now that red fabric had all but burned away, they could see the inky blackness of space spread out before them, sparkling with stars. More prominent than the stars, however, was the massive fleet of ships lined up against the _Supremacy_. Rey's heart skipped a beat, terrified for a moment, until she realized the ships in front of her were not star destroyers, not dreadnaughts.

"The Resistance." She said, breathlessly, grasping the front of Ben's shirt tightly. The Resistance fleet was attacking the ship, and it was larger than she had ever seen it before. "Where did all of those ships come from?" She asked, every word scratching up her throat.

"It's the Republic fleet." Ben breathed. "It was never destroyed because Starkiller…" He choked out a sound that Rey thought was maybe supposed to have been a laugh but sounded more like a cough. "We've got to get out of here."

"The escape shuttle." Rey said, pointing, remembering exactly where it was.

The shuttle was compact and sleek but fit both she and Ben easily. Being the Supreme Leader's escape craft, it was quite fast, if Rey remembered correctly. She sat herself in the pilot's seat. There was no co-pilot position, but there was a second seat built into the wall of the craft where Ben sat, hunched over in the cramped space. Rey's hands shook, whether from exhaustion or nerves she could not tell, probably both, as she primed the ship for flight and ejected them out into the cool darkness of space.

X-Wings and TIE fighters littered the space above, below and all around them. Rey could make out the _Raddus_ in the distance, the long, oblong Mon Calamari-built flagship of Leia Organa, and she made straight for that, or, she did, until two X-Wings swooped up on the shuttle's rear and took fire. Rey swung the ship around wildly, it's controls more responsive than she was used to. Rey pitched the shuttle down and up and around, trying to lose their attackers.

A familiar ship raced by on their right, joining the pursuit. Ben reached over her shoulder to the comm system, punching in a familiar code.

" _This is the Falcon_ ," A familiar voice crackled through the speaker of the communicator. " _Who is this_?"

"Dad, it's Ben. You need to –"

"Ben? _What are you doing… We thought you were planet side!"_ Han's voice yelled through the comm, interrupting his son.

"Well, we aren't. Can you _please_ relay that to the Resistance fighters currently trying to blow us out the sky?" Ben called into the device, his voice desperate and ragged as Rey barely managed to dodge another shot.

Within a moment the fighters pulled off but Rey was still tense, her muscles still taught, her hands had a white-knuckle grip on the steering controls. Ben did not return to his seat, he stayed right behind Rey, his fingers digging into the leather of the pilot's seat, she could feel his shaking breath on her ear. It was not until they pulled into the hangar of the _Raddus_ , surrounded by Resistance members, guns drawn, of course, that Rey allowed herself to relax.

Once the crowd saw and processed who was exiting the First Order shuttle, they immediately rushed back to whatever they had been doing beforehand, some rushing out of the hangar others scrambling into X-Wings and bombers. No one paid Ben and Rey any mind as Ben grabbed Rey's hand and burst into a sprint.

They probably should have gone straight to the med-bay, that would have been the smart thing to do, but their minds were still running on the fire of battle and adrenaline, their blood hot from fighting. Of course, Rey had never been on the _Raddus_ before, it had hit the _Supremacy_ at lightspeed while she was still on the First Order flagship. It was possible Ben had been on the ship before, Rey conceded, it was his mother's, but he didn't seem to know where he was going. This was confirmed when he skidded to a halt, Rey smashing into his back in the process, as he turned to a passing Resistance member.

"Command Deck." He barked. It was not a question; it was a command. The girl, an engineer Rey vaguely recognized, jumped out of her skin at the sound and babbled nearly incoherent directions back at them.

Without an apology or thanks, Ben took off again, this time in the opposite direction.

When they arrived at the command deck of the _Raddus_ , it was bustling with activity. Generals, those of whom were not out in the fray, were issuing orders to commanders, their focus on screens and readouts in front of them. Leia was on the other end of the room, staring out the large viewport of the command center, her grip tight on the waist-high terminal in front of her. Ben's pace did not slow until they reached her.

Leia turned to face them, surely sensing her son before seeing him. She wrapped her arms around his frame and Rey let go of his hand, not wanting to intrude. The embrace was a quick one. Ben pulled back, his hands resting on his mother's shoulders.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice still raw.

"We couldn't pass up an opportunity like this, the First Order flagship out here all alone?" She smiled slyly, slightly relieving the tension in her face. "And I heard that my son had gotten himself into trouble." Leia's face grew more serious, her eyes passing between Ben and Rey. "What happened on that ship?"

Rey and Ben were still both gasping for air, their hearts not having had a chance to calm since the _Supremacy_ arrived. They must have looked a sight, Rey realized, covered in blood, sweat and soot. Rey took a look at Ben who was looking at her and her assumption was proven correct. His hair was a mess, thick with sweat and blood, his eyes bloodshot. Ben turned back to his mother.

"Snoke is dead." He said flatly. Leia's eyes went wide.

"Oh, Ben." She said, her hands flying to his shirt. "Ben," was all she could say.

Both Ben and Rey turned their attention to the viewport, or, more accurately, the battle raging on the other side of it. Billowing explosions dotted the _Supremacy_ as X-Wings shot down TIE fighters and vice versa, as surface cannons were destroyed, as bombers dropped their payloads. Escape shuttles rocketed from the First Order flagship, commanders and officers abandoning the losing battle.

Leia's attention also returned to the battle after some time as Ben wrapped his arm around Rey's shoulders and she wrapped her arms around his waist and pulled him close. Every soul on the command deck waited with bated breath, their hearts beating in time as the _Supremacy_ shuddered into a massive explosion and fell to pieces before them.

* * *

Everyone on the command deck was still and silent for a beat, their victory not having been fully processed, and then the entire ship erupted into cheers and hugging and crying. Voices shouted through the communications systems, enraptured, heading back to the people that loved them, to celebrate heroes, both living and fallen.

Something warm rose in Ben's chest, something like… pride? Ben's entire career within the First Order, as Snoke's apprentice, had been fraught with conflict. He had thought he was on the path to who he was meant to be, that sacrifices, no matter how painful, were necessary, but he never felt _right_. There was no conflict now, this was a victory without pain, a path without compromise.

He looked down at Rey, but she was not smiling. Her head downturned, she seemed sad, tired and in pain. He felt it too, the high of battle was wearing off, the adrenaline in their blood cooling, leaving them running on fumes.

"Where is the med-bay?" Ben asked his mother, practically holding Rey up. His mother pointed him in the right direction, and he headed off as fast as their feet could carry them, which was fairly slowly at this point.

At some point along their journey, Rey stopped moving. She stood stock-still in the middle of a hallway, her focus on the far distance, looking like she was about to faint. She looked down at her hands and began to weep.

Ben pulled her in close to his chest and sank the both of them down to the floor, his back sliding against the wall. He cradled her frame into his, enveloping her as she cried. Tried to think of something to say, but comforting words eluded him, so he stayed silent.

Rey shook with emotion, her body heaving in heavy sobs as she buried her face in his chest, her fingers clawing at the fabric of his vest and shirt. Ben just rocked her slowly. People passed, but most paid them no mind, only a few shot sorry glances their way, most likely assuming they were mourning a fallen friend. It was a strange sensation that surrounded him, the revelry from returning heroes of war mixed with Rey who was falling to pieces in his arms.

"I did it again," She wailed into his chest, her voice muffled. "I let the anger take control, I let the darkness in. It was just like Passaana."

"Passaana wasn't your fault." Ben said, pulling her tighter into him, rocking her slowly, rubbing a hand gently on her back as it shuddered. "I – I pushed you, and this time, you were only trying to -"

"I thought it was over." She choked out between sobs. Ben began to worry that she might hyperventilate. "I thought I had beaten it." Rey was looking at her hands again as though they were a sworn enemy, or disgusting things. Her jaw trembled with sorrow and anger.

"It's never over," He said softly as Rey looked up at him with watery eyes. "Not really. I don't think the dark side ever lets go completely, I don't think it's something you can beat forever." His tone was sad.

Ben had hoped when he had turned back to the light that he would be free from the tug-of-war that imprisoned his soul, but that had been a foolish hope. Ben Solo had been drawn to the darkness since before he could remember, just as Kylo Ren had been tormented by the call to the light. Why would he have thought anything would change now? The dark side was not an enemy that could be slain and forgotten about, it was in its very nature to seduce you with its shortcuts to unimaginable power.

He felt it in him always, threatening to rise with the temperature of his blood, with every wound and every annoyance. It was especially hard to suppress when he was fighting, and he had lost that battle a few times since he had turned back to the light, he knew that. It was a crutch, one that he had learned to lean on seven years ago, one that would take time to learn to live without.

Ben just held Rey close and let her cry. He would be here to listen if she wanted to talk, but he wouldn't pressure her. It was everything he had ever wanted from his parents, from his uncle, but was too afraid to ask for, too afraid of their judgement, that they wouldn't understand what he was feeling, that they would be afraid of him. Rey _knew_ that Ben understood. After some time, she looked up at him again, her eyes red-rimmed but drying.

"He was wrong." She said softly. Ben shot her a confused look and she elaborated. "Snoke, he was wrong, he lied."

"Snoke always lies." Ben said tonelessly. He knew that better than anyone.

"He was wrong, about everything. When he was in my mind, he didn't -" She was still looking at him, but her eyes grew more intense, full of meaning, golden flakes glowing within green-brown irises. "I _do_ care about you, Ben." Her voice was nearly a whisper, still scratched from screaming. "I really do."

Ben opened his mouth, but he found that he had no words, though his heart was full of them. He couldn't speak, so instead, he did the next best thing. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips to hers, trying to pour everything he felt into the kiss. He willed every ounce of peace that she gave him into her, every comforting thought and word that his mouth could not form, every assurance that she was the best person he had ever known.

Ben loved Rey, he had for a long time. Kylo Ren had thought he loved Rey, but he didn't understand it. Kylo only saw what Rey could bring him, an empress, power, someone to rule by his side and help him crush whatever and whomever stood in their way, never taking into account what Rey wanted. That was why he had asked her to take his hand on the _Supremacy_ , because he was blind to who she really was beyond a powerful force-user and someone who had touched his lonely heart. Ben Solo did love Rey and he wanted to give her whatever it was that she wanted. The fact that one of those things might have been him was almost too much for that lonely heart to bear.

Rey leaned into his kiss for a moment, her face still damp with tears. He could feel how she cared for him and it was nearly enough to make his heart burst. What had he ever done to deserve such grace? She pulled away, leaving him cold and wanting more. She stood slowly on shaky legs.

"I'm alright." She said. Ben stood beside her. She took his hand and they walked to the med-bay together.

The Resistance fleet spent the next day-cycle jumping from one point to the next just in case the First Order was tracking them. Rey, who did very much have a concussion, spent a good amount of that time resting and recovering in the med-bay. Ben's injuries were less severe, but he spent most of his time with her.

That entire day-cycle Ben waited with bated breath, so sure that after Snoke had seen into Rey's mind, that Sidious would _know_. Ben waited for the sky to open up, rain fire on them, for the Sith Eternal fleet to appear before the _Raddus_ and blow it away, but nothing happened.

At some point, Ben had fetched both of them fresh clothes, a black jacket, trousers and a shirt that buttoned halfway down the front for himself, and for Rey a sky-blue shirt, white pants and arm wraps, he had even managed to find a light-blue swath of fabric to be used in her signature cross-body wrap. Ben had even managed to find a new utility belt for himself, one that wrapped around not only his waist but also his thigh and came equipped with a blaster holster, something he figured could come in handy in a pinch.

Ben had been in the med-bay modifying the belt to include a holster for his lightsaber when Rey had crawled up on the bed he was sat upon, resting herself on the mattress between his legs, her back against his chest. She picked up his lightsaber hilt, which he had set on the bed next to him and began turning it over in her hands.

"What is this for?" She asked. Ben looked up from his work to see her running a finger along the red wire on the exterior of his lightsaber.

"That wire specifically?" He asked, slightly confused. "Um, it helps divert power from the power cell. Why?"

"Why is it on the outside? I've always wondered that, not that I had too much time to think about it when - well, you know." She asked, inspecting it closely. "So much of the inner-workings are just out there, exposed." She mused.

"When I bled my kyber crystal, it cracked which made it more powerful but also unstable. I had to make some… alterations to my original hilt so that it wouldn't explode. I was pretty inexperienced then, so it was kind of a messy job." He half sighed; half laughed. "That's the reason for the quillions too." He reached around her and pointed to the lateral vents on either side of the emitter. "They divert additional heat."

"Hmm," Rey hummed. "So, it's just poorly made, then?" Ben laughed fully, this time.

"I guess," He said between laughter. "Everything being exposed does make modifications and repairs much easier, though. I guess that's why I haven't fixed it."

"It just seems dangerous." Rey said, shaking her head, sounding as serious as ever.

"I'll have you make my next one," Ben promised, placing a tentative kiss into her hair. They were doing that now, just giving each other casual kisses, light ones on the temple or knuckles or wrists. Ben was forever surprised that Rey let him, that she didn't pull away, that she kissed him back.

"That's good." Rey sighed against him. "Does it hurt?" She asked after a moment.

"Does what hurt?" Ben asked, furrowing brows she could not see.

"Bleeding your crystal?"

"Oh," Ben said, the process of bleeding his crystal is not something he had thought of in quite some time. "Yes, but it's not really physical pain." Ben thought, wondering how to best explain it. "You have to channel pain, hate, rage – all of that into the crystal, and it fights back, it doesn't want to be bled…" He trailed off. "It is sort of physical too, I guess. It's – it's hard to explain, sorry."

"Can it be undone?" Rey asked, her voice light, no judgement, just pure curiosity.

"Yes, well, it has been, I knew someone who did that once, but I wouldn't know how to." Ben's mind took him back in time, back to when he was very young. His uncle introducing him to a woman, she had known his grandfather, had been his padawan. Her lightsabers had been white, blinding and brilliant, the crystals healed and reformed.

"If you could, would you want to?" She turned her head to look up at him.

"Maybe." Ben answered noncommittally.

Later that day, Ben had been summoned for a tense meeting with his mother. It had not gone... well and he had been trying to distract himself by grabbing himself and Rey something to eat. She was well enough by then to have left the med-bay, but Rey preferred to eat in private. Ben didn't press it and he didn't mind people watching him and whispering in his presence. In fact, it meant that they were unafraid of him enough not to, which was a nice change of pace. A shout drew his attention in an empty hallway.

"Hey!" Called the voice, it's masculine tone was vaguely familiar.

Ben turned slowly. He said nothing to the ex-stormtrooper at the other end of the hall, merely raised his eyebrows and nodded his head gesturing the other man to continue. FN-2187 stepped forward once, terror written all over his face, although it was clear he was trying to hide it.

"You…" The man began, his voice raised, but then his eyes scanned the hall, worried, looking for spying eyes and ears. He drew nearer. "I know who you are." FN-2187 whispered.

"Hmm?" Ben hummed dispassionately. Of course, FN-2187 knew who he was, or who he had been. Ben did not particularly care one way or another. He knew that his mother and Rey were both nervous about the truth of his history in the First Order getting out, the fact that he had once been Kylo Ren, but the way Ben saw it, it was inevitable.

"Y-you're Kylo Ren." FN-2187 stammered. Ben merely sighed and rolled his eyes, ready for this conversation to be over.

"I was." He agreed. "Thank you for letting me know. Are we done here?" The ex-stormtrooper seemed taken aback, he shook his head. This was clearly not how he imagined this conversation would go.

"Ar – No!" The man's eyes widened as he stomped a foot on the ground. "Rey, the girl that saved me, don't hurt her." The words were laced with a pathetic threat. _Or what_ , Ben was tempted to ask, curious to see what the trooper thought he could do to stop him, but he held back.

"I have no plans to." Ben said flatly, though he was holding back a laugh.

"First Order!" Cried another man's voice, this one painfully familiar as well. Ben closed his eyes, exhausted. One hand raising to rub at the low throbbing developing in his right temple. Ben opened his eyes to see Dameron, the pilot all smiles, one arm wrapped over the shoulders of the ex-stormtrooper by his side. FN-2187 seemed to relax a bit in the presence of a friendly face, but still looked warily at Ben.

"Yes?" Ben sighed.

"We haven't seen you since the action in Pressy's Tumble, didn't get to thank you for saving our skins!" The pilot laughed, shaking the man next to him who was stock-still, the ex-stormtrooper's face was a picture of discomfort.

"Don't mention it." Ben mumbled half-heartedly.

"We're just going to visit with Rey, where you off to?"

"Food." Ben sighed, his jaw setting hard.

"Oh!" Dameron brightened, he turned to FN-2187. "You hungry, buddy?" The ex-stormtrooper said nothing, but the pilot continued. "I'll go with this guy, get us some grub and I'll meet back up with you at Rey's room, okay?"

Ben had already begun walking away, his pace brisker than it would normally be, still, he could hear the pilot scrambling behind him to catch up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figure that monologuing will always be Snoke's downfall, haha! 🤣 Snoke's gone and we are headed into final moves territory, but we've still got a few things to get done a few people to see 😉. I do have the rest of the story more or less outlined at this point, so I have updated the chapter count, so we're definitely in the home-stretch at this point! 
> 
> Also, very subtle reference to one of my favorite characters, Ahsoka Tano! 💕 In my head cannon she meets Luke and Leia and little Ben at some point. Gah, she would love them! 
> 
> This was a really fun chapter to write, thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it! 💕


	9. Healing

Rey was surprised when she heard the door to her quarters open with a soft _whoosh_. Ben had only just left, perhaps he'd forgotten… but it wasn't Ben. Finn stood in her threshold, his shoulders slightly hunched, an awkward smile slowly creeping along his face. He raised a hand in hello but made no move to enter.

"Fi – FN-2187!" Rey cried, cringing internally at the use of his First Order designation. "You're here."

Rey jumped out of bed and ran to wrap Finn in a warm hug which he returned nearly instantly. For a moment, Rey could almost forget that he had no idea who she was.

It had been so much harder than she had imagined, her friends and the people she had cared about not knowing her. Just yesterday, she had seen Rose and her sister Paige laughing about something in the hallway by the refresher. Rey had approached them and they had introduced themselves, they had been perfectly polite but it was clear they were uncomfortable and star-struck to be speaking with Rey, Jedi and _Resistance Hero_.

People had seen her like that last time too, it wasn't something completely foreign to her, people watching her, seeing her as a hero. The Resistance was smaller then though, by a considerable amount. It had been easier to meet everyone, talk with them, let them see that she was a person first. That was all but impossible now.

More than that, it was dawning on her that even if she managed to recapture her relationships with everyone she had loved in her past life, she would have fond memories of them that they would never, could never share.

"Actually," Finn said as they pulled back from the embrace. "It's Finn." He smiled. "Poe gave it to me – the name." He added quickly.

"That's great." Rey said, her heart full to bursting; some things never changed, some things really were fated to be. The prospect was as sweet as it was terrifying. "It's a great name. It suits you, I think."

"Yeah, I like it." Finn shifted uncomfortably, chewing on the inside of his lip. Rey considered him, curious. "I never got to thank you. I'm still not sure what happened back on Pressy's Tumble, why you were there, why you were looking for me… You saved me. I'd known for so long that I didn't belong there, in the First Order, I think something in me always knew. I'll never be able to make it up to you."

"You don't have to." Rey insisted. One day she would explain everything to Finn, she decided. One day when there was enough time, maybe once she understood why or how all of this had happened, she would help him understand just how much he meant to her. "You being here, that's enough."

"Rey," Finn said, his face dropping, his voice growing grim. "That man you're with, he's dangerous. They called him ' _Jedi Killer_ ', Rey. Kylo Ren, he's -"

"I know." Rey said, gently, perching herself on the end of the bed.

"He's – Wait, what?" Finn stopped, his face twisted in confusion, as if he hadn't heard her right. "You… you know?" He shook his head, not understanding.

"I know that Ben used to be Kylo Ren," Rey said softly. "Trust me, I know _all_ about him." She said, shaking her head with a small laugh. "He's changed." Finn shot her a pitying look. "And either way, I can handle myself. Thank you though."

"It just doesn't make sense." Finn shook his head. "I was on sanitation duty on Starkiller, I saw him, he was a _monster_ , Rey. I just don't see how someone like that could just change out of nowhere."

"I know, I don't expect you to." Rey said, with a small shake of her head. She more than understood where Finn was coming from, there was a time when she found it hard to imagine as well.

"Just… Just keep an eye on him, please." Finn pleaded, thoroughly unconvinced.

Ben returned after some time with Poe following close behind, both of their arms laden with trays of food. Ben looked completely exhausted. Finn and Poe stayed while they ate, only Rey and Poe spoke much, the air was thick with tension, they left not long after.

Rey was surprised to find that Ben did not seem relieved to be left alone as he often did. He shifted uncomfortably, his teeth grinding together, his hands shoved in his pockets. He was looking at the floor contemplatively.

"We need to get Luke." He confessed; his voice tight with discomfort. "I've spoken with my mother, she agrees. It's time."

"Are you alright?" Rey asked tentatively.

She knew very well the bad blood that existed between Ben and his uncle, the dark spot on Ben's psyche in the shape of Luke Skywalker. He no longer wanted to _kill_ Luke, of course, but very little else had changed. The hurt, the pain and the betrayal had remained.

"Yes," He said sharply. And then he sighed an apology. "We've put it off too long already."

Han, Leia and Chewie had decided to join them. Rey had explained how… _reluctant_ Luke had been last time to return with her. Leia had scoffed at that, saying that her brother would return with them even if she had to drag him back by the ear kicking and screaming. Some wicked part of Rey, maybe the part that had sat outside his hut in the rain for nearly a full day, almost hoped she would get to see that.

Ben was a fidgety mess for the entire flight. She tried to distract him with a few games of Dejarik, but he was distracted and distant and Rey won every game handily even though Ben certainly had more experience. She decided to just sit close to him, to quietly comfort him, hold his hand.

"It will be okay." She whispered placing a light kiss to his knuckles. Ben, seemingly unable to vocally respond just squeezed her hand three times in quick succession.

Everyone had gathered into the cockpit as they approached the green, mountainous island. Sharp, craggy rocks jutted up towards the sky like fangs.

"That the place?" Han asked.

"Yes," Rey said. As they began their descent.

"I can't sense him." Leia said, her voice quiet.

"He's closed himself off from the force." Rey explained solemnly. "It's just down there." She said, pointing to the flat bit of land overhanging the ocean, the same place she and Chewie had landed the ship last time. The spot she had experienced the rain, the place she had called Kylo Ren a monster. Rey shivered at that memory, cold like the crisp ocean air outside.

"We're supposed to climb _that_?" Han complained, pointing to the steep steps that wound up the mountain to the village, the temple, and the overlook where Rey had first met Luke, where she expected to find him now. "Leia, I swear, these kids are trying to kill me."

"Alright!" Rey said, clapping her hands together as she felt Ben stiffen beside her. "Let's go!"

Leia struggled the most with the stairs leading up the mountain, Ben helped her climb as best as he could, but by the time they reached the village she had decided to hang back and wait for them there. Han also stayed behind, complaining of his knees clicking unnaturally. They both urged Ben, Rey and Chewie on.

As Rey approached the peak, she imagined seeing him there, his robes blowing in the wind. She felt herself transported to another time, so full of hope and pain and fear, holding out a lightsaber to a man who had refused to accept it. As they crested the ridge, she saw that the clearing was empty, Luke was not there.

She checked his fishing spot, not there, the temple, not there, the uneti tree, not there.

Ben was fascinated by the tree library, awestruck by the ancient sacred Jedi texts within it. His hand had hovered tentatively over each of them, seemingly too afraid to even touch them. It left Rey feeling a little embarrassed with how indelicately she had sometimes handled the texts, she remembered roughly tossing them into the drawer on the _Falcon_ in her mad rush to leave last time and cringed.

"He's probably back in the village." Ben mused quietly, delicately turning a yellow page of the text he had picked up. "My mother is probably dragging him back to the ship now."

Chewie grunted in agreement and offered to go check. Rey approached Ben, she recognized the book he was reading, the _Chronicles of Brus-bu_. His fingers traced lightly over the text on the pages.

"Is this how you fixed my grandfather's lightsaber?" He asked, pointing to a particular passage on healing kyber crystals.

"It is,"

"Hmmm," Ben hummed thoughtfully.

If Rey were honest, she hoped that he would try to heal his crystal. The process of bleeding sounded painful and she couldn't help but feel like using a bled crystal, something imbued with so much pain and hate and darkness would only hinder his progress towards the light. She would not pressure him; it seemed an incredibly personal thing and it was a choice that he should make himself.

It was when Rey stepped outside of the tree for a moment into the thick fog that had settled over the island that she saw him. Luke Skywalker, robes billowing behind him. He stopped dead when he saw her, his expression curious.

"Luke," Rey said breathlessly. Luke's face fell into an annoyed scowl as he turned and marched back into the fog. _Not this again_ , Rey thought bitterly. "Ben," She called out behind her.

Ben was by her side in an instant. She could feel how tense he was, his hands balled into fists before relaxing as he exhaled deeply.

"Luke." Ben said, his voice flat.

Luke froze on the spot and turned slowly to face them. His face went lax, his mouth parted in shock, disbelief. His eyes widened and then narrowed looking Ben and Rey over, as if uncertain whether they were real or visions. He took a careful step towards them. Rey could feel Ben wanting to step backwards and she grabbed his hand tight.

"Ben?" His tone was wary, his voice hardly more than a whisper, barely audible above the crashing of the waves below. Luke took another step forward and then a third until he and Ben were only an arm's length apart. Uncle and nephew, master and apprentice, considered each other for the first time in years. Ben squeezed Rey's hand thrice and she squeezed his back. "Ben, I -"

"The Resistance requires your aid." Ben gritted out. "We've been sent to… retrieve you."

Rey looked up at Ben, his face was schooled into a neutral expression. He was good at that, turning his face into a mask of cold flesh to hide what he was feeling inside. It was a defense mechanism. He always forgot about his eyes though, which were always full of emotion. His eyes, currently, were overflowing with pain but also determination.

"The Resistance?" Luke's eyes narrowed, confused.

"The Emperor has returned." Rey said bluntly. She was not going to mince words, not with Luke Skywalker, not when no one knew how much time they had left to act.

Luke's eyes flew open wide, he took a step backwards in shock. He almost seemed like he was going to fall over. He looked between Ben and Rey for a moment.

"That's – That's not possible."

"It is." Ben said coolly. "Sidious is back, we've seen him, we've fought him. This time we need your help."

* * *

Ben and Rey ran through their story, or, the relevant parts anyway, fighting Sidious, waking up in the past. Luke was hesitant to believe them which, Ben supposed, was understandable. Ben found himself staring out into the fog or at the ground, it was too much to look into his uncle's blue eyes. Every time he caught them, unintentionally, he was back on Crait, terrified, furious and frothing at the mouth, or he was lying in bed and those eyes were looking down on him cast in a green light. Each look pierced his heart with a new, terrible, complicated emotion.

"Why does he want you?" Luke asked, shaking his head.

"He -" Ben began, but Rey cut him off.

"No, Ben." He looked down at her, meeting her eyes. "He should know. I want him to." Ben was confused for a moment, but then it hit him.

"Rey -" Ben began. No one needed to know, she could keep it a secret. Her family didn't have to define her like his had for him. Rey just shot him a meaningful gaze.

"The Emperor wants me – I'm his granddaughter."

Luke's gaze lost a bit of its fire, his face settled. He exhaled deeply and considered Rey closely. Luke said nothing for a moment and nodded. Ben felt a sudden familiar presence wash over him, his uncles's force signature blooming back to light. Luke looked to him.

"Your mother is here?" Luke asked.

They rushed to the village. Leia was already waiting at the edge of it, her face lit up at the sight of her long-lost brother. She and Luke embraced, the years apart melting away between them. Ben's father and Chewbacca ducked out from the doorway of one of the small stone huts. Chewie howled a celebratory hello to his old friend.

"Chewie," Luke laughed, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Han!"

Luke pulled both of them into the embrace. They stayed like that for a while, four old friends, lost years and shared pain overpowered by their love for each other. Ben watched them with pain blooming in his chest, thinking of all the ways they had been destroyed by his own machinations.

Ben didn't want to think about that now. He didn't want to see his father's face, so filled with undue love and forgiveness, before he fell into the depths of a soon-to-be dying planet. He didn't want to hear Chewies cries of grief and pain as he shot Ben with his bowcaster. He didn't want to feel his uncle's Force signature fade from the world as the Resistance fled Ben's raging. He didn't want to hear his mother's voice wash over him like one of the waves of Kef Bir, a last act of love before she was gone forever. He didn't want to think of any of that, not when they were _here_ and they were _fine -_ but just because they were here now, just because he hadn't destroyed them in this timeline, it didn't mean he never had.

Still, being here now, making the right choices this time - it had to mean something, right? He could do better, he could be better - he _wanted_ to be better. He had so hoped that it would be enough, but still, something in him felt so broken, so damaged it seemed irreparable, and the worst of it was, he didn't even know what was broken, let alone how to fix it.

"What were you thinking?" Leia asked, finally pulling away and whopping her brother on the back of the head with an open palm. "Running away like that - laserbrain!"

"Leia!" Luke cried, stepping back, he rubbed his head mussing his grey hair, and then he laughed. "I'm sorry!"

"Did you really think you could lose us that easily, farm boy?" Han asked with a laugh of his own. Ben was shocked by how easily they fell back into old familiarity. He felt very suddenly overwhelmed.

He felt himself walking away, where he was going, he did not know. Rey turned and said his name, but he just shook his head. He needed space, he needed to walk, he needed to breathe. Seeing his family together, his _family_ , it was too much. He was happy, he was sad, he was hurt, he was guilty. It was all too much.

He found himself in a cave overlooking the ocean, it was unclear if the cavern was natural or manmade. A pool sat directly in the middle, the water cool and still. A mosaic of a humanoid figure sat in the center. The figure was split in two, one half black and the other white. Ben thought he had seen the image before in his studies, the Prime Jedi.

Ben sat himself on the edge of the pool and unclipped his lightsaber from his belt. He just stared at it for a while, inspecting it. With a flick of his wrist it was floating in the air in front of him, each of its different components disassembling. The hilt components laid themselves on the ground in front of him carefully while the two cracked pieces of his kyber crystal, red and screaming, floated in front of him. He grabbed one in each hand and considered them carefully.

"Healing," He muttered into the emptiness of the ancient Jedi temple.

He'd been thinking about it a lot since Rey had brought it up back in the med bay.

_If you could, would you want to?_

He hadn't had an answer for her then, not a satisfying one at least. Blessedly, Rey had not pressed him, but he hadn't stopped wondering about how it could be done, if it was something someone like him even could do. Then he had found that text in the uneti tree. It had called to him, had wanted him to see the passage on repairing crystals. He realized now that his answer was 'yes', he did want to heal his crystal. The crystal was the heart of the blade, the heart of the Jedi and Ben hoped that in healing his crystal he could heal some part of himself - it was a nice thought, anyway.

Ben breathed in deeply and for the first time in years opened himself up fully to his past.

The memories came flooding back, Snoke in his mind telling him to pour every ounce of pain and misery and hatred he had felt into the crystal, to bend it and shape it to his own design. He had thought of his family and tried to pour his hatred for them into the gem, but something had gone wrong. The crystal cracked; the process was incomplete. Because Ben hadn't hated his family; he had still loved them and that was why the bleeding had not worked as intended.

Ben closed his fists around both halves of the crystal and shut his eyes. Crossing his legs under him and breathing in deeply he tried to stoke the flame of light that burned within him, tried to draw on the light and love that surrounded him and push _that_ into the kyber. This was what the text he had read said to do. He thought of his mother, his father, Chewbacca, Uncle Lando, Rey – all of the people he cared about and who never gave up on him, even well after they probably should have. He felt the warmth and the light flow through him, through his veins and out again. He envisioned it wrapping around the two halves of the crystal, filling them with light, healing them, healing him.

He opened his eyes and peeled back his fingers revealing two halves of one crystal, both still angry and flaming red. He shook his head in frustration. Of course, it hadn't worked. Why had he thought he could do this?

"Ben?" A familiar voice called out from behind him causing Ben to nearly jump out of his skin. He whirled around to see his uncle standing in the arched entrance to the cave. Ben narrowed his eyes at the man.

Luke was older than he remembered. Even when he had fought the man on Crait – or, when he _thought_ he had been fighting him – Luke had looked exactly as he had when Ben had fled the Jedi temple. It was another trick of the force projection, Ben realized now with a huff.

"We're getting ready to head out." Luke said carefully.

"And they sent _you_ to fetch me?" Ben asked, his voice low and poisonous.

"I volunteered." Luke said plainly, not acknowledging Ben's tone. "What are you doing?"

"Why do you care?"

"Just curious." Ben's uncle said with a shrug. He then crossed the distance between them and tentatively sat next to Ben on the edge of the pool. Ben stiffened at his uncle's nearness but made no move to stand or draw away. Luke looked to the cracked crystal in Ben's hand.

"What'd you do to your crystal, kid?" Ben had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from snapping at his uncle, warm copper blood trickled onto his tongue. Luke was _chastising_ him, like he was a child.

"Do you remember when you found it?" Luke asked.

"I do." Ben replied, though he wasn't sure why he had. He didn't owe this man the time of day.

He remembered finding his crystal very well. It had been one of the happiest days of his life. Days of searching and _finally_ , he had sensed it, calling to him. He remembered with startling clarity holding the crystal between two fingers, watching the uncolored stone slowly grow blue as the gem attuned to him. Now it sat in his palms, bleeding and broken by his own hands.

"It certainly took you some time, and you were so _frustrated_ , you almost gave up. Do you remember that?"

Ben nodded curtly.

"I hadn't been reaching out for it properly."

"You were too aggressive, you weren't listening, you…"

"You _aren't_ my master any longer." Ben said bluntly. He thought of reminding his former master as to _why_ that was, but decided against it. "You don't get to lecture me anymore."

"You're right." Luke conceded sadly, his gaze falling to the stone floor below them. He sighed. "Listen,"

"Don't" Ben snapped. "Don't apologize."

He was still so angry with his uncle, but he couldn't take that. Not when the man's death was so fresh on his mind, not when he knew in his heart that it had been his fault, not when, though he was loath to admit it, that knowledge threatened to crush him even now.

"Oh?" His uncle perked up a bit, his lips curling up in a mischievous way that flooded Ben with memories both fond and terrible. "You're so sure I was going to apologize?"

"You did last time." Ben grumbled, remembering his uncle's apology and confession on Crait. At the time he had thought it was just to unbalance him, but now he realized it was most likely genuine. "You said that you had failed me."

"I did." Luke said, meeting Ben's eyes before the younger man could look away.

"You don't know what I've done."

"Ben, I am sorry." Luke said. "I _did_ fail you."

"You were right about me." Ben spat, his voice rising, his chest heaving.

What did Luke know? What did he know about anything? Luke could not remember the _monster_ that Ben had been, what he had done. He knew nothing of the fates his sister, his friend and he, himself, had suffered at Ben's hands. Hands which were covered in the blood of good people, of innocent people. Hands which could never be clean, no matter how _good_ Ben tried to be now. Failing to repair his crystal had proven that, hand't it? There were parts of Ben that could never heal. There weren't enough good deeds in the galaxy to atone for his crimes, to save his already damned soul.

 _Luke didn't fail_ you. The cruelest voice in Ben's head spat. It tugged at the edges of his frayed psyche, threatening to unspool the whole thing. _He failed the galaxy in staying his hand._

"Clearly, I wasn't, Ben."

"I killed my father." Ben stood, turning to his uncle, his hands balled into fists, the crystal cutting into both of his palms, drawing blood.

He had to show him. Ben had to show Luke just how _right_ he had been.

"He was trying to bring me home and I _murdered_ him." Ben's voice was frantic, his breathing heavy and erratic. "You died protecting the Resistance - Rey and my mother - from _me_ and apologized for failing me. My mother died reaching out to me, trying to save me. Everyone died because of me." Ben was crying now, and he hated himself for it.

"Of course you were right about me!"

Luke said nothing. Of course, he didn't. He hated Ben, which he should. Ben had destroyed everything. He had been such a fool to think he could return to the light and that everything would be fine. The darkness would always be in him, eating him alive. He could feel it coiling around him now, feeding off of his self-loathing and pain. It felt almost comforting, numbing. He struggled to push it away if only so the pain would come back. It was what he deserved after everything he had done. Ben could feel something on the island calling to him, a hole in the rockface, a cave of mirrors. It wanted him to sink down, into the darkness.

Luke set a hand down on Ben's shoulder and Ben flinched at the contact but did not try to break from it.

"No, Ben." Luke's voice was so calm and serene it helped Ben steady his breath. "I don't believe I was right about you."

Ben could not look at his uncle - how could he make the man see?

"When I -," When Luke sighed, it was pained and ragged and Ben almost turned around, but he couldn't bear it. "I thought your heart had already been turned, Ben, but if that were the case, you wouldn't be here now. I never helped you in the way I should have, none of us did. I can't absolve you of your crimes, but I can forgive you."

"How?"

"Forgiveness is part of loving someone, Ben."

Ben's father, or the memory of him which had lived on in Ben's heart, had forgiven him. Ben's mother had forgiven him, he'd felt it in the wave of love she'd sent with her dying breath. Rey had forgiven him and healed him after he'd ruthlessly pursued her for over a year. Luke had sought Ben's forgiveness on Crait even as he'd been defending his only sister from him.

"I forgive you Ben, for this life and your last." Luke said as Ben turned to face him, his blue eyes soft and serious. "And I am sorry. I was wrong."

"I forgive you." The words flowed from Ben's lips without thought, completely unbidden, still, he felt an enormous pressure leave his chest, like he had been holding his breath for years and had finally exhaled. He hugged his uncle.

"Next, you'll have to start forgiving yourself." The skin around Luke's eyes crinkled when he smiled at his nephew. "Now, lets take a look at that crystal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh goodness, Luke and Ben's relationship has always been a fascinating one to me - it certainly helps that they are two of my very favorite characters 💕. I really wanted some interaction between Ben/ Kylo and Luke in TROS and while I think that Ben's scene with Han is beautiful and super impactful to the story, I'm sad we didn't really get a conclusion to Luke's "See you around, kid" from TLJ, so I knew that they had to have a moment here. This has definitely been one of my favorite parts to write so far, I hope you enjoyed as much as I did - haha! Thanks for reading!


	10. Fated

Rey watched as Ben descended the mountain with his uncle. She was surprised, he did not seem angry, in fact he didn't seem upset at all. When Luke had volunteered to grab Ben from wherever he had gotten off to, Rey had expected to hear shouting ringing through the mountains and for Ben to come stomping back to the ship before locking himself in one of the holds, but he seemed fine, happy even. Sure, he and Luke were not smiling and laughing and chatting idly, but they were approaching the ship together, the air between them was easy.

"They sure took their sweet time." Han grumbled from the top of the _Falcon_ 's ramp.

Rey looked back to see Leia's arms tightly wrapped around her husband's torso, looking up at him with a sweet but admonishing glare.

"I think we should just be glad they aren't trying to kill each other."

Rey choked back a fit of nervous laughter.

"Are you alright, dear?"Leia asked from behind Rey with genuine concern.

"Yes, yes," Rey sputtered awkwardly. "Perfectly fine."

Ben gave Rey an easy smile as he arrived at the _Falcon_ , one that she returned, her face probably tinged with confusion. He swept his parents and then Chewie into warm, lingering embraces as they all boarded the ship. Rey looked to Luke, half suspicious he had used some sort of Jedi mind trick on Ben, but he simply looked on the scene with warmth.

Once they hit hyperspace Ben challenged Chewie to a game of Dejarik. He asked Rey to join him, insisting that he would need as much help as he could get to even stand a chance against the wookie. Rey agreed, trying to relax into this new effortlessly comfortable Ben. It wasn't that she disliked his change in demeanor, it was just so sudden.

Several times throughout the game Rey caught Ben looking at her, just quietly watching. His expression was tender, sweet. It warmed her in the strangest way, it was a silent, content affection she was not used to. Chewie chastised him more than once, growling that he needed to pay more attention to the game and less to the pretty girl. It made Rey blush and Ben laugh.

"Han, I can't believe you still have this old thing." Luke laughed as he placed a decades old rebel helmet on his head, the opaque blaster shield lowered over his face.

A small spherical remote droid, much like the ones Leia had provided for Rey in her own training, floated in front of him. Luke's green lightsaber flashed to life as he began blindly blocking the remote's fire. Han poked his head out from the cock pit and laughed with his old friend.

"Implying my father ever throws anything away." Ben said impassively, his focus concentrated on his next move in the game. "Interesting."

Chewie grunted, chiding Ben's move as amateur. Lecturing that he had taught Ben better than that. Ben just laughed warmly at the wookie's remark.

"And why would I throw away something that works perfectly well, Ben?" Han asked, leaning on the doorway to the cock pit and crossing his arms over his chest, his lips quirked into a half smile. Again, Rey was blow away by how much the son resembled the father. It warmed her heart; this was how things should be, how they should have always been.

"You're right Dad, I'm sure you've gotten plenty of use out of that old remote."

"Your uncle is using right now, isn't he?" Han asked, faking an incredulous tone.

About halfway through the game Han ran into the lounge and pulled Chewie away to go put out some sort of metaphorical fire somewhere within the _Falcon -_ or had it been literal? Ben did not seem to mind, shutting the game off as soon as his father and Chewie had disappeared.

"We were losing anyway." He sighed and rose, holding a hand out for Rey who took it without hesitation.

His posture was different, she noticed. Normally, his tall figure was hunched at the shoulders, his head slightly bowed, but his back was straighter now, he pulled himself to his full height.

Ben did not let go of Rey's hand once she was standing, instead he began leading her somewhere, towards the crew quarters, she realized with a strange bubbling in her stomach. Once inside, he turned to face her, the door whooshing shut behind them. He just stared at her for a moment, his eyes and the Force surrounding him full of intent, their hands still clasped together in the quiet.

"I wanted to… apologize." He said, awkwardly, though his eyes, normally so dark, did not leave her own. "I never – I'm so sorry, Rey, for everything."

Rey just watched him for a moment, her head tilting to the side. She had not been expecting this. Her lips parted, but she could not find anything to say. She laughed.

"I think we're past apologies, Ben." She said finally, shaking her head.

"No." Ben said, he leaned down and pressed his forehead to her own. "I hurt you Rey. I manipulated you, I _tried_ to hurt you and I am sorry."

"I forgive you, Ben." Rey whispered, hardly able to believe what was happening, hardly understanding. "Of course, I forgive you." She had forgiven him long ago if she were honest. She had forgiven him on Ahch-To the first time she touched his hand, she had forgiven him on Kef Bir when she healed him, and she had forgiven him every day since as she watched him grow and change into the man she _knew_ he could become.

"I've hurt everyone I've ever loved." Ben sighed. "I've hated myself for it for so long, but I think that maybe I don't want to any longer." He flicked his eyes away from hers, almost nervously. "I know that I can never undo what I've done, you can't _kill_ the past." He laughed reufully. "But maybe... maybe I don't need to let it kill me either, maybe I don't have to... _wallow_ in it forever." He shook his head. "I want to move forward, maybe that would be best."

"I agree."

Ben looked back at her now, his dark eyes, normally so intense, held a softness Rey would have previously thought unimaginable. His the muscles in his tense jaw worked on something fiercely, as though he were chewing on the words he meant to say, testing them, tasting them. He squeezed her hands tightly.

"I love you, Rey." Ben said, his voice soft, tender. Rey stilled at the words. "I've been so afraid to admit it, afraid that I don't deserve it, afraid you won't feel the same way, afraid that you will…" He lifted his head and closed his eyes. "But I can't allow fear to control my life any longer. I understand if you don't…"

"I do." Rey said, surprising herself. "I do love you, Ben."

Rey's heart was racing. Had she said that? Her blood ran hot in her veins and she was trembling. Ben's eyes, so beautiful and dark and brown, glowed with love. She was transported back to the small dark hut on Ahch-To, both of their faces illuminated only by the glow of the fire. A tentative touch, skin against skin across time and space, the universe shifting around them.

As much as Rey hated to admit it, there was a small part inside of her that belonged to the little scavenger girl abandoned on Jakku, the one who craved love like water but had no idea what to do with it. When she loved people they left. Her parents, Han, Luke, Leia, Ben… sure, most of them were back now, but still. It hurt to love because it hurt to lose and it frightened her.

Still, Rey _did_ love Ben. She had loved him for longer than her past self would have cared to admit. She'd tried to get around the word for too long now, saying she cared for him, that he was a friend, but now that it was out there, now that the truth was loose and set free she felt unimaginably at peace. She raised her hand to cup his right cheek softly and he leaned into her touch.

Ben leaned in slowly and Rey rushed to meet him, crashing her lips into his. She met his love with her own, letting it all escape her. He pulled her closer, one hand on the nape of her neck and the other slowly tracing lines up and down her back. The hand that had rested on Ben's cheek slid up into his hair, thick and dark and soft, she ran her fingers through it, her other hand rested on his chest, feeling the steady drumming of his heart.

Rey did not know how long they stayed like this, lost in each other. She did not know when they had sat down on one of the beds, both of their knees too weak to stand. All she knew was Ben. Ben and Rey, two stars alone in an empty galaxy. They had traveled lightyears and through time to be here, now, and it was all that mattered.

Ben and Rey where ripped apart by the heart stopping sound of the door flying open. Han Solo stood in the doorway, wiping soot and grime onto his trousers. He had not noticed them yet and Ben and Rey scrambled to separate from each other, both of their faces burning red.

"So, fire's out…" Han looked up to see the two of them fidgeting on opposite ends of the bed, hair mussed, breathing heavily, pointedly not staring at each other. "Oh," He said with a sound that was half a laugh and half a cough. "Sorry, kids." Han threw up his hands and made to leave.

"No!" Ben stood quickly, hitting his head on the bottom of the upper bunk. "Ouch. Dad, it's not…"

"Hey, kid." Han said, looking out into the hall, rubbing his neck. "Don't worry about it, I'll just leave, your mother probably needs…"

"Dad, please, listen to me" Ben said, rubbing at the top of his head. Han was laughing now.

Rey was about to join him in the awkward, embarrassed revelry when a sharp jolt of pain pierced her very being. It lingered and burned, the agony throbbed within her, ebbing and rising like a pulse. Rey doubled over onto the ground and she could see out of the corner of her tear-filled eyes that Ben was experiencing the same thing, down on his knees, one hand gripping at his heart.

"What…" Rey could hear Han's voice. "Luke, Leia… somebody!"

As suddenly as the pain started it stopped. Han looked at the both of them, hazel eyes blown wide with panic and fear.

"What happened?" Rey asked Ben breathlessly.

"I – I'm not sure, it almost felt like… No!" Ben shot up and ran from the room. Han and Rey paused a moment to look at each other before following him.

Leia sat on the curved seat surrounding the holoboard, her back hunched over her cane, breathing heavily. Ben was kneeling on the floor in front of his mother, one of her small hands clasped in both of his larger ones. Luke was just behind her, his flesh hand white knuckling the back of the seat, his face a bright scarlet. They had experienced the same sudden pain, Rey realized.

"What was that?" Rey managed to squeeze out.

"A terrible tremor in the force." Luke croaked. "I've felt something like this only once before."

"You don't mean…" Han breathed beside Rey. He ran to the cockpit without another word. The four in the lounge waited in a tense silence.

"Ben," Leia muttered softly, smiling at her son. "It's alright, I'm alright." Setting her cane against the holoboard, she placed her free hand against her son's cheek.

Han stumbled from the cockpit, his face white as a sheet, his lower jaw trembling.

"It's Hosnian Prime – it's gone." He said, his voice low. "It was a Sith Eternal ship."

Rey's knees nearly gave way as all of the air left her lungs. It was happening, they had wasted too much time. The Emperor knew, Rey wasn't sure or how much, but he knew _something,_ that was obvious. It was too late and now Hosnian Prime was gone, they hadn't been able to save it at all, only delayed the inevitable.

 _Somethings really were fated to be_ , Rey's own thoughts echoed though her mind again. Maybe they couldn't change the past, maybe she and Ben had been fools.

"The Resistance?" Rey breathed, her voice trembling with the same frequency of her legs beneath her.

"I can't say for sure," Leia said, her voice low. She shook her head solemnly. Peeling her hand from her son's face, she stood. Han rushed to her side to help her, Ben kept a careful hand on her arm. "I need to contact the Resistance fleet." Luke slipped into the seat Leia had occupied, Rey sat down beside him.

"I didn't want to believe it." Luke said, his voice nearly a whisper. "I knew… I just didn't want to believe it could be true."

Rey looked at him, her words escaping her. There was fear in her old master's blue eyes, but more than that there was sorrow and pain. Rey had thought she knew what it was to hurt but the pain of a planet dying, it sent the balance of the force into a tailspin. Life and death, a cycle in the force just stopping instantaneously. Rey placed a tentative hand on Luke's and he sighed.

"Where did you say that wayfinder was?"

* * *

"The fleet was not in the Hosnian system when the ship, a _Xyston_ -class Star Destroyer according to reconnaissance in the area, attacked." The flickering blue hologram of the resistance admiral said. "We were able to secure a few scans of the ship and our engineers are studying them as we speak. You are telling us your son knows where the fleet is located?"

"He does," Leia said, her voice weary. Ben's heart ached; his mother had lost so much already. She looked at Ben with tired eyes.

"The fleet is on Exegol." Ben explained plainly.

"I have never heard of…"

"It's the planet of the Sith Eternal, in the Unknown Regions." Ben thought back to the world seemingly made of a storm, star destroyers rising from the ground, rock crumbling around them. Tens of thousands of ships, he'd thought they had been his then, but that was never what Sidious had intended. "It is very well hidden, you need a wayfinder to locate it. Only two exist."

"And you know where those are as well, I assume?" The admiral asked, her voice taking on a suspicious tone.

"I do." Ben agreed coolly.

"And how _do_ you have this knowledge?" The admiral narrowed her eyes.

"Is that relevant?" Ben snapped.

"I have to agree with my son, Admiral Rebard." Ben's mother said, trying to diplomatically smooth over the situation. "Our focus should be…"

"All due respect General Organa, some very disturbing news has been circulating about your son's past position within the First Order, I think it is very relevant." The admiral stood firm. Ben glared at the woman. She reminded him so of a First Order officer, all straight backs, crisp uniforms, thinly veiled malice dripping from every word. Rebard was dancing around the subject, too afraid to accuse him in front of his mother. Ben had never had the patience for these kinds of games and the galaxy didn't have the time.

"If you would like to begin the trial of Kylo Ren, be my guest, but I agree with General Organa. The Sith fleet and the return of Darth Sidious should take precedent, don't you agree _Admiral_?"

Ben had known this would happen, but this was certainly an inopportune time for it. There were more pressing matters at hand, did the admiral not realize that? There would certainly be a trial for Kylo Ren, the warlord, Ben knew that, his legal reckoning would come, and he would not try to stop it. He did worry how his past would reflect on Rey and his parents, hopefully people would not judge them too harshly by association.

The admiral seemed annoyed but relented.

"I do agree." She said brusquely. "We will put a _pin_ in that conversation for now. Do you know how many ships there are?"

"Not an exact number, thousands, tens of thousands." Ben shuddered at the memory. Ben could see the muscles in the admiral's jaw tense.

"There's something else, General." The admiral's attention snapped back to Ben's mother; her hands clasped tightly behind her back. "A message from the First Order, or the Sith Eternal, they seem to be one and the same at this point. It was released just after the attack on every open channel galaxy wide."

"Oh?" A voice came from behind them; it was Rey. All attention fell to her. "Sorry, I can go."

"No, stay." Ben insisted, holding his hand out to her. If he was here she had a right to be as well, they were a team. Rey took his hand and crossed the cockpit to stand in front of him and Ben wrapped his arms around her.

The admiral grimaced and nodded, accepting the new audience member, and the hologram flashed – the flickering blue figure of General Hux, stood before them, as clean-pressed and smug as ever. His posture was similar to the admiral's, his hands behind his back, but the expression he wore was the expression of a man who had cheated in a game of sabacc and won big.

" _This is General Hux of the First Order_." Ben noticed that he was still 'General', not 'Supreme Leader'. Ben wondered if it had stung the wormy little man to learn that there was yet another master to obey, Ben hoped that it stung.

" _The false government of Hosnian Prime is dead and the loathsome insurgency known as the Resistance will be soon to follow_." Hux began. " _The Emperor lives. These are the final days of the Republic rebellion. Bow before the might of the First Order, before the might of the Sith Eternal or die. There is no hope, there is no defiance, there is only order._ " Hux smiled smugly and the hologram flickered away, replaced by the uncomfortable admiral. "Our forces are concentrated on evacuating D'qar, we're sure that's the next target if they are intent on destroying the Resistance." The admiral sighed.

"Is that all?" Leia asked stonily.

"It is, General Organa." The admiral responded. "Do you have any orders?"

"Keep up with the evacuation. I will be recording a message of our own for the galaxy. We need to show them that there _is_ hope. I'll want it broadcast as wide as possible. We'll need as much help in this fight as we can get."

"Understood." The hologram flickered out and Ben's mother turned to face him, she looked so tired.

"Endor System, Kef Bir."

When they arrived at the location of the Death Star Han Solo landed the _Falcon_ on a flat outcropping jutting off of the main structure, the same place Ben had landed the first time he had been here. Ben, Luke and Rey exited the ship, taking in the massive, wrecked weapon that jutted out of the sea. The water was calm today, very unlike Ben and Rey's last visit where the waves had crashed over the sides of the walkways, threatening to pull them into the surf.

"Are you coming with us?" Rey asked Luke. He smiled and shook his head, the smile did not reach his eyes.

"I'm flattered, but there's no way I'm climbing up that these days, no. I just wanted a closer look." Luke's eyes swam with memories of fallen masters and fathers, of lightning and emperor's long thought dead. Ben knew all of the stories very well. "I'm not particularly interested in seeing that old throne room again anyway."

Ben and Rey approached the weapon and began their ascent. Rey climbed like an expert, her hands and feet always finding easy purchase wherever she placed them. Ben's climb was a bit sloppier, missing a hand and foothold every now and again and he found it difficult to keep pace with the former scavenger.

They entered the throne room together and Ben stared at Rey breathlessly. The room looked exactly the same, sun pouring in through the round viewport onto the rusted wreckage before them. It seemed impossible that the room should look exactly as it had then despite everything that had changed.

Ben waited for Rey to make a move towards the vault. He wasn't sure why, exactly, except for an unspoken belief that this wayfinder was hers just as the one on Mustafar had been his. Rey did not move, her face was unnaturally pale in the shadows that surrounded them, her eyes were haunted. He squeezed her shoulder lightly.

"I'll get it." He said as he approached the Emperor's vault.

The door slid open before him. Ben approached the holocron, the small pyramid growing red with dark energy. The moment his hand touched the metal surface of the wayfinder he heard the crackle of a very familiar lightsaber blade screaming to life. Ben whipped his head up and saw him there, Kylo Ren, mask and all, approaching from the darkness beyond, red cross-guard lightsaber sparking with power pointed directly at Ben.

"Do not run from me, do not fight your destiny. The blood of Vader runs through your veins." The deep modulated voice said. Ben took a step backwards and hesitated. This was just a vision.

"I'm not running, but I will _never_ stop fighting you." Ben said, standing his ground. Kylo swung his blade down hard and Ben ducked, rolling out of the vault. When he stood Kylo was gone.

The blood of Darth Vader did run through Ben's veins, there was no lie there, but all that meant was that the blood of Anakin Skywalker ran through his veins. Anakin who fell and rose just as Ben had. The blood of Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa and Han Solo, the heroes of the rebellion ran through his veins as well. There was more light in Ben's past than there was darkness, and there would be more light in his future as well. He turned to Rey.

Rey was standing beside the Emperor's throne, the throne of her grandfather. She reached a hand out as if to touch the throne's arm but pulled it back. She breathed deeply.

"Isn't it strange?" Rey asked, a quiet laugh to her voice, though there was no joy in it. "My grandfather sat here and yours stood beside him, ruling the galaxy… and here we are."

Ben coughed awkwardly. It was strange, he agreed, but he wasn't sure why she would bring that up now. He reached out through the bond. Uncertainty and fear rolled off of her in waves.

"We've been here before." She said, not taking her eyes off of the throne. Her face was as still and cold as stone, her hazel eyes, normally bright and shining, were dark and dull. "You were holding the wayfinder then too."

"Rey, what are you getting at?" Ben finally asked. He crossed the room to close the distance between them. He took Rey in his arms and held her close, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. Rey held him back, but her grip was weak. She sighed into him.

"Some things never change." She mused quietly, her voice muffled by his shirt. Ben pulled away, his hands on each of her shoulders. He stared into her eyes.

"Rey, what is going on?"

"Ben, do you believe in fate?" Rey asked, her eyes and voice desperate, for what, Ben did not know.

"No." Ben answered gravely, his voice low and deep.

Fate was a dark path; one Ben knew all too well. He had thought, he had been told, for so many years that he was fated to be Vader's heir, that he was born to finish what Vader had started. The idea of fate was made to trap you, to force you into a place and down a road you feel that you have no choice but to take. No, Ben did not believe in fate.

"We choose our own paths, Rey."

Rey said nothing and nodded but Ben did not feel her despair ease. He pulled her close and sighed again.

They arrived back at the _Falcon_ , the journey there taken in somber silence. Ben sat the wayfinder down on the holoboard table and his father set a course to rendezvous with the Resiatance fleet which was currently amassing somewhere in Unknown Regions. Luke, who was sitting at the table, gave Ben a reassuring nod, but it did little to quell Ben's nerves. Ben's mother sat down next to her brother, placing one of her hands softly on one of his.

"Rey and I discussed it earlier." Luke began, his tone grim. "She and I will face Sidious on Exegol…"

Whatever else Luke said was lost beneath the sound of blood rushing in Ben's ears. He felt dizzy, like the world was tumbling and rolling around him.

"What?" He sputtered, all eyes turning to him. "Rey?" He looked to her, his tone accusing.

"Ben," Rey started softly, placing a hand on his arm. "Luke and I going makes the most sense -"

" _You_ were the one that said we were a team!" Ben's voice was raised, panic was clawing at his throat. He backed away from her, from all of them. His jaw was trembling, he felt trapped. " _You_ were the one to tell _me_ to stop sacrificing myself and now you want us to split up and…"

"Ben, you remember what happened last time." Rey said, her tone firm. His anger rose, of _course_ he remembered, how could he forget, how could she… "If we go together, the Emperor will use our bond against us. We can't do this together, we just can't." Her voice was barely more than a breath. There was sorrow in her eyes and Ben's indignation began to ebb, even if only a little.

"Then I'll go." Ben said desperately. His heart was pounding wildly.

"No, Ben. The Emperor doesn't need you. He would just kill you… I would at least stand a chance." Her voice was sad, full of terrible truth.

Ben wanted to fight her, wanted to push back, insist that he go in her place. Instead, he closed the distance between them and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her tightly in the hopes that he could protect her from inevitability. Horrible images flashed in front of his vision, her small, cold form on the ground. She wasn't moving, she wasn't breathing. Tears stung Ben's eyes as he pulled her limp body into his, pulling her close in the way he had never been able to in life. He looked around, searching the crumbling ruins for answers that would not come. A spark of hope as he placed his hand on her abdomen and gave her everything, gave in the way she had shown him on Kef Bir.

His blood ran cold with the idea that it could happen again, that it would. Rey's voice rang through his head like a bell, a death knell.

_We've been here before._

_Some things never change._

_Ben, do you believe in fate?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And in this chapter, we see me using my lack of creativity as a plot point! Haha! There's only one chapter left after this plus a short epilogue, I will be posting both tomorrow as the latter is quite short.Thanks for reading!


	11. The Destiny of a Jedi

The energy on the _Raddus_ was frantic, to say the least. People flew down the halls, their faces set and determined or panicked and shaky.

In the time it took the _Falcon_ to reach the fleet, the Resistance and Republic engineers and scientists had studied the scans, as basic as they were, and had determined a few things. Firstly, a fleet of that size so far out in the Unknown Regions would require some kind of guiding navigational beacon, most likely something static like a tower on the planet's surface. Secondly, due to the volatility and power of the axial superlasers that each of the fleet's ships were equipped with, the weapons would most likely need to be connected to the ship's main reactor and critical damage to the weapon might destroy the ship it was attached to.

Unfortunately, the fleet was one of the few things that Rey and Ben could help very little with. By the time the Resistance had been setting a plan to attack Exegol last time, Rey had already run away to Ahch-To, and while Ben had been the Supreme Leader 'gifted' these ships last time, he had no idea how they could be destroyed, though he did confirm the existence of a navigational tower.

During the debriefing Rey noticed wary and angry eyes shifting to Ben from all around the room, she just held him tighter. Ben had told her the truth about him having been Kylo Ren was out and some of the Resistance was out for blood. Apparently, the news had been leaked by the First Order itself to discredit the newly found Resistance hero, Ben Solo.

She and Ben had not left each other's sides since their blow-out on the _Falcon_ , though they hadn't spoken much since. They remained in constant physical contact, whether that meant fingers intertwined, arms around waists, or hands on shoulders. They could not let each other go, not yet.

Ben had been named Blue Leader for the battle of Exegol, a controversial announcement, and would be leading the blue squadron which would be accompanying the ground team to the nav tower on the planet's surface. Ben tensed when the news had been delivered, it was just another reminder that he and Rey would be separated during the battle. They hadn't been apart in any significant way since he picked her up on Jakku and Rey knew he was worried for her. Rey was worried for him too.

"Blue Leader, eh?" Poe said approaching them, slapping a friendly hand on Ben's back. For once Ben did not cringe at the contact, just looked curiously at the pilot. "Pretty nice, First Order."

"You're still speaking with me?" Ben asked with strained humor. "Haven't you heard?"

"You think I didn't already know?" Poe laughed, shaking his head. "I'm not a complete idiot, I've known since I saw that thing on your hip, man." Poe pointed at Ben's lightsaber hilt.

"You don't care?" Ben asked, confused.

"That's not it – It's not that I don't care." Poe grew strangely serious, more serious than Rey had ever seen him before. "I've heard stuff about Kylo Ren… really bad stuff, but, the way I see it, you're here, you're with us – fighting for what's right – and that counts for something. It does for me, at least."

"I… want to apologize." Both Poe and Rey's mouths fell open nearly in unison as Ben continued. "I haven't been – kind to you." Rey smiled at Ben's apology, it was awkward, but sweet. Poe threw his head back laughing, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"Oh, man. You're too much." He slapped a hand on Ben's shoulder to support himself as he doubled over with laughter. A confused smile spread across Ben's face. "Don't worry." Poe said, righting himself, wiping tears from his eyes. "Your sparkling personality and sunny disposition are part of why I like you, Solo." After a moment Poe nodded towards the main hangar where the X-Wings waited. "Anyway, we should get going."

"I'm going to see Rey off." Ben said tightly. Rey could feel him stiffen at the words, she just pulled herself tighter into his side. Poe nodded and headed off towards the hangar.

Luke was waiting for Rey at a small shuttle in one of the ship's hangars. He nodded to her when she arrived and entered the shuttle, seemingly to give Ben and Rey some space and privacy to say goodbye. _Hopefully not forever_ , Rey traitorous mind supplied with a shuddering breath. Ben pulled Rey into his chest and she melted into his warmth. She kept the tears at bay, she couldn't cry, she couldn't give Ben any reason to want to alter the plan.

"I don't want to let you go." Ben said, his voice wavering. She could feel his breathing grow ragged against her. "I can't lose you, Rey."

"You won't." Rey said, hoping it was not a lie.

Rey had been thinking a lot about what had happened since she woke up in the past, how many events had played out the same way. Starkiller exploded, Snoke was dead, Poe gave Finn his name, Hosnian Prime was destroyed, she and Ben in the Death Star wreckage, and now she was off to face her grandfather yet again. Maybe somethings were fated to be, maybe the past could not be changed in such major ways. Her heart ached. Maybe she was fated to die on Exegol.

"I'm afraid," He confessed. Rey smiled up at him. She was afraid too. Rey remembered the words of her master from a past-future that would never come to be.

"Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi."

"Promise me you'll come back, Rey. Promise me." He said staring down into her eyes, his were dark brown and so intense, she could get lost in them and never leave and she wasn't sure if she would care. Rey couldn't form the lie so instead she reached up on the tips of her toes and planted a kiss against his lips.

Rey poured herself into that kiss. It was like she was suffocating, and Ben was the air she so desperately needed, she was dying of thirst and he was water. They held each other tightly into the kiss as though they were trying to truly become one, to meld into each other so that they could never be separated again. She needed him and he needed her. How could one of them survive while the other was gone? She couldn't allow herself to think of that or she would start crying, instead she just held him close and pretended that this was forever.

Forever did not last. They had to pull apart from each other, two halves of one whole separating and scattering to the winds of fate. Rey was trembling as she entered the shuttle. She took one last look back at Ben, who had not moved an inch, and memorized every bit of him. She hoped beyond hope that this was not the last time she would see him.

* * *

Ben walked to the hangar with a heavy heart, his limbs were full of lead. Every step he took was another step away from Rey, brought him further from being able to protect her. He knew she was right, logically, they could not face Sidious together, they had already tried that once and it had gone miserably. Still, the idea of her facing Sidious without him, even with Luke's help, was enough to put Ben in a tailspin.

Two figures stood just outside of the hangar bay holding each other close, their faces perfect pictures of worry and grief - Ben's parents.

"Shouldn't you be on the command deck?" Ben asked his mother as he approached the pair. They looked on him with love-filled, watery eyes and it took everything in Ben to not crumble here and now.

"I will need to be," His mother agreed, her voice, normally so schooled and still wavered with emotion. "But not before seeing you off."

Ben wanted to say something, wanted to tell them everything would be fine but his spirit was weighed down by the weight of Rey's musings on fate. Her words clattered against his soul, rang through his mind like a discordant symphony. If they had been fated to die on Exegol, why had the Force brought them back? Surely it wasn't that cruel - though, for the Skywalker family it often seemed to be.

"Look out for those TIEs, son." Ben's father began, his voice gruffer than usual to mask some deeper emotion. "They're fast, can be tricky but I - I know you can handle them, you're one of the best damn pilots I know." Han clapped one calloused hand on his son's shoulder. Ben swelled with pride at his father's words, feeling for all the world like that little boy who had wanted nothing more than to be a pilot just like his dad.

"I learned from the best."

Ben could hold out no longer, he wrapped his arms around both of his parents and held them close. He buried his face in Han's shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of his father - a mixture of leather, fuel, coolant, and some spicy aftershave Ben had never learned the name of. His shoulders shook with silent sobs and he held them closer. His parents were crying too, he could tell.

"I love you." He mumbled into the leather of his father's jacket. "I'm so sorry, I love you."

"It's okay, son." Han said, one hand on the back of Ben's head, stroking his dark hair lightly.

"My sweet boy," Leia's words were muffled by the fabric of Ben's shirt.

Neither Leia nor Han truly knew what Ben was apologizing for, but it didn't matter right now. The small family held each other close and time slipped away. Ben was a child again, a teenager, a dark specter, a man, their son. When Ben pulled away, wiping his tears on the dark sleeve of his shirt, his mother reached up, placing both hands on either side of his face, and pulled him down with a strength that belied her small stature. She pressed a kiss into his forehead.

"Come back to us." She said, keeping Ben bent over so that he was at eye level with her, one of her hands gently pushing a few strands of dark hair out of his face.

"I did once before." Ben responded thickly.

"Well, do it again."

"Solos always make it back in the end." Ben said, flashing his father a watery smile.

Ben urged his parents on, but they refused, insisting on seeing him off, they wouldn't leave until he was in his ship

Ben saw Dameron from across the hangar, he was with FN-2 – no, Finn. The pilot was saying something to the ex-stormtrooper, uncharacteristically serious. Finn nodded and the two embraced before Finn entered the shuttle that would be transporting the ground team. Everyone was saying goodbye to the people that mattered to them, the people they loved. His own thoughts echoed in his head ' _this is what happened in war – people died_ ', suddenly the idea made Ben's heart ache.

Ben approached the X-Wing designated for the leader of blue squadron, he found a small astromech droid, a BB unit, grey with blue markings waiting beside it. Ben clambered into the X-Wing, taking some time to acclimate himself to the ship and to start the launch sequence. All squadrons would be taking off as soon as they dropped out of hyperspace above Exegol.

" _You ever flown an X-Wing before, Solo?_ " Dameron's voice crackled through the communicator in Ben's headset. " _It's a little different than those TIEs you're so used to._ "

"Don't worry, Dameron. I can fly anything." Ben said with a smile, trying to take a deep breath, take his mind off of the anxiety currently threatening to eat him from the inside out.

Ben had flown an X-Wing before, Luke had allowed him to fly _Red Five_ more than a few times while Ben had studied at the Jedi temple, he had said that trying to keep a Solo out of the sky was 'as cruel as it was stupid'. Of course, that had been a much older model, the old T-65B was practically ancient compared to the Republic-provided T-70 Ben currently sat in. Still, the concept was basically the same.

TIEs were more maneuverable, some would say faster, though that was debatable in Ben's opinion. They were also far less durable and practically useless out of range of their mothership, especially as they had no hyperdrive – excluding Ben's modified silencer and whisper. Oh, that TIE whisper, that had been a beautiful ship. One day Ben would have to tell Dameron all about the modifications he had made to that ship, surely the pilot would appreciate that.

" _Glad to hear it, buddy_." Dameron laughed. " _Easy flying, Blue Leader._ "

"Easy flying."

Ben's blood was pure energy as they popped into the atmosphere above Exegol. _Blue One_ roared to life around Ben and flew out into the sky above the dead planet of the Sith. The Sith Eternal fleet spread out below and before Ben and the Resistance ships. Thousands upon thousands of massive ships, stretching out to the horizon, further than the eye could see. Ben could feel his stomach turning over and over like his ship was spinning. Without warning, the sky was filled with red and green laser-fire.

" _Welcome to Exegol_!" Dameron called out over the comm channel. A few pilots called out cheers of pure adrenaline and nerves. " _Blue Leader, get that transport to the nav tower_!"

"Let's go, blue squadron, _Tantive_ _IV_." Ben called out.

" _Get down to their altitude_." Dameron called out. " _They can't fire on us without hitting each other_."

All ships pointed their noses down, descending on the fleet. Ben led blue squadron down towards the surface of the planet, the X-Wings in a V formation surrounding the ground-team transport. Teams of TIEs scrambled from the many star destroyers in the air, screaming into the fray.

"Incoming TIEs!" Ben warned as a TIE descended on his group, its green fire directed at the _Tantive IV_. Ben swooped up and around, placing himself behind the TIE. He fired but the TIE quickly dodged to the right. Ben growled. With their superior maneuverability, TIEs had a fairly natural advantage in a one-on-one dogfight. Ben reset his fighter so that the TIE was directly in the center of his targeting computer and fired again. The TIE fell apart in a fiery explosion, Ben flew through the wreckage to reposition himself at the front of the squadron.

As they neared the ground, Ben saw it, a navigational tower poking out of the broken rock below, a round dish on the top. Ben angled his fighter down towards the planet, sending his squadron racing towards it. As they drew closer, the dish began to close, they were turning off the navigational tower, but how would the fleet leave Exegol?

" _What's going on?_ " Called out Blue Two.

" _They've caught on to our plan._ " Cried Blue Five.

Suddenly, something clicked in Bens mind.

"They've switched navigation to the flagship."

* * *

Luke and Rey's transport descended on the Sith Citadel in silence. They were left alone even as the TIE fighters were scrambled and began intercepting the squadrons of Republic and Resistance X-Wings. Rey's eyes were glued to the fighting on the other side of the transperisteel viewport. Her eyes searched the skies as if she could spot Ben's fighter from this distance.

Luke approached from behind and placed a hand on Rey's shoulder gently. It was then that Rey realized she was trembling.

"Ben's a great pilot, Rey." Luke said quietly. "He's a Skywalker and a Solo, I'm sure he'll be alright."

Rey nodded silently in agreement. It did nothing to calm the fear in her, fear for Ben, fear of the Emperor, fear of the inevitable. Rey knew that she very well could die today, she was maybe supposed to. She looked at Luke, his blue eyes shining with understanding. She smiled at him. If anyone in the galaxy knew how she felt it was her former master. He, too, had faced the Emperor once before in a time long ago. They were two people who would never allow their ancestors mistakes and crimes define them.

They walked beneath the monolith, the ancient pyramid of the Sith, and stood atop the circular bit of floor that acted as a lift. Every second that passed, the lower they descended into the citadel, the thicker the air grew with dark energy. Rey could make out the ground below, this place was as dead and broken as the world on which it resided. Deep cracks veined across the temple floor, light – power, dark and terrible – radiated from the fissures.

The second the lift touched the ground Luke and Rey drew their lightsabers, a flash of blue and green, the weapons of father and son reunited to fight an old foe. Rey could feel her heart race and she took a deep breath to center herself. She was a Jedi. _Bring balance to the force, as I once did_. A voice rang through her head. She would and this time no one would die. She pushed away the wicked voice inside of her that told her she was lying to herself.

Luke and Rey approached the throne of the Sith which sat on a dais in the middle of the main room of the structure. The throne was surrounded by horrible, jagged spires that radiated from it and curled around it, like the gnarled fingers of the Emperor reaching for her soul, pulling her towards the seat, towards a future she did not desire.

An abhorrent but familiar figure lowered itself beside the throne, covered in a dark robe and supported by some kind of machine, the device that kept his decaying physical form alive. Clouded white eyes, physically blind yet all seeing, peered out from behind the hood of the robe. The living corpse smiled dreadfully.

"Long have I waited." Growled the horrible creature. The Sith acolytes that surrounded the throne began to chant in a language Rey did not understand, their voices low as thunder. "My granddaughter has returned to me." Two ghastly white arms reached out to Rey in a gesture that was an eerie mockery of an invitation.

"I have not come to join you." Rey said, her voice sounding more solid and confident than she felt. She readjusted her grip on her lightsaber.

"I can see that." The Emperor mused. "You have brought with you young Skywalker, though not so young anymore."

"You're one to talk, Sidious." Luke huffed in a humorless laugh. "You're dying and Rey will never join you. We have come to destroy you, to destroy the Sith."

"I can sense you have been here before," The Emperor said and Rey knew that he was addressing her. "I do not know how, but I have offered both of you this throne once before, I have offered both of you unimaginable power and you threw it away."

Rey could see the Emperor's red-clad guard shift into offensive positions beside her, but they made no move to attack – not yet.

"Tell me, Skywalker, your father is not here to save you this time, why do you think you can defeat me now?" The creature cackled something that Rey refused to call a laugh, it was too horrible a sound, too vile, too dripping with evil.

"My father," Luke began, his voice low and soft. "Is one with the force, he is with me, always."

Luke raised one of his hands and the machine that the Emperor was attached to began to shudder. The creature let out a horrible ragged scream, it's voice higher than Rey would have imagined. Pipes and drains and wires began detaching themselves, various colors of fluids spilling onto the floor at the Emperor's feet.

The guards flew into action and Rey met them. She blocked and parried and pushed them back with the force, keeping them as far away from Luke as possible, letting him work. Rey felt something catch her ankle and she fell. She looked up to see one of the guards descending on Luke, its sparking axe raised high.

"MASTER SKYWALKER!" Rey cried, shooting one hand out from below her and reaching out with the force.

Though his eyes had been closed in concentration, Luke had sensed the attack. He twirled on the balls of his feet, his green blade cleaving the guard in two by his side, but he'd let the Emperor go. Luke grew still, raised in the air under the Emperor's influence.

"No!" Rey cried out, trying to pull herself up and slipping. The floor was slick now from the fluids leaking from the Emperor's life support system.

"And now, you will meet the same fate your father gave me." The Emperor roared.

Luke flew back, flying towards the pit the Emperor had thrown Ben into last time. With a roar, Rey reached out through the force and stopped Luke's fall, pulling him up and onto the ground just beside where the ground opened up. His lightsaber fell to the ground, the hilt clattering and clanging as it fell into the pit beside him. Luke began to rise when shocks of white-blue lightning began to coil around his form. Luke cried out horribly, he was in terrible pain. The Emperor was cackling that same horrible sound that was only a farce of a laugh.

"Stop!" Rey cried, rising to her feet, reigniting her lightsaber.

She rushed towards the lightning, throwing herself in front of Luke, her blue blade drawn between her and the Emperor's lightning. The terrible dark energy hit the blade which absorbed its power. Rey pushed back against him, taking one slow step forward and then another.

Try as she might, she simply could not reflect the lightning, it was taking everything she had just to absorb it, to keep upright. She called out to Luke's saber, but it was at the bottom of the pit by now, too far away. Luke lay prone on the ground, alive but hurt and unconscious. Rey was alone.

 _Some things really were fated to be_.

_You're not alone._

_Never alone, have you been._

_The force will be with you, always._

Rey closed her eyes, called on the force, called on the Jedi of the past. She imagined them swirling around her, filling her with their power.

"Be with me." She whispered and someone heard.

* * *

" _Be with me_." Ben heard her voice as clear as day, as clearly as though she were right beside him.

Ben lost control almost immediately, nearly flying his ship directly into the side of the _Derriphan_ , but quickly righted himself. Ben whipped his X-Wing around sharply, nearly making himself sick.

"Blue Two, you are now Blue Leader." Ben called into his comm.

" _Wait, what -"_ One of the pilots began but Ben quickly ripped the headset from his head.

Rey was in trouble. He had to go to her, no matter what, nothing else mattered. Ben could feel his heart rate increase with every second that passed. His breathing was deep and erratic, he was shaking all over. He could see the Sith citadel growing larger before him, he could see the transport Luke and Rey had taken sitting before it. Lighting crashed overhead, bright, white and angry.

Ben landed and began his sprint towards the throne, throwing himself onto the giant chain that controlled the floor lift. He hit it hard, knocking the wind out of himself, probably shattering a rib or two.

"Ow," Ben grunted as his body hit the large metal link. He called on the force and jumped down to the ground.

There were a few Sith acolytes about, preparing to attack, but Ben dispatched them quickly with the blaster strapped to his thigh, one shot for each of them. He quickly probed the area with the force, searching for the Knights of Ren. They had been here last time. For a foolish fleeting moment, he had thought they were here to help him, his brothers in arms, but he had been wrong. They were not here. It was strange, but just as well, he was not sure he would have time to fight them now.

Ben started to run when the air began to vibrate in a familiar way, it hummed like a song. He skidded to a halt. Rey was right in front of him in the middle of the hallway surrounded by the towering Sith statues. Her lightsaber was held in front of her at a diagonal, lightning, coming from somewhere Ben could not see, coiled around the blade. Her face was red with strain, sweat dripped from her brow. The bond had opened, and it was clear that she was fading and fast. Ben would not have time to make it to her.

Ben took a deep breath, hoping with every fiber of his being that this would work. He stood beside her and pulled out his own lightsaber which sparked and crackled to life with raw energy, the cross-guard blade now a blinding, luminous white after having successfully healed his kyber crystal on Ahch-To after his conversation with his uncle. He saw Rey turn her head to look at his blade.

"Focus!" He cried over the sound of the lightning whipping around them.

Ben raised his blade and crossed it with her. The moment their blades collided, he was in the throne room, Sidious hung in front of him, his twisted, deformed hands outstretched, pure dark energy flying from him. Ben pushed himself into Rey so that they were shoulder to shoulder, connected. He pushed back against the lightning.

"Be with me." Rey whispered. Ben could feel the calm and control radiating off of her. He remembered their fight on Starkiller Base, their blades clashing, their faces mere inches from each other. Ben had offered to teach her then, to show her the ways of the force, but she hadn't needed him. She had closed her eyes and called on the force and it had flooded her.

Ben closed his eyes now, opening himself up to the life and death and energy that surrounded him and the galaxy. The balance the flowed through every living thing. He called on his ancestors, the Jedi of the past. He could vaguely hear the temple crumbling around him, Sidious' angry, pained screaming.

Voices flooded Ben's mind, they surrounded him, filled him, lifted him. He did not know these voices, and yet on some deeper level he always had, they had always lived inside of him.

_Ben_

_You are a Jedi, Ben Solo_

_Let the light surround you, Ben_

_We are with you, Ben._

_We have always been with you._

_You have never been alone._

_Ben,_ this voice was different, it stirred something in him. The familiarity was striking, as though he would have heard this voice every day of his life, if only he had just been listening. _I have always been with you. I was in the light that called you, the part of yourself that you could never let go. I have always been there, and I will never leave you, Ben._

Ben could feel tears running down his cheeks at his grandfather's words. He had never truly heard his grandfather's voice before. He had thought he'd heard Darth Vader before, but that was an illusion, a manipulation of Sidious. Anakin Skywalker was his grandfather and his power flowed through Ben and out towards the Sith Lord. And then all was quiet.

Ben opened his eyes and he was back in the hallway, the white glow from his lightsaber illuminating the feet of some towering statue of a Sith Lord from a time long past. Ben's heart skipped a beat. He imagined Rey falling to the ground, lifeless, her cold form collapsed among the temple rubble. He started to run. That was not what he would find in the throne room. Rey would be fine, it would not be like last time.

Even if it was, he would give his life for her again. She had asked him to stop sacrificing himself, but he would give her everything every time. That was the only thing he knew to be true in this moment.

Ben reached the throne room and took in the destruction. Rubble was everywhere, littering the ground, huge chunks of the citadel had fallen, crushing the Sith acolytes, huge swaths of the ceiling had opened, revealing the sky. Blue light streamed down from above. The throne, Sidious, and the machinery that had supported him had been blown away into nothingness. In the middle of it all, in a beam of blue-tinged light, stood Rey, very much alive. Ben ran to her and she ran to meet him.

They were alive, both of them. He reached out to her, to pull her close, to confirm that she was real. She was, he could feel her warmth beneath his fingers, the way she glowed with the force, her energy, her power, her love.

Ben pulled her closer and leaned down to kiss her, Rey rose to meet him. He kissed her passionately, desperately, like he was a dying man – but he wasn't, they had more time, they were not fated to die here, now. Ben felt lighter than he ever had, losing himself in the woman he loved, the only thing that mattered right now.

They pulled apart only when they were interrupted by a pained grumbling coming from behind them. Ben turned to see his uncle, struggling in vain to pull himself to his feet. Ben and Rey rushed over to him, each throwing an arm under one of the older man's, helping him up.

"I really hate force lightning." Luke mumbled under his breath, eliciting a small laugh from both Ben and Rey as they began to help his uncle back towards the waiting transports.

The three Jedi looked to the sky which was littered with ships and explosions. Debris from star destroyers fell like rain. The storm was receding, the sun rising over the scene, basking it in a golden-orange light. Ben smiled knowing, without communication from the Resistance, without confirmation, that the day was won.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here it is, the last chapter! Well, the last proper chapter, there is a short epilogue I will be posting today as well - but what a journey! I genuinely debated who's perspective we would see the defeat of the Emperor through. At the end of the day, the sequel trilogy is Rey's story, but she got to take him on all alone in the movies and I wanted Ben to hear some force ghost love in this story! Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed!


	12. Epilogue

**Four Years Later**

There had been a trial for Kylo Ren. Many Resistance members had protested, Poe Dameron being one of the most vocal dissidents. Ben had known this to be inevitable, even without the destruction of the Hosnian system and his year-long stint as Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren had been a warlord and criminal. The trial lasted for a full month and was held on Chandrila, the new capital seat of the New Republic and Ben’s home world. Dozens of witnesses on each side argued either for Ben’s guilt or innocence.

Ben had argued, half-heartedly, with his family that he should cut a deal, plead guilty, seeing as he _was_ guilty of what he was being accused of and so much more. It wasn’t that Ben particularly wanted to be exiled to the Outer Rim, but that was a much better alternative to execution or imprisonment. His mother and Rey had refused, and Ben relented.

Ben was found guilty but was pardoned for the crimes of Kylo Ren. His actions and information had been integral, it would seem, to the victory against the First Order and the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. It was a controversial verdict, but it would have been any way it played out. Some who wanted to see Kylo Ren imprisoned were more or less placated by the guilty verdict, though many were angry, even rioutous.

Luke had decided to start a new Jedi temple on Ajan Kloss, which Rey had been ecstatic about. It had been the place where Luke had trained Ben’s mother, Leia, so many years ago and it had been the location of the Resiatance’s last base in Ben and Rey’s original timeline. Luke had called it nice Dagobah, and while Ben agreed with the comparison to the swamp planet, he felt that ‘nice’ was a very strong word. Ben worried that he would never get used to the heat and humidity of the jungle moon, but he found that after four years he had begun to adjust, that, like everything else he faced, was made easier with Rey by his side.

Ben had spent much of the first few years away from the temple, helping to chase down the remnants of both the First Order and the Knights of Ren, the latter being a bit of a pet project for him. To date, he had managed to help capture or destroy all but two of the original knights, however, as time passed more joined their ranks. While the Sith were gone, the dark side would always find those who sought power and pull the into it’s embrace.

Ben stood with Rey in the threshold of the home they had built together on Ajan Kloss, his arm draped around her shoulders. It was small but comfortable, though they would need to expand soon. Rey rested one hand on the small swell of her stomach and smiled. She had felt them before Ben had, their force signatures swirling around inside of her.

Ben had been nervous about fatherhood, what kind of a father would he be and how could he explain his past his children? His doubts and worries were washed away when he felt them for himself, two small beings, their energy as bright as suns. He worried about the darkness that had consumed him as a child, about the darkness that hung over both of their families, but he would be there to talk with his children, to explain, to tell the truth, and, most importantly, to listen.

He and Rey watched the students below sparring and playing. They looked up to him and called him ‘Master Solo’, which was still very strange for Ben, still his heart swelled when as he saw them grow and learn. One of the younglings called up for him to join in their game and Rey had nudged him to oblige, Ben ran down to join them which elicited elated cheers and laughs from the young ones.

The light side was strong here, and the force had been more at balance than it had been in years, perhaps even since before the empire. The Sith would return one day, Ben Solo knew, in one form or another. He and Rey had brought balance to the force, just as his grandfather and uncle had. Balance could never last forever though, darkness would always rise, but Ben and Rey knew now that the light would also rise to meet it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw, I love a nice happy ending. Thanks to everyone who has read this and come along with me on this journey. This is my first ever fanfic and it has been such a fun experience, made all the better by your kind words and encouragement. I really enjoyed writing this and I hope that you have enjoyed reading! I may return to this story in the future. I think that exploring Ben's quest to end the KOR and the First Order remnant could be fun and really allow me to break away from the main plot line. That probably won't happen for a while though, I burned myself out a bit with this one I'm afraid! Haha!
> 
> I'm not sure how realistic the verdict Ben receives in this would be, but I do think that Ben being free to go is more realistic in this time-line than any other, so I'm going to go with that! Haha, I need a happy ending!
> 
> Also, do I think that Palpatine-Skywalker babies are a bad idea for the galaxy at large - probably, but, to heal, I really needed for these kids to have the perfect Happily Ever After(TM)!
> 
> Again, thank you for joining me - I hope you enjoyed! 💕💕💕

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: [@Aaveena1](https://twitter.com/Aaveena1)


End file.
